Slowly

I'm not doing what I should be. I need to print out my plan, shop for the foods and start totally on plan. Right now I'm eating what I feel like, and we all know how poorly that works. So.. ???

I'm not doing the food shopping. Mom doesn't want to eat the same thing every day. That's how I do best. Make things boring. Make it so I know exactly what to eat for any meal. I need to find a way to really exercise again too. Swimming hasn't been a priority. We've had a few evening rainstorms, and I can't be in the pool when there's thunder and lightning. And the rain has dropped the pool temperature. It might not sound like much, but it makes it cold to swim.

Walks happen sometimes, but its not enough to get my blood pumping since I have to go at the boy's pace. 2 yo's don't run fast.

My plan, what there is of it is to go to the writing group I belong to and ask for help to get my writing income up. I'm hoping they can walk me through what I need to do. I have a modest goal. Not the six figure amount that's possible, but less than half the amount I'd need to make monthly for that type of income. I wouldn't mind working my way up to that amount.

With that amount, I could get us into a place so Justin can move down. I could go grocery shopping and get what I need to eat. I could either buy a treadmill or get a gym membership.

What else? Get to where I'm blogging every day. Get a real schedule again. Do what I can to get a job doing what I want to do. Oh wait, that's writing. I certainly don't want to get a job in manufacturing again. I'd rather get a job at home period.

I'm praying for contentment with what I have. Right now I'm jealous of what my sister has. Other than the weight that is. She and I are the same size. I'm going to lose the next 50 lbs so I can be healthy.

All I want is a place to live and to be able to pay my bills/clear my credit report. I'd also like to be able to save for retirement. Scratch that, I need to save for retirement. I don't expect social security to provide for anything in 20 years and I don't want to have to work like Mom does. A dear friend of mine is playing the lottery as his retirement plan. That's not a real plan but its more than I'm doing and I'm older than he is. Only by 4 years. He's 6 months older than Justin.

Anyway, getting ready for school. The girl needed a vaccine. Its done and its time to head out.

Home again, Home again

I'm focusing on my food again.  I'm exercising again every day, though I'm starting out small.  My parents have a pool, so I'm going out in the evening and swimming back and forth 4x.  I can barely do that.  I need to do more, but I'm going to have to work my way up there.  I haven't spent any time swimming in 8+ years, and I've almost forgotten how to do much other than just float. 

Meals are planned for the week.  Almost exactly how it was when I was on the Phase 5 meal plan.  That plus exercise should equal more weight loss.  Once I get paid for the writing I've been doing, I'll get myself another digital scale.  Or when I get paid for the 33+ hours of work I put in last week doing store merchandising.  All work on my feet.  I had some very long days, but I'll appreciate it once I get my check.

I'm in the middle of writing for Textbroker, but took a short break while trying to get the duckie boy to sleep.  He's out and I'm going to get a glass of water, then get back to writing.

Make healthy choices for yourself today, even if it's adding just a bit of extra movement and cutting out a second serving.  Laterness

Create in me something of beauty

So... Florida seems to be in the middle of... Something. Or maybe the guy at the temp agency is just thinking about how long I've been out of much other than what I was doing. The problem is, I hated my job. Overall it probably wasn't a bad job per se, but I found it to be blvery boring. Yea, the guy at the temp agency/placement agency said that the people most likely to hire me are other manufacturing companies. So, I took it hard. I'm going to have to do something because the whole situation has me mildly unhappy anyway.

Don't get me wrong, I love being around my family, but I miss Justin more than I could say (he's miserable as well, but part of that is just having his sister there). I also so wish I either had more say over how my 14 yo nephew acts, or I was in my own place. I can't really say much because my parents override me. They're the ones raising him, I just hate to see him walk all over them.

Food has only been okay, not stellar like I was doing. But all that is going to change. Mom and I are going to work on menus and hopefully I won't have any more 15 hour days restocking candy shelves. The candy wasn't appealing, but at hour 11 or so my blood sugar would do something so I'd feel unsteady on my feet. The pay will be nice tho, once I get it.

I need to find steady work, but peicemeal will work for the short term. I'm beginning to wonder if the mixed feelings and second thoughts were something telling me this was a bad idea. But if anything happens to either of my parents, my sister or myself would be the one to take care of them. Two of my brothers are losing their sight from the same hereditary/degenerative disease my stepdad has. The other brother and his wife live on the other side of this sprawl called a city.

I think I worked off the fried stuff I had for dinner on Tues. Yesterday I made better choices overall. I'm finding it much harder to control my food when I'm living with my parents. It will work out in time.

That's just the way it is

I'm still sad today, but not as bad as I was yesterday. I spent the day working for a merchandising company, and will be working for them the next 2 days. The hourly pay is about what I made at my job in Enid.

Tonight I do at least one article then I crash and crash hard. I'm exhausted. My legs and feet hurt.

Food has been on plan, or somewhat.

Breakfast was a burrito made with a soft taco size tortilla, 2 eggs and about 2 tbsp shredded cheese, and a banana. My coffee had coffee-mate and sweetener.

Lunch was baby carrots, a cucumber sandwich and an apple.

I've had only about 65 oz of water, so I'll need to drink more when I get home/to my parents. At least its still early.

I may need to swim tonight, we'll see if there's time. I'll have more time tomorrow, but not so much on Wednesday. On the other hand, I did a lot of moving today, I just didn't break a sweat. All in all a good day for my first day back at 1200 calories

The Pure Randomness in my Head

I made it to FL last Sunday - well technically Monday morning since it was almost 1 am after the kids and I spent the day with my Marine and his girl.  I've spent the week looking for a job and spending time with my kids and my family.  I'm more relaxed in one way, but I'm more stressed because I so need a job. 

I'm also wanting to cry all the time and wondering if I made a mistake.  I don't know what's up with me.  I know it's depression.  I just don't know what to do about it.  I am so tempted to go back to Enid, but that's not the answer.  Enid is a black hole, and if we go back, we won't get a chance to get out again.  Plus, if I go back, I'm going to have to go back to work at the place I left, though not necessarily in the same job.  They're doing away with benefits since the merger and I was very unhappy there.  So I need to hunt for a job down here and just hope that I can handle it all until Justin gets down here.

I'm also starting to remember that my family isn't as rosy as I was remembering when I was living a long ways away.  My sister and I will probably hang out a lot, and I'll spend time with my mother, but my stepdad is a cranky old man and my sister-in-law is always going to be difficult.  The whole family dynamic isn't the easiest no matter what family you're in.

Anyway, it's now several hours later and I really need to get to bed.  I'll get through this, and I'm focusing on my food starting tomorrow morning.  I didn't do badly tonight, but really need to work on my water again.

Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

A very long time ago, my Marine used to watch that...

I haven't gone missing so much as I've been very, very busy with the move.

I hope to be back to posting regularly soon with a renewed incentive to lose my last 50 lbs.