Warning, the following is solely my opinion. I will be going off on something I read (linked to from Allan's blog). Read it or skip to the next non-ranting post. I just need to get it off my chest after some conversations I had today with Justin's sister and his aunt. Yes, we did meet with the family, and I actually enjoyed myself. It was very tough, but I'll go into that at the end.
'Fat acceptance.' I have some major issues with this phrase. I have some major issues with this whole thing. Fat acceptance is looking at things in a very twisted way. You can be obese or even morbidly obese with great numbers according to most indicators of health. I'll give you the perfect example. My blood pressure stays around 110/60 most of the time. My cholesterol at my last check up in October was 147. I've been giving blood for years, and the highest my cholesterol ever reached was 175, borderline but not awful.
Does this mean I'm healthy? My waist measurements are too high according to the chart at the doctor's office. I can't keep up with my kids, I couldn't keep up with my Marine when he was at home. I was unhappy and unhealthy. I was miserable and hid it by eating crap foods. It's not how I grew up. I grew up on a farm with fresh beef, fresh chicken, fresh milk, fresh veggies... I was skinny until I hit puberty. Before I got pregnant with my Marine, I was only about 20 or 25 lbs overweight. I was fat, but not obese.
Fat acceptance is looking at all of the above and say they're not that big a deal. WRONG!
To me, 'fat acceptance' is the same as saying you don't care about anyone around you. The number of younger and younger people suffering from obesity related problems should be an indication. Even if your numbers are fine like mine were, there is another factor to consider. The number of people who have to get knee replacements is increasing. Our joints were not meant to carry this much weight. For 18 months, we had two home delivery paper routes. I can't tell you how many people had to have their paper delivered to their porches because they had had knee replacements and couldn't walk far enough to get the paper at the end of their driveway. Not to mention the number of younger and younger people with high cholesterol (I've heard of teenagers having this problem now), or heart attacks in 20 year olds. All scary stuff.
My husband's aunt confided to me that she gets so frustrated with his uncle. His uncle has COPD and still smokes. He's had cancer because of the smoking, yet he won't quit. We spoke about Justin's mother, she died at 44 from complications due to her diabetes. Justin and his sister both tell me that she'd give herself a shot of insulin then go to Braum's for ice cream or Denny's for the smothered hash browns. She didn't take care of her diabetes, she just took her medication.
Justin's normal blood sugar used to be between 250 and 300. Normal is under 120. There were a couple of times his blood sugar wouldn't even register on his glucometer, so it was even higher than 300. Yet he treated it all as a joke, or felt he was taking care of it by taking his medication even if his blood sugar was still too high. When he's not taking care of his diabetes, I still feel as if it's because he doesn't care enough about the kids and myself. I know that's not really it, but it's hard not to feel abandoned when he's not caring for his health.
So what does my obesity say? Fat acceptance is a great phrase, but to me it means that I should dress so I feel pretty, but I need to do everything in my power to ensure that I will be around for my kids. To be sure that I'll be around to see grandkids. I will admit, until I read Allan's blog, really read it, I wasn't doing what I should. I'd decide that I wanted a chocolate bar, so bought it, justifying it by saying that it was only once in awhile. But it wasn't once in awhile, it was frequently. I had the help of a corporate dietitian. She suggested I exercise more and drop to 1600 calories from the 1800 she started me at. I wasn't willing to do that even. I couldn't find the time to join Tae Kwon Do again or do a 20 minute exercise video. I simply wasn't willing to do anything to help my health except for a half-hearted attempt to lose weight.
My kids will never meet my dad in this life. He had a stroke at 55 and became disabled and unable to work. I remember, it was 1978 or 1979, just before he and Mom got divorced. He died in 2003 at 80. I remember how he ate after the divorce. He'd get his disability check once a month, and for the first few days or so he'd eat really expensive foods. By the end of the month, he'd eat half a can of Spaghetti-O's at each meal. On the other hand, he always had Fig Newton's in the house. As long as it wasn't obviously high sodium he'd eat it. He didn't see the link between what he ate and his health other than the sodium. We didn't as much in the 80's, it just wasn't broadcast as much. All we heard was that Saccharine was bad for us, or margarine was better for us than butter.
I have no excuse. Justin's aunt and uncle in Kansas City don't have any excuse. He used to be in the Army. He knows how to keep physically fit. Instead, he doesn't control his eating, and both of them keep getting bigger. It makes me desperately sad. He breaks down and cries because he had so many plans on what he wanted to do when both of them retired. But he still doesn't control his eating. She has dabbled in Weight Watchers. She said she's on 1500 calories a day, but I seriously doubt it. Justin's sister said that they don't buy fresh produce. Justin's sister told me that their uncle may cry that he's heavy and not able to do what he wanted to do, but his attitude toward his diet is that no one else cares, so why should he. He's so wrong, but how do you bring up someone's weight when you're scared for their life?
On to the happier stuff. I did very well at lunch, I'm so proud of myself. I got 1 rotisserie chicken breast and took off the skin. I got about a cup of spinach, and added shredded carrots, celery and about 1/2 of a small tomato. I was getting a little worried about the dressing, then saw the oil and vinegar cruets sitting at the end of the salad bar near the spinach. I drank 3 cups of diet Pepsi and a cup of water.
I didn't touch the rolls. One of my favorite foods there. Justin was sitting next to me and came back with a plate of desserts, and I didn't touch those. His aunt and uncle brought a birthday cake for Justin's grandfather, the buttercream icing smelled so good, but I didn't touch it. His aunt kept asking me if I was sure I didn't want any and I finally said that I had lost almost 10 lbs and wanted to keep losing. At that point, she said it was a better way to lose 10 lbs than the heart operation she had this fall, and that was the end of anyone offering me anything I shouldn't eat. It was hard, but I did what I was supposed to do. I will admit I came home and ate a yogurt and then my afternoon snack in the form of a 100 calorie ice cream bar.
Dinner was whole wheat pasta, shrimp and mushrooms. I'm not sure if mushrooms are considered vegetables since they're really fungi but for today I'm counting it as a veggie. Snack was pb on a graham cracker.
I'm full and happy. My weigh in was actually 233.8, though I told Allan 234. It'll be nice to get into the next lower decade in weight. At some point - hopefully soon - my old jeans should start fitting me so I don't have to wear the same 3 pairs of jeans throughout the week. I've got clothes for as far down at 190 lbs in storage. I'm not sure what I have other than that. I may even have some size 14's (the next size after that) but they'll be 20 years out of style mostly, with the exception of the jeans I bought in France which are low-rise.
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