Weight Loss Ticker

Sunday, July 17, 2011

The Pure Randomness in my Head

I made it to FL last Sunday - well technically Monday morning since it was almost 1 am after the kids and I spent the day with my Marine and his girl.  I've spent the week looking for a job and spending time with my kids and my family.  I'm more relaxed in one way, but I'm more stressed because I so need a job. 

I'm also wanting to cry all the time and wondering if I made a mistake.  I don't know what's up with me.  I know it's depression.  I just don't know what to do about it.  I am so tempted to go back to Enid, but that's not the answer.  Enid is a black hole, and if we go back, we won't get a chance to get out again.  Plus, if I go back, I'm going to have to go back to work at the place I left, though not necessarily in the same job.  They're doing away with benefits since the merger and I was very unhappy there.  So I need to hunt for a job down here and just hope that I can handle it all until Justin gets down here.

I'm also starting to remember that my family isn't as rosy as I was remembering when I was living a long ways away.  My sister and I will probably hang out a lot, and I'll spend time with my mother, but my stepdad is a cranky old man and my sister-in-law is always going to be difficult.  The whole family dynamic isn't the easiest no matter what family you're in.

Anyway, it's now several hours later and I really need to get to bed.  I'll get through this, and I'm focusing on my food starting tomorrow morning.  I didn't do badly tonight, but really need to work on my water again.

No comments: