Weight Loss Ticker

Friday, December 31, 2010

Day 6 final stats

Calories: 1007
Water: 80 oz
Protein: 74g
Fat: 31g 
Fiber: 15g

Overall not a bad day.  Got more gum for the week. The only things I need are more chicken since it's on sale, ditto for thin buns and I need to find some oatmeal... high cholesterol runs in my family.

Do Not Want

The car is filled with the smell of chocolate. Justin bought Little Debbies brownies for the kids. They do NOT need the sugar. When I said as much (after calling him evil for buying it - Little Debbie snacks are a weakness of mine) he said he doesn't buy them for the kids often.

They don't need the soda or bug juice either and that he gets more frequently. They would have been fine with water. That's what they were drinking at home.

Now I get to sit in a car that smells like chocolate and convince myself I'm happy with Extra Dessert Sensations gum (not the mint chocolate chip one either)


Sounds redundant, but there's a radio station here in OK that says that on Friday mornings.  An Okie on eDiets started saying that there (at least I think she started it, she certainly kept it up) and to me, it's just not Friday without seeing it.  :)  I quit eDiets when it got so expensive and I didn't have time to moderate the HTML board.  Of course, with the way they kept changing up the boards, a big group of us weren't able to consistently log on any more and that contributed as well.

Breakfast was a breakfast burrito with low fat mozzarella and a whole wheat tortilla.

I've got company on my lap this morning since its a lazy morning so more later.  A trip to Wal-Mart is in the cards.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Day 5 - Final Stats

Overall, not bad for today.  I won't say it was easy.  I had a can of diet Pepsi to get through the day.  Then I left work early and took a nap.  My fat was under 30% today, so I'm happy with that.

Calories: 1042
Water: 100+ oz (I lost count after 7 (16 oz) cups)
Protein: 78g
Fat: 36g 
Fiber: 19g

I had planned on just a Krunch Lite bar tonight, but the kids wanted ice cream too.  The 2 year old just walked around with his Fudge Lite bar, so I ate it before it melted.  Even with both ice cream bars, I didn't do too badly, and the second bar had me feeling like I was treating myself.  It's not something I'm going to do all the time, and I can control myself with these in the house - I bought 1 box of each about a month ago, and of the 24 bars total, there are still 4 left.

The stress at work got to me today.  There's no other answer for my tears when I got home. 

No More Cheat Days

So when I was losing weight before, I always planned Friday as a "Cheat Day" where I could have one meal within reason and off plan.  I'm not doing that this time.  I didn't do it in November or whenever it was that I started South Beach before I failed miserably...

I'm craving something... I'm not sure what.  I just want to mindlessly eat.  Gum is helping a very little, though I've gone through almost a full pack this week.  Water isn't helping.  I'm debating getting a can of diet soda.  I don't lose weight very well drinking soda, but there are times I'm not sure what else to do.  The soda will at least help me grit my teeth through the rest of the afternoon.  Time is dragging slowly by and the long weekend is coming up.

Day 5 - lunch

I think its time to go home. It's 60+ out at the end of December in Oklahoma.

Lunch was baked salmon on a thin bun. Snack hummus and carrots because I can spread it out so I can be snacking all afternoon.

I'm doing well at keeping my mouth shut.

Day 5 - New Day

I didn’t realize how much negativity I have been carrying around with me.  I’m feeling so much lighter this morning it’s scary, or maybe it’s the Dunkin’ Donuts Turbo coffee that I’ve been drinking.  I’ve also regained my sarcasm.  Hmm that might not be a good thing here at work when asked stupid questions.  I’ve already had to watch my mouth once this morning.

The whisper, whisper girls are getting to me again.  No worries, I’ve got my headphones on and am listening to my Celtic bagpipe music with the nature sounds.  LOL sounds awful, but I find it relaxing when people are getting on my nerves.  Besides, the music helps drown out the whispering.  The manager has said she’d make all reservations needed for the trip in 2 weeks, but one of these girls has to check up on whether it has been done yet. 

Food was a mushroom and Swiss omelet with Egg Beaters type stuff.  I get the Braums brand because Wal-Mart was out of anything other than all whites.  Of course, I’ll probably keep buying the Braums brand because it’s about 10 cents per carton cheaper.  I really need to make it to Aldi this weekend to compare more prices.

I’m out for now, enjoy your S.H.I.T. day (So Happy It’s Thursday) LOL.  I have tomorrow off so this is the last day of my work week. 

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Day 4 - Final stats and some thoughts

Lets get the stats out of the way first. Too much mayonnaise in my tuna put me high in fat, but I stayed under 1100 calories, just 37% fat.  Ugh!

Calories: 1069
Water: 100+ oz (I lost count after 7 cups)
Protein: 87g
Fat: 45g 
Fiber: 20g

BUT though I skipped the afternoon snack, I still got 4 servings of veggies today, I was short on fruit and I'll make that up tomorrow.

While I was out walking tonight, I started thinking about the last time I lost a substantial amount of weight.  I tried to remember what I did, I tried to remember my mindset.  I lost about 40 lbs in 2001 when on eDiets.  I ate the right things, drank my water and exercised.  I was content with my life, then the bottom dropped out of my little world when my boyfriend started saying a lot of stuff that no longer matters.  I think, I honestly think I've obsessed about that enough for a lifetime.  Honestly, he and my Marine didn't get along.  Though he and I had a lot in common and he made me happy, there were a lot of issues that he just put off dealing with.  Looking back, he had trapped himself in a situation that he could only get out of when I left.  Though I left for all the wrong reasons, leaving was the right thing to do.

He didn't trap just himself in that situation though.  He trapped me and my son too.  The depression I went through, the long years of it weren't just from him and his actions.  Instead of dealing with things, I let them simmer and I obsessed over them.  I did the same in 2003, and I feel like I really strained some very precious relationships because I tend to obsess over things that are going on in my life.  Then I eat.  Eating doesn't give me anything but a momentary pleasure, the taste of the food, the texture in my mouth.

I was thinking about that when I refilled my water cup today.  I have to pass the vending machine at work on each trip to the break room for water.  I said earlier that it's not much of a temptation... it isn't, but it is.  I looked at the chocolate bars in there and thought about how the stress from work would seem to go away.  I could focus, even momentarily on the experience of eating and the feeling of the sugar hitting my blood stream.  I almost took a picture and sent the picture to this blog. 

But sugar isn't the answer to the problems that plague me.  Eating isn't the answer either.  I need to work on letting go and forgiving myself for obsessing over things that I should have put behind me.  Over the hurts that I brought on myself with thoughtless actions.  I realized the other day that I've punished myself for the mistakes I've made over the last 7 years.  I've distanced myself from those friends that I made.  I disappear on them so I can't get the encouragement I need for the healthy eating.  The reminders and gentle nudges that come from long-time friendships.  In distancing myself though, I've also failed them.  I haven't been there for them.  I've had excuses but in the end, it all comes down to not being the friend I know I can be and for that I'm mad at myself.  Writing this out is a small step toward making it up to them.  I need to acknowledge it before I can work toward making things right.

I think that I'm going to have to work on forgiveness most of all.  The first person I need to forgive is myself.  I need to forgive myself for moving around so much when my Marine was younger.  I also need to forgive myself for subjecting him to living in a homeless shelter... I could have moved back to Vermont and started over.  My parents would even have helped me.  I should have just stayed in the area when I went to NY for Daddy's funeral.  I didn't have a job at the time anyway, so it's not like I had any reason to come back to the mid-west.  I was selfish and young.  I guess that's something else I need to sort through and put behind me.

Day 4 - lunch

Lunch was what I planned this morning. No unexpected treats at work so no real minefield today other than the vending machine that doesn't tempt me.

I don't need to go to Cinci in 2 weeks but pretty much the rest of the department will be going. It'll really be quiet at work those 3 days.

Someone said something about a pot luck next week for January birthdays. I'll have to be sure to either plan my own lunch or bring something I can eat. One of our co-packers sent chili, chili con queso and queso that the department is planning on eating. They sent the same last year and I wasn't too impressed, so it won't be much of a temptation.

A scattered post today. Work stuff weighing on my mind...

Day 4 - With More Sleep

LOL so Justin is training someone for the paper route we're dropping.  It's all good, she really needs the money because she's having trouble with her 6th grader and is having to homeschool him.  I'm feeling better about it.  I felt bad because we've been hearing a lot about how we're the first carriers in awhile where people haven't had problems getting their paper.  BUT we have to do what we have to do, and I'm getting too old to get up at 3 am and then up again at 7 to sit at a desk all day.  It'd be different if I could go to bed earlier than 9, but someone needs to be up until the kids are asleep.

I did get 12 minutes of walking in place yesterday.  I remembered at 8:25 that I had said I'd walk at home, so I just got up and walked in place until my 2 year old started crying.  We're working with him on sleeping through the night in his own bed, the paper route hasn't been conducive for that either.  He did pretty well overall last night.

Breakfast, the fake eggs again with a slice of Swiss and my V8.

Lunch... I'm out of soup and forgot to make burritos last night.  I'm thinking I'll take a pouch of tuna, I have some thin buns at work, and can have a tuna sandwich.  Snack will be carrots with hummus, and probably cheese with a clementine as well since I'm really hungry today.  Still planning on staying around 1000 calories, so I'm going to have to get the best bang for my buck.

As Pam has been saying... time to make the donuts.  We just can't eat 'em.  LOL  Of course, she says that closer to 5 am than I am :)

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Day 3 - Final Stats

Okay, so I obviously wasn't paying attention when posting earlier today.  Day 2 lunch for the 2nd day in a row LOL.

Dinner - leftover spaghetti.  Snack was hummus and carrots this morning and a cheese stick and a clementine this afternoon.  I'm feeling good about my day overall at least food-wise.  Work... well the merger is going to drive me crazy.  The head of the new department emailed that everyone is expected in Cincinnati for a meeting on the 13th and 14th of January.  I just can't do it.  We're dropping one paper route this week, but Justin will still be delivering papers, and I need to be at home to watch the munchkins.  My manager says this isn't going to affect my job.  Since she still doesn't know for sure that she has a job, I'm not sure if I should believe her or not.  If I do lose my job... it'll give me a lot more time to focus on weight loss.  LOL  Or I could apply for the writing job I've been considering for a year.

Final stats today:

Calories: 1005
Water: 100+ oz (I lost count after 7 cups)
Protein: 56g
Fat: 38g (over 30% again. this time it's the meat in the spaghetti) 
Fiber: 20g

Overall, not bad.  Still under 1200 calories.  I really don't think the fat matters quite as much as it could if I was eating more calories or less healthy food.

Day 3 - Lunch

Lunch was a repeat of yesterday without throwing any away - I only had 3/4 cup of the soup left. LOL.
Skipping the treadmill today but I'm going for a 20 minute walk after work. With how sore I am today, I think intervals 2 days in a row is a bit much.

I still haven't touched the treats that were brought in. Go me :)

Day 3 - Testing my Willpower

Breakfast was a sandwich with egg substitute, mushrooms and a thin wheat bun (the 100 calorie ones).  I think the blog name needs to change to Sharleone is losing it.  LOL after my post last night, I think I am…

I weighed today and am a bit discouraged after yesterday.  Yesterday morning, I was down .4 lbs (not much, and I know I shouldn't take it as gospel, but I felt good about it.)  Today, I was down an additional .2 lbs.  Yea, I ate 158 calories more, but I also exercised… and I estimated on the high side for a lot… as in the spaghetti with meat sauce I measured 1 cup of everything combined, but in SparkPeople, I put in 1 cup of whole wheat spaghetti, then 1/2 cup of pasta sauce and 2 oz of meat.  Just the meat and spaghetti would be more than 1 cup, but I wanted to go high to be sure that I'm not underestimating since I can do that easy enough to justify my eating.  I did the same with lunch, I put in the amounts I had packed and didn't subtract the calories in the 1/2 cup I threw out.  After thinking about it, I also had 2 diet sodas.  I need to cut out the soda. 

Then today, there's a tin of some sort of homemade cookies on the filing cabinet behind me.  They're honestly not calling my name.  The only thing calling my name after yesterday is ibuprofen.  Already done my first 16 oz of water.

**edited to add - new rule.  No more weighing myself every day.  Only once a week even though I love my new fancy schmancy digital scale that doesn't vary 5 lbs if I shift my weight lol.

Monday, December 27, 2010


I knew this wasn't going to be easy. I ate plenty for dinner. I know I shouldnt be hungry. Instead my brain is telling me I'm starving. I've done a lot of damage to my body. I have a lot to forgive myself for. I know my issue is psychological. I know I have an addictive personality (gaming til 5 am anyone?). I just need to get myself some gum and find something else to do. Oh yea and scream because this is why I always fail at diets. I start and the harder I work at it the faster I get to the point where my brain says I'm starving.

Day 2 - Final Stats

Today's intervals on the treadmill  was 5 minutes at 3.0 mph, 2 minutes at 3.3, 1 minute at 3.1, 2 at 3.5, etc until the 16 minute mark (with the last 2 minutes at 3.9 mph) and then a 5 minute cool-down.

Justin made spaghetti for dinner with whole wheat pasta.  I measured out 1 cup and calculated high on the calories for a total of 1, 019 calories for the day.

Final stats:

Calories: 1019
Water: 100+ oz (I lost count after 6 cups)
Protein: 49g
Fat: 33g
Fiber: 23g

Not bad overall, though I really wanted to be around 900 calories again today.  I'll take the 1000.  A trip to WalMart is in the cards, and that's it for me.

Day 2 - lunch & exercise

Lunch was a repeat of yesterday with the addition of spinach and swiss cheese. I ate until I was full and threw away the rest - maybe half a cup. I figure 250 caliries for lunch I'll enter it later.

Exercise is 21 minutes of intervals on the treadmill. Explanation of the intervals tonight.

Day 2 - The Work Week Begins

It’s definitely easier for me to start a weight loss program during the week.  I should breeze by this week… key word being should.

Breakfast was Bob’s Red Mill 5 Grain Cereal with frozen blueberries and sweetener.  I had my V8, putting me at 210 calories before I left the house.  I decided to try a sample of Starbucks Vanilla coffee since I wasn’t making a mocha.  Not bad, but definitely not something I’d buy for myself.  I didn’t make it out of the house yesterday to buy cremora so only put in sweetener.  When I got to work, I added 2 packets of CoffeeMate sticks that I had in my desk.  Still not bad, but not the best coffee I’ve had either.  Of course, I prefer Dunkin’ Donuts or Green Mountain Coffee over Starbucks… you can take the girl out of New England, but you can’t take the Yankee out of the girl or something like that LOL.

I'm going to have to figure something out since it doesn't appear that email posting is working correctly and logging onto here or using my cell phone at work is frowned upon.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Day 1 - Final Stats

I need to shake things up tomorrow, but not bad for today.  Total at the end of the day per SparkPeople:
Calories: 861
Water: 96 oz
Protein: 65g
Fat: (too high) 42g
 I skipped the hummus and homemade pita chips after all, I simply wasn't hungry enough.  I am adding in a 100 calorie ice cream bar, as under 800 calories just seems unbelievable to me LOL.

Tomorrow, work and listening to everyone worry about the email we received after just about everyone else had left.  My company just went through a merger with 2 other companies.  We received an email stating that the new head of our department is coming from OH to OK to discuss our positions in the new company.  We've been told by our department manager that our jobs are safe, but others including the new CEO have said people here in town will be losing their jobs and that we'd be hearing something after the 1st of the year.  I swear, sometimes it seems like they just worry things to death.  I need to fill up my MP3 player because I really don't care to hear everyone go in circles about that damn email.  We'll lose our jobs or we won't.  Spending hours talking about it will change nothing.

And Lunch - an Explanation of Epicurial Delights

So my lunch pretty much made up for the high calories eaten earlier today.  I am having a cup of what was originally supposed to be cream of butternut soup.  However, I changed the recipe some... I boiled the butternut squash in about 2 cups of chicken broth and added a sweet potato and 2 or 3 cloves of garlic.  Once everything was well cooked, I mashed it and added about 1 cup of 2% milk.  Lower in calories than the original recipe, which called for butter and half and half.  It's very yummy though, and very filling.

Looking at my protein and fiber stats, I may need to add in a 1 serving package of hummus and homemade pita chips made out of a whole wheat pita.  Dinner is already planned with 3 oz of chicken with 2 cups of spinach sauteed in 1 tbsp of olive oil with garlic.  Another yum. 

My goal is to increase the veggies, decrease the calories from the 1600 that I've been averaging and still make my meals tasty. 

Day 1 - Starting Early

Okay, so I entered my information so far this morning.  Justin made my coffee, so I didn't end up with black coffee.  I didn't want to throw it out (gotta get out of that mindset) so I drank it.  That put me over 400 calories for breakfast since I had 2 eggs, a 1 oz piece of cheese and a 5.5 oz V8 juice after I drank the coffee.  I did tell Justin that I probably need to switch to black coffee except as a treat.

Me again

I'll post a better pic of me when I get up for the day. Papers are rolled for Justin to deliver so now its time for a nap until the kids get up. Nite nite LOL (okay its 5 am but what else can I say?)

And finally

Me. On Christmas day 2010

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Totals for Christmas

Okay, it's not pretty, but I'm going to post my stats for today per SparkPeople.  I didn't do as well as I had hoped, though they had me at 1650 to 2000 calories (something that I need to adjust since I'll be doing no more than 1200 calories).  I came in under their goal, though way over where I should have been today.  Since I knew I was starting tomorrow, I just said fuck it and ate a piece of the gingerbread house as well.  Ick, definitely not something I'm going to repeat.  It's going in the trash in the morning.

Today, SparkPeople came up with:
Calories: 1,607
Carbs: 203g
Fat: 47g
Protein: 99g

I need to figure out something else for my coffee, the milk I've been putting in it has me at 112 calories for my morning coffee.  I can do Splenda -  I may just need to start drinking it black & sweet again instead of adding sugar free syrup and milk to make mocha.  Probably best for the diet anyway.

Granted, before deciding that I'm going to do no more than 1200 calories, I would have considered today a success.  Being morbidly obese, I need to remember that if I want to get healthy the fastest, I need to do this right.  No cheating, no saying 'fuck it.'  Nothing.

Reading old blog posts on Allan's blog, he talks about how God didn't get us here... no he didn't.  But He helps me find the strength in myself to do what I should do.  Sloth, gluttony & pride are all sins.


Another reason to get serious about weight loss. I love him but he makes me sad. He has diabetes, high cholesterol/triglycerides and borderline high blood pressure but he doesn't do a lot about it. He takes his diabetes medicine but eats what he wants at any given moment.  I can only nag so much.  He needs to decide for himself that he's going to do it right.

Starting at Christmas

I know there are going to be a lot of issues to get through in my journey.  After reading Allan's blog and joining his challenge, I decided to change my old blog about health issues in the news to a journal of my weight loss.  Yes, I have another blog (the one at http://www.thewoodedglen.com) but my other blog has more to do with gaming and general life.  Since people on the MUD that I play on read it, I don't feel like it's a comfortable place for me to work through the emotional issues I have with losing weight.  I know I have a lot of them.  I know I've had a lot of false starts.  That's why I want to write down what's going on in my mind.

Here's what I'm committing to, starting tomorrow
  1. I'm going to focus on tracking my calories. 
  2. I'm going to focus on getting at least 7 hours of sleep (that'll be much easier once we drop the 2nd paper route)
  3. I'm going to focus on exercise every day - there's a treadmill at work, Justin and I are planning on getting one at home
Three small things, since for me water goes without saying.  I drink 5 - 6 cups of water a day, each cup is about 20 oz - I really need to measure the cup to be sure exactly how much it holds.  I know what will help me re-lose the weight.  It's no longer baby weight, my baby is 2.  The weight is from when I was pregnant with my 5 year old.  Of course, I stopped at 208 lbs back in 2001, so I want to go lower than that anyway.  Actually there's a 4th thing
4. Journal my journey, work through the emotional issues that I have with regards to weight.
I know I have those too.

Join me on my journey if you dare.  It'll get ugly.  It'll get emotional.  I've definitely had my eyes opened as I've checked the calorie count(s) for a lot of my 'normal' diet foods.  Bean burritos made with whole wheat tortillas - fine, but one is going to be 200 calories.  I need to figure out exactly how it's going to fit into my diet.  I did decide that my favorite breakfast is going to be 8 grain cereal with blueberries.  This may be TMI but that breakfast keeps me regular, but I may alternate it with the omelet that I've gotten used to.  With the fake eggs and a slice of cheese it's not that bad calorie-wise, and I really don't notice much of a difference in the taste between the carton eggs and real eggs.

I also figured out that I can post through MMS.  That's a good thing, as I refuse to pay $25 per phone for Internet access for my BlackBerry and Justin's Internet capable Gravity III.  We pay for Internet at home, why add in the $50 extra to our phone bill?

Anyway, I'll post more later... maybe not tonight, but this post is a start to show that I'm serious.  I'm focused and I'm doing this.  This is who I'm doing it for...

My kitty girl (All kids names have been changed LOL - I chose Halloween pictures for 2 reasons, first I love these pictures, second it makes them almost unrecognizable if you see them in person - this is my blog not theirs)

My ducky boy

I've got another, but he's 19 and in the Marines.  He's stationed in SC and is engaged to be married.  Ideally, I'd love to be 'normal weight' when he gets married.

The 19 year old did hurt my feelings a bit when he was home earlier this month, and my reaction was to want to turn to food.  He got mad because he made plane reservations back for the wrong day not once, but twice and he told me he was never coming back to windy OK to visit me.  I loaned him enough money to pay for the plane fare back, but he had to hurry so much to get through security and on the plane that I got barely a hug.  Yea, that feels good after 10 years of single parenting.  Oh the joys of kids.  I know I'm not the only one to go through it, and at least mine turned out very well.  I'm so very proud of him even when he hurts my feelings.  There was a long time when he was so angry at the world, yet now he's let go of the anger and is a Marine.  Semper Fi.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Christmas memories

Its funny what will trigger memories of Christmas gone by. Every year we would get these for my step-dad. Some years everyone would get a box.