April 30, Tornadoes and the Thunder

First - congratz, OKC Thunder, on your win :)

Second - I frelling hate tornadoes and storms, but don't tell my sister, she hates them more. Right now, I have to be in OK to keep my family together, so that is that.

Third - food and water were good today. However, I only got 2770 steps or thereabouts. I put the pedometer on later in the morning, so maybe 3000 total. I'm aiming higher tomorrow. At least 5000.

Fourth - I really need to change something about my weigh-in. Weight yesterday, 204.8 (down 0.6 lbs) weight this morning 202.8 lbs. I didn't lose 2 lbs in a day, so need to figure out the best time/day to weigh and stick with it.

Laterness & g'night.

April 29, Sunday

I'm having computer problems tonight. Its just been one of those days.

My weight was only down 0.6 lbs this week. Better than a gain, but not enough... Unless it keeps up. I'll settle for a slow loss as long as it stays gone this time.

We've had family down from KC this weekend. That's part of why I've been so scarce. Well, that and I'm discouraged about finding a new home. Hubby got a promotion at work, so that's the next step.

Laterness & g'night

April 28, Saturday

Its been 2 days since I posted, but I'm here.

Thursday food was awful and no exercise. Water was about 100 oz, but that's the only thing I did right.

Friday, food was good, I spent the day at the zoo, so got lots of exercise. Water was only about 90 oz.

Today, food was okay, not great. Water is only 80 oz, and no exercise.

I'm neing consistant, but not the way I want. Once hubby gets home, I'm going to get one of the little notebooks out of the trunk and start tracking food better.

And I started this post, but forgot to submit it. Be back later today (Sunday).

April 25, Wednesday

I'm tired, so no snappy title tonight.  I'm headed to bed. Let's see,

1. food was actually good today, I wanted something sweet, but didn't get it.  Instead I added some MIO sweet tea to my water.
2. I did the NEWO workout at lunch, then came back and read
3. PLUS a 15 minute walk around the block with my coworkers
4. Water over 120 oz.

I'm hurting a bit tonight, I think I overdid yesterday.  I'll be fine, but I may have to force myself to actually get my intervals tomorrow. I'll probably definitely keep it off the incline, my thighs are bothering me still.

Laterness & g'night.

April 24, Gaining Focus

I only dozed from about 3 am until my alarm went off at 6 this morning.  My head hurt so bad, but I didn't want to wake all the way up and put the effort into getting water, finding the ibuprofen and actually taking something.  So now I'm exhausted again.

Food... well, let's just say I found a new trail mix today that I can never buy again :( unless I figure out how to control my portions better.

However,

1. About 128 oz of water
2. 13 minutes of walking around the block with my coworkers PLUS
3. 17 minutes of walking on the treadmill - with 3 of those minutes being a jog at 4.5 mph and most of the time being a walk at 3.4 mph. total 1 mile
4. PLUS 6 sets of stairs because they're closing what used to be the corporate office before the merger, and everyone is moving into our building.

My legs were wobbly this afternoon.  Which only encouraged me to dip into the trail mix more.  It might have just been nuts and a bit of chocolate, but it was still too many calories for the day.

My goal tomorrow is to do at least the walk with my coworkers plus 5 minutes on the treadmill and 15 push-ups, crunches, lunges and superman lifts (or whatever you call them). - also called a 'No Excuses Work Out.'  Which I won't have... an excuse, that is.

 I'm going to finish doing the exercise I'm working on for my writing class, then head to bed.  It's already late.

Laterness & g'night.

April 23, Workin' 9 to 5

I accepted my job offer today.  There's gotta be a reason in there somewhere.  As long as I have work, I am going to be happy if I have to force myself into it lol.

My eyes are closing tonight.  I was talking to my Marine, and he started pausing more and more between responses.  It's daytime there, so I'm sure there's stuff going on.  At least I was able to hear from him, my heart is happy for a bit.  Or at least happier :)

let's see, food was actually decent today, so I'm going to say:

1. Food on plan
2. over 100 oz of water
3. a 10 - 15 minute walk

I can't keep my eyes open, so I'm headed to bed. Laterness & g'night.

April 22, Earth Day

Food wasn't so good today, and I'm paying for it now.

I'm also thinking that I need to figure out a different weigh-in day.  My weight on Thursday was 204 lbs.  Today it was 205.2 lbs.  There's no way I ate so much that I gained a lb between then and now. 

I'm embarrassed to say that I gained so much weight.  This week, I'm going to bring clothes to exercise in the basement every day this week.  I have to do something.

I didn't actually get any of my goals today.  Food wasn't great, because I let my weigh-in control my mood.  Water, well... when we're around the house, I hate drinking a lot of water, because his grandparents have complained about the amount of toilet paper we go through.  It's not like we use a lot at one time, but with 4 more people, and me drinking a lot of water, we are going to go through more than when the 2 of them lived here alone.

Exercise... I cleaned the bathroom, including mopping the floor on my hands and knees.  That took most of the afternoon, so I didn't get a chance to go out for a walk today.

A three time failure.  I have a plan for tomorrow, though I haven't figured out breakfast since we're almost out of anything other than sugar cereal.  I guess I'm just going to measure out 2 tbsp of peanut butter and put it on 1 slice of bread.  Unless I can talk the hubby into cooking me some eggs.

Anyway, it's getting late, and I have a bit of homework to do before bed.  Laterness & g'night.

April 21, Sun and Shade

Today was spent out in the sunshine, and I'm tired.  More than tired, ready for bed.

Church had a 'bike-a-thon' where I helped keep track of how many times the kids went around, while my kids played on the playground.  One of the other parents helped the girl ride around a few times, she's never done it without training wheels, and she didn't do that well at it.

Then we went to a BBQ downtown, more of a fundraiser, city-wide celebration.  Not only was there pulled pork sandwiches, but there were booths inside, and several inflatable playhouses outside.  One of the booths was Blue Star Mothers, and I signed my Marine up for a package from them, and I talked to them about coming by when they put the packages together this Thursday.  It was nice to talk to someone who has been there.  The only other one I know who has had kids in the Middle East is one of the women at work.

I got plenty of fresh air and exercise today.  I bought some shoes that I'm leaning toward returning as well. 

Now for yesterday... I'm still emotional about it, so bear with me. 

I got an email that I was going to have a meeting in my manager's office at 2.  The meeting was with the HR person for our building, and my manager was honest about it being a job offer.

Great.

When all was said and done, I wasn't offered the job I applied for, that I've done for the last 4 years.  Instead, I was offered a different job, they're 'expanding' the department. 

The job I have been doing, I'm not 'qualified' to do.  I don't have a little piece of paper from a college.  I may have a high IQ, I may have a photographic memory, but I don't have a degree, and don't live in Cincinnati, so I'm not qualified.  I am qualified to train the nutritionist they hired straight out of college, who has absolutely no experience in the food industry except what is learned in college.  She's supposed to learn everything in 2 weeks.  This is going to be a huge mess.  I just hope the company will continue to be able to process school foods after all is said and done.  It'll be worse if they mess up so bad that gets pulled, but my manager has tried to tell them they're making a mistake, and they're positive they're right, so it's out of our hands.

Hurt doesn't even begin to explain how I felt when I realized what had happened. My coworkers were urging me to apply for other companies, especially one that's moving to Oklahoma City this summer.  Never mind that I don't want to move to the city, or even near the city.

Then I got back to my desk, and got a call that I was declined for the mortgage that I applied for.  Yea, wonderful day.

Anyway, now that's out.  Food today wasn't bad, but was about 200 calories over, so I'm going to say no.

On the other hand

1. Water over 3 liters
2. exercise galore, running around, back and forth and everything

 I'm tired from everything and am going to bed early tonight.

Laterness & g'night.

April 20, Who Knows

Long day, and a lot happening that I'm not going to go into because it's so late.  I'll post it tomorrow.

1. Water ~3 liters
2. walk - 10 minutes or so not great
3. food - too much at lunch, but little at dinner, so i made up for it.

and I stayed away from the chocolate when I was upset at work.  I even had someone suggesting we get chocolate...

Anyway, it's late, I need to sleep and let the emotions calm down.

Laterness & g'night.

April 19, sleep

I fell asleep tonight when cleaning out my emails, so I'm headed to bed.

1) More than 3 liters of water
2) 15 minutes on the treadmill @ 3.3 mph
3) Food was good.

All in all, not a bad day, but staying on track was tough.

Laterness & g'night

April 18, Finding a Voice

Tonight I wrote my first article in 3 months.  I think I did okay, it was for someone who likes my work anyway.  So I found my voice again.  Hubby read what I wrote yesterday and started in on me as to why I let the writing go like I did. 

Tonight, he went in for 6:15, he'll do the same tomorrow.  Looks like he's getting more hours, so I'm not going to feel so bad about him giving up the paper route we took for a supplement to his income. 

I wore jeans to work, only to find out the VP of our department was going to be in.  Since we weren't sure if she was there for my 'face to face' interview, I called and had hubby bring me a pair of slacks and dress shoes.  Of course, he brought my heels, so my feet are killing me tonight.  I also skipped walking today because of everything going on.  I shouldn't have skipped it though.  Tomorrow I'll make up for it.

Turns out, she wasn't there for a 'face to face' interview.  Supposedly she was there to get everything together to offer me a job.  Only nothing was mentioned for that either.  It's getting frustrating.  Two companies interviewed me, one it's been more than a month since they said they were going to do a background check then offer me a job.  The other, just doesn't even get that far. 

Anyway, status for today:

1. 3 liters of water
2. food on plan (yay! it was hard today, I had to keep myself from getting food from the vending machine because I was so stressed over the job offer/no job offer thing)

Otherwise, one day at a time.

Laterness & g'night.

April 17, Roaring Like a Lion

I know I use my own method of capitalization for the post titles.  It matches everything else I do - all my own way.

Except one thing, I realized tonight.  I had said something when I got back here about being able to supplement our income with writing, and the grandmother shot it down.  So I haven't written much since.

This from the one who said that not writing would feel like I was losing part of myself. 

Guess that explains a lot of my attitude lately.  I'm working on fixing it.

What I did right today:

1. went for a 15 minute walk
2. drank 3 liters of water (100 oz)

Food was out of control again today, but I'm going to focus on it tomorrow.

Laterness & g'night

April 16, the Inner Monologue

Today my inner monologue has been going strong on things I can't control.  I really need to learn to redirect my thoughts when I get like that, because I can obsess, as many of my OOT friends know.  When I start obsessing, I tend toward depression, which is why I get so down all the time. 

The question remains, how do you learn to redirect your inner monologue?

We have almost enough saved for deposit on a place, if we can find one.  The other person who wants to buy the house we're looking at is more likely to be able to get the funding, and he wants to rent it out, so we may be able to live there anyway.  Depending on what he wants to charge for rent.  I can foresee it being twice the cost of the mortgage, which doesn't sound bad until you look at income vs. expenses. 

It all boils down to money, and lack of money.  I really need to focus on doing more about earning more.

Let's see, two outta 3 ain't bad, but it really could be better.  Food wasn't awful today, just about 200 calories more than I should have.  I was fine until dinner, I should have cut the meat portion in half.

otherwise:

1. over 3 liters of water
2. a 15 minute walk (and a Herbalife tea that's supposed to help burn 100 calories lol - I don't know that I believe it, but I like the taste, and someone else was treating)

I really need to do a bit of studying before bed.  Laterness & g'night.

April 15, Death and Taxes

I wasn't going to go to church/small groups tonight because I thought the girl had testing tomorrow.  My hubby convinced me she'd run off her energy better there than if I tried to get her to run it off at home.

The message was one I needed to hear, so it was good I went.  I guess my problem was the one who wants to keep us from our full potential.

Anyway, food today was soso, water was good, and no exercise.

Blah, I need to do better tomorrow.  Tonight I'm ready for sleep.  I've cried bunches today, letting go of things I've needed to let go of and hearing things I've needed to know.

And above all, worried for my Marine.  It's taking a toll on me for sure.

Laterness & g'night.

April 14, Live Forever

I've been reading something on the Guideposts website tonight, and it has me going.  It's by Ray Bradbury of all people, and it talks about how we live forever through doing what we're meant to do.  That subject ties into something that someone posted on Facebook the other day (someone that works at what I want to do for a living).  What would it mean to me if I never wrote?  I answered and talked about how I'd feel that I had been silenced because it's only through writing that I truly am able to voice how I feel about things.  My answer was more complex than that, but it made me realize that I have to write.  Even when I try not to, I find myself writing something, in email if no where else.

For today, I'm a bit low on water, but I did get some walking in (nothing formal like I had been doing during the week).

1. Water at 80 oz
2. Food on plan
3. Some walking, parked on the other side of the parking lot and walked to Hobby Lobby for my yarn.

There were storms in the air all day, so I didn't do much of anything really.  I took my girl shopping, her 7th birthday was Monday and she got gift cards for her birthday from my family and hubby's grandparents.  We managed to keep the total to only about $5 over the gift cards, but she cried that we had to put stuff back.  My girl is going to be a shopper, so I'm trying to come up with a plan for back to school shopping.  Something about bringing a calculator, and working on adding the prices with her.

I'm going to read and crochet a bit, then get to bed.  Laterness & g'night.

Friday the 13th

It's late and I'm tired, but I need to at least post my progress for the day.

1. water at 3 liters
2. 25 minutes of walking (to get my check, to cash my check, to the restaurant for lunch  

Food, well I blew it again.  I stressed out over work, and not being able to find some important papers, and I turned to chocolate.  I'll do better tomorrow.  At least I tried to minimize the damage.

Tonight, I'm exhausted.  It's time for bed.

Laterness & g'night.

April 12, Thursday

First off, What I Did Right Today (aka being DIRTy for my OOT friends)

1.  Water over 3 liters
2. 10 minute walk
3. Food actually on plan

Otherwise, it's been a day and a week.  I'm exhausted and have a ton of research to do.  I need to find a way to get financing to buy a house.  And my credit is in the drain.

Thinking I might go to bed early.  The book isn't open on my computer tonight, and I'm not prepared to open it, not tonight.  I've got some stuff to do.

I've also got some short stories running around in my head, and I need to get them on paper soon.

Laterness & g'night.

April 11, Wednesday Pt 2

After saying I was going to bed soon, I started reading Transformation Road again. I couldn't put the book down (or rather my laptop since I have it on Kindle for PC).

I couldn't put it down until he started getting into some of the reasons... Talking about feeling like a failure and being harder on himself than anyone else... Yea that sounds familiar - and more. I started to shake as I was reading it and decided it was enough for now.

It sounds like I am going to have to do some of the mental work I didn't do last year when I lost my first 50 lbs. Yes, weight loss is calories in/calories out, or simply eat less and exercise more. Simple it is, easy its not.

Maybe its time for my own steel curtain zone - or calorie bank and trust. I'm working on it, and am getting where I need to be. I will do it and start losing again by my birthday.

April 11, Wednesday

Thank goodness it's hump day.  I so need this week to go away.  It's just been really hard.  Today was awful.  We have an issue that's coming up, and every suggestion I made, the boss shot down.  She didn't even read what we were told about the government agency we deal with.  It was kinda funny actually.  BUT whatever.

Still no word on whether I actually have a job or not.  With some prompting from my sister, I'm going to go against the comfortable and call the other job I interviewed for.  I haven't heard anything, and they called me in to do a background check over a month ago.

What I did right today:

1. 3 liters of water

Food was much better today.  I didn't do a walk, but will do so tomorrow.  Today I was just too stressed, so instead I ate in the break room and read.  Not relaxing enough.  Walking is much better.

Still reading Transformation Road as well, but probably not for much longer tonight.  I'm exhausted, there was a thunderstorm last night, about 4:30 am or so.  Both kids came running into the bedroom complaining they were scared.

Laterness & g'night.

April 10, Tuesday

What I did right today:

1. 15 minute walk on the treadmill @ 3.2 mph
2. more than 3 liters of plain water

Food was closer to right today.  Everything was on plan until dinner, and even that I kept the portions controlled.  Strictly controlled.

Overall, I'd say this was a decent day.  I need to start journaling my food so I can put it in SparkPeople or something.   It'd be nice if I had a phone that I could download an app to do it, but ... right now my Blackberry won't handle it. 

I do have blank books I can use to journal.  I got a bunch of them on clearance when I worked for Michael's.  Clearance and I think I might have gotten my discount on top of that.  It was right around Christmas and they had some really good deals where I got my discount on everything, including sale prices.

Started reading Transformation Road by Sean Anderson.  It's given me food for thought, and I'm only on chapter 5.  It also reminded me of a lot I didn't deal with in school.  Bullying is hard to deal with, especially when someone slams your fingers in your locker.

One of these days I'll journal that too.  Probably not on my blog, it'd be boring.  Like this isn't ;)

Laterness & g'night.

April 9, Monday

Probably not going to be up much longer.  I'm just not feeling it tonight.

Food was great, right up until dinner.  We had birthday cake for my girl and I lost control.  I ate two pieces.  Ugh, I feel sick just thinking about it.

I guess I'm just going to go take a melatonin pill, read for a bit then get some sleep.  My brain has been fuzzy, and I can't figure out why it's so hard to concentrate.  Maybe I truly just need more sleep.  I've gone for years on 7 hours, until I started the paper route in 2009.  Maybe the paper route messed up my sleep needs.  Who knows.

Water was great at least.  I didn't get the treadmill, for a stupid reason.  I forgot to bring a change of clothes. 

Anyway, not sure what to do about the fuzzy thoughts. I'm trying more sleep.  Less stress just isn't going to happen.

No word from my Marine, and it's been 2 weeks.  Blah

Laterness & g'night.

April 8, Sunday

So I've noticed something.  I haven't wanted to go to sleep lately.  Ever since my son, my Marine messaged me that he was leaving on patrol.  I don't know why I can't seem to trust that if something happens I'll hear about it. 

With the lack of sleep comes depression.  Not the minor 'I'm sad' type feeling.  The full-blown 'I can barely focus and really don't have any energy to do anything except read' type feeling.  Only I've been working for 2 months and I'm no closer to having a job.  I've done 2 interviews with 2 different companies (for a total of 4 interviews) and haven't heard anything about either of the jobs.  And the temp agency doesn't offer insurance.

I've been taking Sam-E, and a Super B Complex.  Things that have helped in the past.  Instead, I'm exhausted all the time.  I live on coffee at work and can still barely focus.

I got really snappish today.  I've had so many times of being told what to do because I don't do things like everyone else does, or hearing the grandparents fight in the other room, knowing what stress it's putting on them for us to live here.

I know this is just because of how I react to negativity, but it's not making it any easier.

When I said something to the grandmother about having trouble focusing, her response was to go to bed earlier.  That's her answer to pretty much anything I say about not feeling well.  Except I only really need 7 hours of sleep normally.  The nightmares are stealing my sleep.

I'm going to try for adding real exercise tomorrow, though I did get a half hour walk in today.  It was the only way to bring balance back.  I stopped, grabbed a tree branch hanging down on the road, and just felt something running from the tree through my feet to the ground.  It could just have been my blood pumping too. 

I watched what I ate today, other than coffee with sugar in it since I couldn't get sugar free where I was.  Tomorrow will start with the exercise.  Even if it means setting the speed to 3 and walking the whole time, I'm heading for 20 minutes on the treadmill.

It's getting toward 10 and I still need to take out my contacts and take a melatonin pill and read for a few minutes.  Laterness & g'night.

April 2, Monday

I think the days are going to get very long, especially if I get this job. When I was asked in, it was because someone was taking medical leave. That person is back, and I'm not sure if she's upset - she's friends with the person who quit. Whatever, I'll get through it.

Its now Tuesday, I'm going to hit send and then write my update for today.