At 10:30, I'm only on my 2nd bottle, I need to get at it. Time is just flying because every other Thursday is a shipment day, so we verify what we got against the invoice then put it away. I'll get at least 5 bottles today, I got 16 oz before I left the house, and I'll get at least 32 more oz once I get home tonight, so plenty of water.
The rest of this post is going to be a dumping ground for what's on my mind.
Today is going to be a less long day than yesterday, so that's good. I hate doing store resets, but it was money and we need that. I'm really second guessing myself about the move. I was so miserable with my job, and I missed my family, but we can't afford for me to be not working... Every time I think I may have a job, it doesn't work out. I'm so discouraged and feeling useless. I have a part time job with my brother, but that's it. Yes, I do write, but only doing $40 every 2 weeks isn't enough to make up for the amount I was making.
I keep talking about doing copywriting, but I don't know where to start. I have a website I go to about starting a copywriting business, but I'm so overwhelmed when I go there. Plus I have absolutely no self confidence. I worry I don't write well enough. I worry I won't be able to sell myself. I feel incapable of doing what I need to do.
So instead I'm tempted to eat. I fought that feeling again this morning. I was combining boxes of 2 different types of frozen danishes at the warehouse. I was tempted to pull one out and nuke it. I didn't because I knew I didn't need it, but then saw a box of chocolate covered granola bars and another of Pop Tarts. Yea, there's a lot of temptation at my brother's warehouse. Some items are more tempting that others.
Stress over money is big. Plus, dealing with family - oh my. I love my family, but they're driving me crazy. They're such strong Republicans, and I'm an Independent - my mom hates Obama. From what I can tell, so does my brother. They both blame him for everything the government does, including the FCC not allowing AT&T to buy T-Mobile. For that, my brother said Obama was anti-jobs.
My stepdad listens to Rush, and because I said that I thought Rush was a pompous blowhard, he started in that I must be for big government. That one still hurts.
I do think its becoming clear to my mother that I don't take anything at face value, and that I look in more than one source for my news. I can say both parties are wrong and give clear examples of why I think that. I pointed out to her that though AT&T said they'd create jobs if they bought T-Mobile, we have no way of knowing how they're counting the jobs of those who already work for T-Mobile. I also think that it'd be bad to let them buy out T-Mobile because they keep AT&T's prices in check.
Have I mentioned that I hate politics? Having it discussed more frequently stresses me out when I'm talking with most of my family since their beliefs are so different than mine.
Sometimes I wonder how I managed growing up in the family I did... I'm so different than they are - so is my sister... I'm different than she is too...
I've been thinking about a lot of things today. I got an email this morning from an old friend - someone I went to college with and was very close to, or at least we were close back then... I don't know how much he's changed. I know I have.
On top of that, I found out one of my sisters in law lost her baby yesterday. I have mixed feelings about it because he molested me when I was younger. I know now he's big into church, but I don't know if he'd do it again... How do you know that? How do you know it wasn't just experimentation because he was ~14 and learning about sex? It doesn't excuse what he did, but ... I don't know if he's really saved and has turned his life around or what. So I simply expressed my sympathy when mom told me today.
And of course hearing from my friend from college brought back those memories as well. I'm not sure how well I've dealt with everything, and he was there to help when the repressed memories started coming to the surface. My ex-dh (in this case damn) was there for part of it too, but he felt I should just put it behind me and I should forget all of it. How do you forget all of that?
I'm just a mess this week, but I think part of it is simply that I'm tired. And I've forgotten what I'm capable of. Tonight, I read part 1 of my 12 step roadmap for copywriting. I spend time with my kids to make up for being gone from 6:30 am to 8:15 pm. I'll write if I have time, otherwise I get some extra sleep and relax until I'm recovered from yesterday.
I may or may not post, depending on how I feel. So far, I'm at 3 bottles of water. I'll drink more when I get back to the warehouse. Lunch was too much and nasty, but I'll go light on dinner to make up for it.
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