I made it to FL last Sunday - well technically Monday morning since it was almost 1 am after the kids and I spent the day with my Marine and his girl. I've spent the week looking for a job and spending time with my kids and my family. I'm more relaxed in one way, but I'm more stressed because I so need a job.
I'm also wanting to cry all the time and wondering if I made a mistake. I don't know what's up with me. I know it's depression. I just don't know what to do about it. I am so tempted to go back to Enid, but that's not the answer. Enid is a black hole, and if we go back, we won't get a chance to get out again. Plus, if I go back, I'm going to have to go back to work at the place I left, though not necessarily in the same job. They're doing away with benefits since the merger and I was very unhappy there. So I need to hunt for a job down here and just hope that I can handle it all until Justin gets down here.
I'm also starting to remember that my family isn't as rosy as I was remembering when I was living a long ways away. My sister and I will probably hang out a lot, and I'll spend time with my mother, but my stepdad is a cranky old man and my sister-in-law is always going to be difficult. The whole family dynamic isn't the easiest no matter what family you're in.
Anyway, it's now several hours later and I really need to get to bed. I'll get through this, and I'm focusing on my food starting tomorrow morning. I didn't do badly tonight, but really need to work on my water again.
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