Day 7 - New Year, New Me

Breakfast this morning was on plan tho still egg substitute instead of oatmeal.  I weighed out 1 oz of freshly shredded part-skim mozzarella and was shocked at how much it was.  It looked like more than if I buy the already shredded mozzarella.

I bought pickles yesterday, but not only is the duckie boy a cheese monster, but he's a pickle monster.  I'm going to have to buy more LOL.

I was looking back on the last year last night while MUDding (short explanation, it's a text based game along the same lines as World of Warcraft or Everquest.  The one I play on I've been playing for 16 years, many of the people there are ones that I've known for that many years, though some of them I've met since I re-started playing in 2008 when I logged in on a whim and saw someone that I was close to in '96).  

Anyway, now that I've gotten totally off the subject, I was looking back on this year and thinking about how things have changed and how far I've come even if I weigh within 2 lbs of what I weighed last December.  This year is going to be different because I'm no longer afraid to go below 1800 calories.  I know what to eat and how to eat so I can lose this weight that needs to go for my health and for my kids.  I'm no longer going to do what I did last year where I said my goal was to hit TBS by July '14 (for my 25th high school reunion).

Things that have changed over the last year:

• I no longer have to get up at 2 am to roll papers.  We've dropped both local home delivery paper routes.
• The freelance writing I was doing dried up and I haven't found another source
• I use coupons a lot more and have some necessities stockpiled - enough for a couple of months
• Money isn't as tight as it was, and I didn't strangle Justin for doing what he did and not getting unemployment after being laid off work.  We got through, it wasn't easy but we did it and our marriage is stronger for it.

Things that haven't changed over the last year:

• I miss my programming job or any job that's computer related.  I don't like my current job any more than I did a year ago - I did apply for a programming job and it came down to myself and 2 others, but I didn't get it.
• I miss my family and really want to be down in FL with them.  My plan was to move there last year, but Jan 1 a year later and we're still in the same boring town and tiny apartment which seems tinier at the moment because of the piles of papers that need to go to recycling.

In the last year, I've changed a lot of my thoughts - though you can't tell it from my other blog which desperately needs to be redesigned and updated including links.

In the last year, I lost a dear friend to colon cancer.  The way her cancer spread reminded me of my grandfather and how his pancreatic cancer was too far along for them to do anything at all.  It had spread to the bones in his pelvis and all they could do was treat the symptoms and make him comfortable.  Then grammie died in 2008 from complications to cancer as well.  Since I was pregnant when she died, I'm not remembering much about that, but between her Alzheimers and the cancer, she was put on morphine because they couldn't do anything else to treat her either.  She wouldn't have understood about the cancer with as far gone as she was mentally.  Since both of my grandparents farmed and lived on a farm their whole lives, I sometimes wonder about some things that I don't want to go into right now with regards to natural health and organic farming... then again, I remember eating Oreo doublestuffs when I spent a week with them in the summer to go to vacation Bible camp.


Which brings me to what I've been thinking about for the last few months.  As a friend of mine pointed out (and I think she got it from Allan), Jude may have died from cancer, but we need to treat our fat as cancer.  We need to remember that the fat can shorten our lives.  I need to remember that my kids need a mother, all of them - even the 19 year old who acts like he doesn't want anything to do with me.

My goal this year is to continue to lose weight (I'm at about 3 lbs lost over the last week since I started seriously watching what I eat - official numbers are tomorrow).  I don't really have a number goal, though I do want to get to a healthy BMI.  My goal is TBS after that - total body satisfaction.  I believe I'll know when I'm at the right weight once I get there.

It took me so long to write this with the munchkin around that I've already had lunch.  Lunch was oatmeal with natural peanut butter and Splenda since I've been saying I should eat oatmeal.  It's still on plan, I'm at 520 calories for the day so far.