Food hasn't been so good this week. Between the wake and this being my last week at work its been hectic.
I'll get myself back on track starting Saturday. Until then I'm closely monitoring the amounts I'm eating I'm just not watching what I'm eating quite as much as I should. My weight this morning was 193.8, so not too bad all things considered.
The girl's last t-ball game is tonight, then I have to write my last 2 articles after the kids are in bed.
The boy and I got to the grandparents house not long after the ambulance left. Justins grandmother had a heart attack. I picked the girl up from her game and went home. As I got home, Justin called me. His grandmother never came out of it.
Food has been okay. I skipped exercise at lunch and I'm regretting it. I'll be okay, my shoulders are hurting and I want to sleep.
And who is this one by, kids?
If you guessed Smashing Pumpkins, you were right. Let's hear it for 90's grunge LOL I remember when this song came out, the local radio station morning dj's were saying you could hear them saying tuna fish in the song. Of course, now every time I hear the song I think of the morning show on 95.5 aka '95 Triple-X'.
Food is on plan today. I took a day off exercise. Water is a bit loght compared to where I normally am at this time of day, but I'll still get a gallon today.
T-ball game tonight, I get to bring the boy because Justin has to be at work at 7:15.
I'm setting a new goal. Its 30 lbs away - my high school weight - coincidentally my pre-pregnancy weight for my first pregnancy. This is going to be harder on me than the last 50 lbs and not just because I'm lighter.
I'm an emotional eater. I think that's obvious by now. If I remember right from eDiets and Dr Sklare's (please excuse me if I'm spelling his name wrong, I can't look it up right now) Emotional Support Center boards, I'll go through some of the same emotions I was shoving down with food as I reach the same weight I was when I first avoided the emotions.
Which means I will go through a lot of emotional pain in the next few months. Maybe additional emotional pain since I still have frequent battles with depression. Yes, I do know the difference between depression and normal sadness. I've felt both.
My slip yesterday has me wanting sugar and chocolate or chocolate flavored sugar. Something sweet at least. I'm sucking on a cinnamon Altoid to try to forget about it. At 10 calories for 3 they're almost as good as gum for staving off cravings. Especially since I'm out of gum right now.
Of course the sugar crash has me feeling depressed again. I hope I can burn this off quickly with the treadmill at lunch. Or I can just keep listening to country and wallow in my own misery for a bit :P
Food is on plan today. Much better than yesterday. I'll get through this and move on...
I have so much to do both at work and at home. I started to stress eat but stopped myself. Now I'm trying to remember how much I have ready for the move. This weekend will be time to make more of a dent in the stuff I'm getting rid of.
Other than the slip, I'm on plan. Food has been exactly the same as yesterday, but that makes it easy to know how many calories I've had. Well... Other than the slip I started on. I'll just have to adjust the calories for the rest of the day to stay under 1200.
Otherwise its a day of rest, tho the girl has a t-ball game tonight.
Today is going too quickly. I looked up and it was 12:50. I hadn't been hungry so didn't eat lunch or morning snack. I did get up and do 21 minutes of intervals. Well, 11 minutes plus 5 minutes each warm-up and cool-down. Note, smoking and jogging really don't go together LOL I could feel how tight my chest is from smoking. Just 2 more weeks and I quit cold turkey. If I don't before then from not being able to breathe.
I've had lunch and it was a homemade bean burrito. I figure a bit over 300 calories for it. I'll have to put it into Spark. Breakfast was egg beaters on a 100 calorie multi grain English muffin. Snack will be a strawberry smoothie. Just frozen strawberries and milk.
So back where I should be. I may switch to swimming when I get to FL.
Been thinking about my Marine again and decided I'm going to send a care package to someone who is deployed. I got an address from the AnySoldier.com website. I chose a Marine platoon to send to. I won't be able to send a lot until I can coupon more, but it'll be a start. Maybe I can manage 2 packages...
Food is mostly on plan, though I suspect I'm over where I like to be on calories at this time of day. I'll figure it out tonight when I get home. No walking but I'm feeling better. Now I just need to start exercising again - I got out of the habit when I started Phase 6.
Its all good, it just means giving up my plan to go to Branson this year. I can do it next year by doing what I'm doing now - putting all change except quarters in a plastic jug.
I really don't feel like eating today. I know it's partially depression, and I'll get through it. I think going to bed early would be a good idea as well.
Breakfast egg substitute on a 100 calorie English muffin. Lunch - a grilled chicken sandwich with tomato - I only ate about 3/4 of the bun - and an apple.
Now if I could just stop yawning.
This move isn't going to be easy but its not impossible. I have been praying for direction because it seemed like it wasn't meant to happen, then I found an article on preparing to leave your job, and I realized that it gets better and I have writing options open that I can take full advantage of.
Of course that's going to mean I have to fight my procrastination and perfectionism and actually do what I'm supposed to be doing.
I feel like I've emotionally done a 180 since last night when I was positive we weren't going to be able to move. Its something we have to do, so one thing at a time. Bags of clothes go to the YWCA shelter, so do the pot holders I crocheted for who knows what reason. I need to get my shredder out tonight and start making a dent in my old statements and file the stuff we keep. Fun. First, the community outreach with my church and then a t-ball game. More fun-ness tonight :)
But we're still working on the move. My sister has my resume. We may have found a place for Justin to stay until we find a place for us to live.
Food is on plan. Its good there wasn't anything at home for me to binge on yesterday when I was dealing with everything.
Today breakfast was an egg sandwich (using a 100 calorie multi grain English muffin). Lunch was leftovers from last night - throw a boneless chicken breast in the crock pot with salsa and let it cook all day. Serve on tortillas with cheese and sour cream if desired. I skip the sour cream but add cheese.
Not sure about dinner tonight. I'll play it by ear.
Some Kenny Rogers this morning, I grew up listening to him, my babysitter/best friend's mom used to play a tape with his Greatest Hits. Of course, this was the 70's so its an old tape.
I'm freaking a bit again today. I have so much to do and so little time to do it. Plus I hate confrontation and my boss is going to be very unhappy with me when I give my notice.
I've got way too much to do and just need to do it.
Breakfast and lunch on plan. Mid-morning snack was a strawberry smoothie. All good.
It really has been a long week. Wednesday we had a town hall meeting from 11:30 to 12:30 at work. Of course we didn't really learn anything new.
Yesterday was the biweekly department conference call at from 12:30 to 2. I didn't get a chance to walk either day. I didn't really even get much of a lunch break.
Food has been on plan. Its just been a long week and I feel like I could have done better because of the lack of exercise. I went down to use the elliptical this morning but only did 5 minutes.
I'm walking to the library at lunch because I'm antsy. I don't want the pumpkin soup I brought for lunch and I don't feel we can afford for me to eat out right now. Its a matter of what's important. I have food. The move is important. That's that. Unfortunately, I already know Justin doesn't see it that way so I need to focus on writing this weekend.
Some days I wish I had married someone who handled money better. I guess I have to settle for marrying someone who adores me and I get to be the breadwinner. So my next task is to find a way to increase my income so money isn't so tight. I'm not sure how much we can cut out other than the $30 we pay for digital cable. Something to figure out. Even an extra $50 a month would be some savings.
Anyway enough about budgeting and money. I'll figure it out eventually. It's time to heat up my soup and be calm for awhile.
I woke up at 5 am and couldn't get comfortable. I was awake for about an hour, spending about 15 minutes sitting in the recliner in the living room. At around 6 I went back to bed. I felt sick the entire time. I still can't figure out if my problem is stress or I'm actually sick. I've felt ill all day so far but I have to work, so I'm just going to have to get over it.
I spent some time last night talking to someone I knew when I was growing up. I used to babysit her son, who is also on my friends list on Facebook. He has cystic fibrosis. When he was 11, his lungs collapsed from the crud that had built up. He's in the hospital for what he calls a 'tune up.' Basically, every other month when he starts losing weight too fast he goes into the hospital for blood work and to have his lungs cleared out. He has lived past the life expectancy that I heard when I first started watching him 24 years ago, but life expectancy for CF patients is now in the 30's. He is a fighter, and I fully expect him to live into his 30's. And there's no telling what advances will be made in the next 5 years, so it may be even longer.
Food is okay so far. I need to put it all into Spark but I should be around 600 calories.
That person who calls herself a manager is lying and doesn't have the fucking balls to stand up for us. I'm so fucking sick of telling her how swamped we are only to be told some bullshit excuse that it'll get better. Its never going to get better until they realize they can't treat their employees like shit and expect morale to stay up. Instead of doing anything logical they're buying more companies. That's fucking insane bullshit. We get more fucking swamped when they give us drop everything projects to help with the original merger but the only ones who get any fucking credit are my manager and supervisor. Really puts it into perspective perspective how important the rest of us are.
Please excuse me while I go cry anyway.
I do love listening to Barenaked Ladies :D
Yesterday I didn't go on the treadmill or elliptical. I did walk to the library at my first break and took another 10 minute walk at my 2nd break. Total calories for the day: 1259
Justin played a joke on me this morning that really wasn't funny. I made a sandwich for my breakfast - a 100 calorie multigrain English muffin and about 1/2 cup of egg substitute. I left it on the counter while I put in my contacts and put my hair up. When I came back the sandwich was 90% gone and he said it was really good. I started to get emotional then decided I'd just have oatmeal since I used up the last of the muffins and eggs to make that sandwich. I asked him to move from in front of the microwave so I could make oatmeal and he laughtd and pulled the rest of the sandwich out of where he hid it.
That was NOT funny, but it was normal behavior for him when he's rested. Guess I'd better get used to it, I had forgotten after 2 years of newspaper delivery and 3 years of night shift before that. I'm more used to him sleeping constantly.
Already got in one 10 minute walk. This afternoon's snack is yogurt with granola. Weight this morning was 198, I wasn't as careful this weekend as I should have been, but my weight is going in the right direction again. I know I haven't been eating enough to actually gain, but as I said as long as it goes down I'll be happy. Probably no treadmill at lunch. Justin is bringing me a 6" Subway sub. One of the healthy choice ones, but not veggie. He'll probably stay with both kids so we can eat together.
Ok everything is in Spark and I'll have to have a snack this afternoon. I put down graham cracker & peanut butter, even so before I go home I'll only be at around 650 calories.
Work has been interesting today, definitely not ordinary. For the first time in awhile, I'm having to work closely with one of the programmers to try to get the system to work the way we want it to. He keeps needing me to show what I'm talking about instead of just walking through it in email. He did ask if I've been recently drug tested when I was trying to explain something but I just laughed at him.
There's a t-ball game tonight, so I'm going to try to exercise before the game. I just didn't want to during lunch today.
The plan is to do 25 minutes on the elliptical at lunch instead of the treadmill to shake things up a bit. I'm going to go for a 10 minute walk as soon as the meeting is done, and I'll do another walk around 3:30.
I decided on only 1 or 2 posts today so just saved the message. Now my walk is done, but I'm not sure how long I'll be able to walk outside. It's only 83 and I overheated. It'll be too hot when the 100 degree days start.
I came to work with a headache this morning and the stuff I took isn't helping. I can't take more because it says once every 6 hours. I took a Goody's powder which has the same ingredients as Excedrin. Hopefully the headache goes away, otherwise its going to suck being at work til 5:30. Blah :(
