Day 134? Sunday

I'm a bit nervous about tomorrow.  For me, I know food is an emotional crutch.  Now I'm not going to be able to use it as such.  I know my relationship with food is unhealthy, and I know I need to break it, but I'm scared.  I forgot to ask Allan if gum was okay.  From the looks of the plan, I'm going to need gum.

I recently started a tic I used to do when I was younger.  Summers were difficult for me growing up.  It wasn't the farm so much, so much as other things that happened.  Add in that my ex was abusive.  I thought I had put it in the past, but now I'm not so sure.  Justin said something about being upset that I was losing my butt as my weight has dropped.  I know he was only half serious.  I told him I wasn't stopping with the weight loss, so he was going to have to deal with it, but it hurt.  My ex was the exact opposite, he was always after me to lose weight, saying I was a cow even when I was only overweight and not actually obese.  Of course, he started when I was pregnant with my Marine.

I want a cigarette.

That's the tic I started again.  I'm fighting to keep myself from really smoking a lot.  I've kept it to 1 - 3 a day, I should quit again.  I have no reason to smoke, I'm not under the stress I was under before.  My only issues are emotional.  I'm also trying to hide it from my Marine and my sister, they'd both lecture me about smoking.  I know the dangers.  I'm focusing on one bad habit at a time.  Actually, maybe I'm trying to change more than one bad habit at a time since I'm trying to work on my procrastination and self confidence as well.  I keep having to remind myself that I'm worth all the effort.

I've got my site design finished and I love how it looks.  Tomorrow night, I'll split it up and get the page ready.  I need to spend some time writing the copy, and I think that it'd be something to actually do at lunch.

Laterness & g'night.