Wednesday, February 22

So the grandparents tried to say I need to postpone my trip to see my Marine because I'm sick. Only I can't because there's only a limited time he'll be on leave.

So I got extra sleep last night, and though I had an earache this morning, I'm feeling better. I'm also loading up on both C and D.

I'm not getting exercise today, at least not formal exercise. I've got too much work to do to take much of a lunch. I'm stressing out over this, but I'll get through it.

As a dear friend reminded me tonight, one day/step at a time. And right now, its time for bed. Laterness & g'night

Tuesday, February 21

I started writing this yesterday, but forgot to post it. Here goes.

I think my scales need a new battery. LOL stepped on them this morning and they showed 163.4 then flashed a bunch of horizontal lines like 'EEE' without the vertical lines.

I woke up with a humdinger of a sinus headache this morning. Plus I have a earaches on both sides. I've taken something, but my stomach isn't happy with it yer because I haven't eaten.

And of course, now that I've eaten, the headache still hasn't gone away.

Monday, February 20

I only managed 15 minutes on the treadmill today, but I forced myself to do intervals.  Water was on plan, and food was good too. 

The hardest part was staying away from the vending machine, but I did it except for the can of diet soda I had at lunch.  Yea, I know, it's bad for me.  The coffee had been gone and I needed the caffeine for the afternoon.

Anyway, the plan is to string together a week of these days.  Then two weeks, then ... well the same thing I did when I lost the first 50 lbs.  Only I know the last 50 are going to be more difficult to get off.  Especially until I get into my own place and can control my own meal menu.  I'm looking forward to my smoothies again.

Laterness & g'night.

Sunday, February 19

I think I'm going to change my weigh-ins to Monday morning.  It seems that's the day that goes more smoothly for me while we're living with hubby's grandparents.  Especially since we're doing a paper route again.

Food today wasn't too bad.  I have the same plan in place as last week... at least until my freezer-burned carrots are gone.  I gotta remember not to buy them at that particular grocery store next time. 

I've got my exercise clothes at work, and don't have an excuse as to why I don't go downstairs.

It's about 10 pm, and I'm seriously thinking it's bed time.  Not because I'm very tired, but just because.  Maybe I'll try to read a bit first, possibly upload some pictures to Snapfish and order them from Walgreens to give to my Marine when I see him on Friday.

I think that's all of my post for tonight.  I'm not depressed, just not much to say.  I so need to get back to writing, but I'm still taking that copywriting course.

Laterness & g'night.

Saturday, February 18

Today, I went in to work for about 4.5 hours.  Which is good, since I'll be missing a whole day on Friday.  I'm getting excited about that.

Well, kinda.  You see, my 20 year old is going to be deployed next month.  So he gets time off to visit family before he goes.  He decided to go to Florida and will be staying with my sister.

I'll get there 7 pm Friday and will leave at 7 am Sunday.  Short, short trip.  To visit someone that I miss more than I can say... but I'm his mom, and I need to let him grow up.  He's one of the few that gets my sense of humor, even my family doesn't.  But since I was a single mom, he became a mini-me in many ways.  Which drove his father crazy. 

I don't feel too bad about his father being upset about it... after all, I left because I was being abused.  In every way that you can think of.  Sexually, emotionally, verbally, physically... I'm still recovering, and I still have self-esteem issues from it.  Just some residuals that I'm working at giving away once and for all. 

I don't hate my ex though, it's not worth it.  I feel bad for him, and a part of me still cares about him and wishes him the best.  I also think he's a crappy father, but that's another story entirely.

Our son invited him to:
   His high school graduation - can't come, it's the same weekend as commencement at work (he works for the University of Vermont), and he can't get time off
    His boot camp graduation - can't come, something else is happening on campus and he can't get time off.

I had no money for the second, but got help from family and a very dear friend who I owe a lot to... and I made it there.

I'm going to miss my 20 year old while he's in the mid-east, and I'm sure I'm going to cry a whole lot while he's gone.  But I'm still proud of him, and will spend every day praying for him until he comes home.  I hope by then I'll be back in Florida permanently, so I can see him more often.  That's why I have to focus on the writing, where I know I can make the money.

Thursday, February 16

I've been told I think too much, and maybe I do.  Sometimes I think I don't think enough.  You may wonder why I say such a thing.  I realized today that I don't think enough about how my actions look to those around me.  I want to be an example of a good Christian.  I want to be someone that people say good things about.  And they do, sometimes.  Other times, I find out something that I wish I didn't know...

I've been trying to save emails from the person who quit at work.  But since she had so many emails, I was trying to delete the personal ones before I saved them all to disk.  I'm already on the 3rd CD, and I'm only about 2/3 of the way done.  So... though I wasn't trying to snoop, I ended up doing so to be sure that I got anything that might get someone else in trouble.

The person who quit... I considered her one of my closest friends.  Only, I found when deleting her personal emails that she didn't really think the same of me.  Or maybe it was just that she didn't like things I did.  She saw them in a different light than I did. 

It bothers me, but I'm not mad, just... sad.  I'm trying to figure out if it's something that I feel I need to change.  If I do, I'll change.  If not, well... I don't have any fewer friends than I did before I found all this out. 

One thing I do need to consider, she said I am/was lazy. I see parts of what she was talking about.  That and my attitude sometimes toward work.  It's something that I'm going to work on (pun not intended). 

Anyway, food was good today.  Lunch was a turkey sandwich with steamed carrots and spray butter.  Snack was a banana.  Water was almost a gallon, and breakfast was what I had planned as well.  Other than being sad, and not getting my walk in this afternoon like I had planned, all went well.

Laterness & g'night.

Wednesday, February 15

I'm slowly getting back in the swing if things at work. Now I just need to get the eating portion under control.

TOM is getting to me tonight, so headed to bed. I need to get back to eating more dairy to help with the cramps :(

Laterness & g'night.

Sunday, February 12

The plan had been to weigh in this morning to face the music, but events just didn't let that happen. My son insisted on me taking a bite of his breakfast, and I don't eat before I weigh. I'll weigh tomorrow moening, but I have a plan in place already. Exercise wear, a pkg of baby wipes, and healthy food to supplement what I'm bringing for lunch. The only thing I didn't get was yogurt.

Tomorrow is a funeral at church. The second death since the beginning of the year. The second time its been someone raising kids under 18. So sad...

Laterness & g'night.

Saturday, February 11

Good bye to Whitney Houston.  She may not have been much in the public eye lately, but her voice was something else.  R.I.P.

Figures, she died on an ex's 40th birthday.  LOL. 

I suspect my weight is going to be up tomorrow, and I have no one to blame but myself.  I've been wallowing in the stress instead of dealing with it in a smart way.  I've been eating things I shouldn't.  I haven't been exercising.  I haven't gotten enough water.  I'm feeling like crap, and there's a reason for it.

That said, it's all my fault.  No one else's.  I've seen people who use the excuse that their spouse is to blame.  Nope.  My husband isn't the one who pushed the food into my mouth.  Did he buy it if I asked, yes.  It's not his job to control my eating, it's mine.

That said, my goal is to buy a bit of food this weekend for the week at work.  I can get myself something for breakfasts.  I can get veggies to add to my lunches.  I will be getting gum to control my cravings.  I will be getting a gallon pitcher to put at my desk to be sure I drink enough water.  I will also be looking at exercise clothing somewhere so I can go down and workout on the treadmill.  We aren't supposed to wear jeans any more, and I can't really work out in dress slacks and heels. 

I'm thinking spray butter and bagel thins for breakfast.  A bit of peanut butter would give me some protein.  I'll have to check the calories, though if I can keep the amount of peanut butter down, it'd keep it around 200 calories for breakfast.  The spray butter would work well with steamed veggies for lunch too.  I'll be bringing sandwiches from home, but will need something else.  Maybe yogurt and bananas as well for a snack. 

I think that's what I'll do for the first week.  After that, I'll mix it up.  I'll get a different fruit for the morning snack, a different yogurt.  Maybe something different for breakfast.  I can't plan dinner, but I can keep that light.  And exercise at least 3 days this week.  Preferably at least 4.

Gotta get some sleep before I get lectured about needing to go to bed.  I keep reminding myself I'm lucky we have a place to live.

Sunday, February 5

It's been a long week.  I forgot how much that job takes out of me.  I started remembering a lot of things once I got started though.

Then, a friend & coworker of mine quit on Friday.  She had just had enough, and walked out.

I got offered her job, but put off answering until tomorrow because I was hoping it'd blow over.  She messaged me on Facebook this weekend, asking me to get her personal items and bring them to her or set up a time to meet her.  So it doesn't sound like she's going to go back.  I guess this means I have my old job back.

I have mixed feelings about it, but she's a big girl and can make her own decisions. 

Last week, my weight was up.  I think part of it was because I was blocked up.

This week, I'm down 2.6 lbs from last week, almost as low as my lowest the week before.  It's all good.  I'm doing better at watching what I eat, and I bought a bunch of food for my lunches since I'm generally stuck with what the husband's grandparents have in the house, and I'm not at all happy with those choices.

Anyway, spent much of the last hour going over a copywriting course I took since I found some major gaps in my knowledge of copywriting terms.  So now, I'm going to get some sleep.

Pray for me/wish me luck for tomorrow.  I go in and tell them I'll take the job.  At least it'll end up making more than I was before, and there are some changes that happened that will make it a bit easier to deal with.  Like the manager finally reached a point where she couldn't please the person above her, so she tried to quit.  She's still in the department, but no longer the manager. 

Laterness & g'night.