Saturday, January 28, 2012
I've been getting dizzy a lot lately when I stand up, no matter how slowly I stand up. I finally took my blood pressure at Walmart. I know it's not entirely accurate, but each time I've taken it in the last few days, it's been ~95/65. I know I tend to have low blood pressure, this just proves it. The problem is, I don't have any money for the doctor. I'm wondering if it's related to being off my (low) dose of the thyroid meds. I know I'm having problems with regularity, which I tend to have no matter how much water I drink and fiber I eat, and that gets better on the thyroid meds too.
Anyway, I need to get this written because I have a huge assignment to work on for a job application.
Laterness & g'night.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
So, Monday I start back to my old job. I'm so NOT looking forward to it, but I need a job. I know I'm going to make about $3 less an hour than I did when I was working there because they're going to hire me through a temp agency. What fun.
My 2nd day of morning devotionals, and another mixed day. I got a lecture from the grandmother about working and how I need a job, and I ended up in tears. I guess I just need to let it all slide right now. She says she's worried that once the house up the street is available, we won't be able to afford it and they 'can't do everything.' She doesn't understand that if it's not God's plan for us, it won't happen. I'm doing everything I can and leaving the rest to Him.
So far this week, I haven't missed a day walking at the mall. I've been watching what I eat the best I can and just trying to get through it all. Water is better today.
I may be back later today. If not, laterness & g'night.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
About 2 hours before my interview, my Marine texted me. He needed my current address to be able to set up power of attorney for himself. He's going to be deployed in March, and I will have limited power of attorney to keep track of things while he's gone. Like registering his vehicle, or if his stuff needs to be moved for an unforeseen reason. Great. Ok, I can take this, I knew he was going to be deployed to Afghanistan in March.
Then he breaks the news to me, he's not a computer tech for the Marines right now, he's an MP. Apparently the commander didn't like that my Marine was married to one of the (female) radio operators in the same office where my Marine should be working. They're separated and possibly getting divorced right now, but the commander wanted them working in different areas. So my Marine is now an MP, and will be an MP in Afghanistan.
Momma's not happy. In fact, I'm still a bit weepy about the whole situation. I'll bet you can see where this is going, right? Yea, the job interview consisted of me getting weepy, explaining why to the guy I was interviewing with (thankfully retired Army, so he understood). The rest of my interview has been rescheduled for next Tuesday.
I'm feeling miserable today anyway, more and more like we're in the way here at the grandparents house. My husband is feeling this way too tonight, so I'm not the only one. But we're supposed to be buying a house, and the person isn't planning on selling it til April, so we're stuck unless we want to rent a cheap trailer somewhere. Even then, I need a job to be able to pay off the other utilities so we can afford to get them turned on anywhere.
We did get offered a paper route today. Hubby works for the local newspaper in the mail room, and he used to deliver this route. The woman who took it over isn't able to do it any more. The grandparents think we shouldn't take it because gas prices are $3.04 a gallon, but it's only 1.5 hours a day, and it's more money coming in with his hours being cut. We'll make a bit less than we were when we did the route before, but that's the nature of paper routes. When we did it before, gas prices were closer to $3.40, so I think it'll work out.
So, I sit here nauseous. Miserable. Upset. And wondering where the upbeat part of me went. The one that thought I'd be able to get through anything (and I know I will.. one step at a time, I just don't feel like it right now).
I want chocolate, but I'm not letting myself have any. I know I'll get through this, I'm just miserable and depressed.
Laterness & g'night.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
I'm borderline depressed tonight, just a lot of little things going on.
Someone at church died this week of a massive stroke. She was 57 and raising 2 of her grandchildren.
The pastor's mother in law at the church I went to in FL is having problems. She had a bypass done last week. Tonight, the pastor's wife got a call that her mom's heartbeat is irregular, and she needs to see a cardiologist tomorrow.
If you pray, I know both families would really appreciate it.
I'm not feeling well tonight, I'm nauseous. As soon as I can get my article rewritten, I'll go to bed and see if sleep helps. I took a nap this afternoon, but it just left me feeling tired.
Anyway, that's it for tonight. Laterness & g'night.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Food has been light, even though the grandfather just harps on me about what I'm eating. Geesh, if I choose to skip the gravy, let me be already. I go easy on the meat, and he assumes it's because I don't like what's for dinner. It's a fine line I'm trying to walk, that's for sure. I'm doing well, though or at least I think I am.
I need to get some writing done. We're pretty desperate for money right now, and Justin's hours have been cut - of course, let's just see how rough we can have things. I'm getting so discouraged. We have less than $50 to get us through until payday on Friday, and his check won't cover everything we need to pay and still get us through until the next paycheck.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Otherwise, I've been for walks 3 days this week, so I'm just plugging along. We'll see what happens Sunday. I am focusing on the food this week.
Monday, January 16, 2012
I've also added my BMI to my weight bar at the top.
Today's exercise was running around the circle driveway about 10 times. Not a big driveway, but that was close to a mile, and at least one time around I ran instead of walking.
There's a lot going on right now, and I'm having trouble processing everything. I've now got ideas for 2 fiction books rolling around in my head, and I'm still trying to figure out what to do to look for a job. I'm tempted to go to Kickstarter, but don't know what to offer as a prize for those who support me. I'm thinking about entering a writing contest, but I have 2 weeks to write the first 3 chapters. In the meantime, I have 2 hours to write an article about Grooveshark.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
At least the interviews are keeping the grandparents off my back about job hunting.
The boy and I are getting ready to walk at the mall (before its officially open, so there's room to walk).
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Weigh in is down 2.4 lbs this week. From 197.2 to 194.8
That said, I've been doing some thinking about something someone said on Allan's blog. I said I can't control what I eat, just how much, and they called bullshit.
So I started thinking about this. Right now, we're living with relatives. I'm not working, and they're supplying everything for food and drink unless we buy soda. Yes, my husband is working, but I'm trying to get a few things paid off and keep gas in the cars until I get a job, not to mention paying my cell phone bill and car insurance.
When I was living with my parents, I could ask mom to buy certain foods. I could make what I wanted to eat without causing a major drama situation. I was working, so if I chose to buy something for myself, like strawberries for a smoothie, I could and she didn't say anything.
With the grandparents, if I try to buy food once I'm working, I'll be told that there's no room for it. My husband's sister used to stay here, and had food stamps and that's what she was told. My husband has been told the same as well. Even if I make something different for the kids for dinner, I get snide comments about them needing to eat what everyone else does.
On days that there's fried chicken or country fried steak, I simply eat everything but the meat without making an issue about it. They try to push food off on me, and I just say no thanks.
I'm not in the easiest situation right now, but I'm doing the best I can. I can tell you that I'm so looking forward to having my own place so I can have chicken, broccoli and baked potato with butter spray. Heck, any veggie that's not canned would be wonderful. I'd love a smoothie right now, I'm craving one like you wouldn't believe. I have to find someplace with a sugar free one in town, maybe the new place near Hobby Lobby has something.
Anyway, I'm out for now. Laterness & g'night.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
I have mixed feelings about his comments. On the one hand - I disagree with a good portion. On the other - I agree with some of them, but feel he could have put it in a less confrontational way. I refuse to get in the fighting matches, and just pray that all involved find wisdom and discernment.
Today, the husband and I took the boy to the mall for a walk. We got about 2x around today, which is a bit over a mile - one time around is 0.6 miles.
I did better with water today as well.
Food, I tried to limit portions, and think I did well, but am looking at reducing my amounts even further as time goes on to be sure that I'm doing it right. We're looking at a house that will come on the market sometime this spring - if I can get a job and we can come up with the money to buy it. Until then, we're still living with his grandparents.
For the fast with church, I think I'm going to try to fast meat at least a few days. The intention will be there at any rate.
I am still working at coming back regularly. There's progress at least, 3x so far this week. LOL
Laterness & g'night.
Monday, January 2, 2012
Applied for only 1 job today, but registered the girl for school. Had to shop for school supplies too. Tomorrow I need to find more of her winter clothes in storage. Should be fun...
I also need to do some writing, and listen to a podcast on getting clients, and apply for several more jobs.
Food wasn't bad today, I'm going to bed hungry - I kept the portions small. Water was only about 80 oz, and exercise was walking around Walmart and Kmart looking for school supplies.
Better tomorrow. Laterness & g'night.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
The depression came back. I've been having major panic attacks. I've been working 2 jobs in the meantime, and trying to figure things out, while writing and spending time with my family any chance I get.
For the moment, I'm back in OK. But, since I don't have a job, we are living with my husband's grandparents. I barely touched lunch, trying to keep my portions in check, and they kept trying to give me more. It's going to be a major struggle. I was wanting to fast this year with the church, but don't know what to fast since I can't do the Daniel Fast in this situation.
I miss my family more than I can say, but am feeling like I made the right choice coming back to OK right now. It was so hard to have my family separated like that. It got to where the kids were asking for Daddy 20x a day. I know that some told me to hang in there, that I'd find something after the beginning of the year, but it would have meant divorcing my husband in the process, or at least leaving him and remaining separated.
My husband would have had to stay in Enid for reasons I'd rather not go into. Moving to FL was important to me, but not so much that I was willing to give up my marriage and the kids spending time with their father.
I'm humbled by the situation. All I can do is trust God to provide for my family.
I'm still discouraged, depressed, and scared. I'm also not looking forward to having to work for my former employer.
The panic attacks? I haven't had one since Christmas Eve. I'm not sure what caused them, but I'm sure they'll be back unless I figure out the source.