Sunday, January 1

It's been over a month since my last post.  Yea, big surprise.

The depression came back.  I've been having major panic attacks.  I've been working 2 jobs in the meantime, and trying to figure things out, while writing and spending time with my family any chance I get.

For the moment, I'm back in OK.  But, since I don't have a job, we are living with my husband's grandparents.  I barely touched lunch, trying to keep my portions in check, and they kept trying to give me more.  It's going to be a major struggle.  I was wanting to fast this year with the church, but don't know what to fast since I can't do the Daniel Fast in this situation.

I miss my family more than I can say, but am feeling like I made the right choice coming back to OK right now.  It was so hard to have my family separated like that.  It got to where the kids were asking for Daddy 20x a day.  I know that some told me to hang in there, that I'd find something after the beginning of the year, but it would have meant divorcing my husband in the process, or at least leaving him and remaining separated.

My husband would have had to stay in Enid for reasons I'd rather not go into.  Moving to FL was important to me, but not so much that I was willing to give up my marriage and the kids spending time with their father.

I'm humbled by the situation.  All I can do is trust God to provide for my family.

I'm still discouraged, depressed, and scared.  I'm also not looking forward to having to work for my former employer.

The panic attacks? I haven't had one since Christmas Eve.  I'm not sure what caused them, but I'm sure they'll be back unless I figure out the source.