May 13, Mother's Day

Food today wasn't bad.  After yesterday, I ate the amount I'm supposed to be eating every day.  Yet, I didn't get enough water, and I had 3 mini tootsie rolls and a Godiva Gem.  I need to skip the chocolate/candy.

I spent the day in a funk.  Part of my problem is probably that I haven't had the B vitamins or D or anything lately.  Plus, I need some C, and I haven't had anything with that lately.  I've got sores on the inside of my mouth, and I know they'd go away with a bit of Vitamin C.  I'll have a glass of juice with my breakfast. 

I'm missing my Marine. Which is odd, since I didn't always hear from him very often when he was stateside.  I'm wishing we were in our own place, I'm wanting this and that and just wanting to be very material lately.  I want to have a nice house, I want a car that isn't always having problems.

And I'm struggling with these wants, since part of me wonders if they're at odds with what the bible tells us.

Now that I'm full time with the employer, I'm tempted to go to the clinic and get on anti-depressant meds and see if I can get back on thyroid medication as well.

Then it seems like too much bother.  I know this hole, and I know I need to do something. 

I think right now, the something I do is go to bed and cry.  It's just too much to deal with tonight.  I'm honestly missing my family so much, and ... things are going better here, but not enough better, and we can't find a place to live in our price range.  So I started looking at modular homes, since there's some lots for sale at a trailer park, but the modular homes I looked at were more than we can afford.

I'll be better tomorrow, I know this.  It's just hard right now, we've got money saved, but not enough.  Our taxes still aren't back.  Even when they are, it's not going to be enough to pay for a place, obviously, so we're going to have to find financing.  Hubby is going to go to a place that sells trailers.  The lots said owner financing, so if we can swing it, it'll probably be that at first.  BUT I'm going to be putting every cent I can into savings and try to get my credit cleared off so we can get into something other than a trailer.  In OK, that's one of those places you don't really want to live.  Not with the wind that goes in circles :P

Anyway, I'm going to get some sleep.  I've talked to hubby since I started this, and I'm feeling a bit better.  I think I'm just letting it get to me that I wasn't spoiled either today or on my birthday.  I want one of those days to be special, and I never tell anyone how I feel, so then I end up disappointed when I don't get what I want.  I have no right to be upset if I don't tell anyone, do I?

Laterness & g'night.