Day 65 - Phase 5 Day 22

Food, okay. Stress, not okay.  I guess you can't win them all :P work stress is eating me alive, but I'm not eating due to it. 

I did sort out what I'm doing tomorrow... They're ordering pizza for lunch, I was thinking that I was going to eat the menu plan day with cheese pizza, but I honestly don't care for the pizza they're ordering (it's sold in the convenience stores around here, I think it's Hunt Brothers or something like that).  I think I'm just going to find which day I want, most likely one of the low carb ones since I now have whole wheat English muffins.  Dinner will be an order of steamed broccoli with nothing on it except for salt.  I want to say I'll drink diet soda, but then I'll be up all night, so I'll have to figure out what I want to do.  After I get home, I'll have whatever is actually on my dinner plan minus the veggie.  Though I really was half looking forward to a peach smoothie, so I'm waffling a bit.  I'll decide for sure tomorrow, but it's all good.  I'll either eat 1/4 of a 12" cheese pizza or I'll have my own food.  I'll definitely bring salad with dressing and the appropriate snacks for that day.  Dinner is going to either be iceburg lettuce or steamed broccoli.  I'm really leaning more toward the lettuce since it's almost 0 calories and I can be sure there's nothing on it.  Maybe I just need to choose another day with peach for a snack and forget about the pizza.  If I have to, I'll eat before I go...

It's late and I'm tired.  I'm going to bed and I'll make my final decision in the morning.  Allan was right, though.  I don't have to have anything.  My boss noticed my weight loss (she's been gone for 2 weeks) and she understood fully when I said I don't want to ruin it by eating off plan.  Laterness and g'night.

Day 65

A small sample of what I'm avoiding today - enchiladas, 7 layer dip, pineapple mango salsa, taco fixin's, carrot cake, nobake cookies...

I brought lunch for day 2. I'll live. I'm not crazy about much of it anyway... The little smokies and enchiladas and carrot cake are the hardest. But I'm not hungry. Water and more water.

Sunday Evening - Phase 5 Day 21

Day 2 food today, but I didn't get groceries, so I'll have to order my apple from the cafeteria.  I want to do day 2 again tomorrow (my go-to day) because we have a pot luck.  I'll bring salad stuff and have as close an approximation to my dinner salad as I can.  I'll have a measuring spoon at work for the salad dressing.  It's going to be a very tricky week.  I need to get more salads made up since we'll be eating out or catering in a lot.  I want to keep up the loss, though I don't expect another 4 lb loss next week.  I will do what I can and alternate the 2 low-carb days with the the rest of the days.  It'll be tricky, but I can always snack on iceburg lettuce while everyone else is eating.  Just order a salad with no cheese and the dressing on the side. 

They're talking Mexican food on Tuesday night.  Unfortunately, I can't get out of going.  It's going to be a rough night, sitting there without having any chips.  That's so my downfall.  Just like the funnel cake I saw when I walked the mall yesterday.  Oh that was so hard, walking past that twice and seeing the sign.  Not to mention the bakery type place in the food court with 2 big display cases with all the sweets.  O.M.Gee.  I had everything I could do to walk past those places.

So, plan for Tuesday.  I want one ahead of time.  Tomorrow... I'll have a turkey sandwich and a salad.  Yummy and on plan.  Tuesday.. hmm I could do one of the low carb days, but I don't think a fajita dinner would be considered on-plan even without the tortillas.  I'll go through the days slowly tomorrow.  Right now, it's really late.  The only reason I'm still up is that the duckie boy is up coughing and puking again.  I'm so exhausted, work is going to suck tomorrow.  I may resort to an energy drink.  The sugar free ones are 5 calories for 8 oz, which isn't any more than the Coffee-Mate in my coffee. 

I'm gonna try to get some sleep.  Laterness and g'night.

Day 64 Pictures - Phase 5 Day 14 - 20 Lbs down

The picture on the left was taken on Dec 31, the right was taken today.  The weight loss is noticeable, though more so when I'm wearing other clothes.

Weigh in this morning had me very happy.  I lost 4.2 lbs this week.  I've finally hit 20 lbs down.  I am impatient to get out of the 220's now.    I'll post more later, after I eat.  I'm starving.  I haven't eaten anything since breakfast, and that was more than 3 hours ago, and was only a small bowl of oatmeal.

Day 63 - Phase 5 Day 20

I'm losing track of the days, but I think I've got the right one.  Had an interesting day today.  I got a new pair of sneakers (I get the ones like the Reebok ones with the balance ball stuff on the bottom - KMart brand called Rock N Fit - they helped my feet stop hurting) and got sneakers for the munchkins too.  That got expensive fast.  Then we walked the mall since I didn't walk yesterday.  I was hurting for a lot of it and had to just walk through the pain.  Shooting pains from my hip to my upper thigh.  My legs are hurting tonight.

I got a friend request today from someone that I just didn't expect.  I'm going to have to watch what I say about the MUD on Facebook now because a dear friend's brother sent a friend request, and I don't think he knows his brother MUDs.

Food was on plan, though I'm not sure about going to church tomorrow, the duckie boy was running a fever and the kittie girl had a headache today.  Headed to bed early though, since I had planned on a nap but never got it today.  Not much to say tonight.  The weekend is passing too quickly.  Weigh in tomorrow morning.  I already know I'm at least 2 lbs down since I was at 224 on Friday.   That is, if the scale doesn't play tricks on me.  Laterness and g'night.

Day 62 - Phase 5 Day 19 (Ok, I had to count LOL)

Food was... mostly on plan today.  If I didn't have it in the cupboard, I didn't eat it but didn't substitute either.  This means no low fat tartar sauce, no low fat mayo.  I'll live.  Justin will pick up some low fat cheddar (and possibly provolone if he finds some.  I forgot to tell him to get cheese sticks but after 2 oz of cheese, I'll be full) and I'll have some of that. Otherwise, I'm done for the night.  The weight loss is noticeable now. 

Work... well it's not going to change.  One of my coworkers in Cinci was very rude today, talking like she was my boss, but I wrote back very politely telling her that we did things exactly how the manager said to do it.  Pretty good considering I lost my temper when I first got the email.  She's got the same job title as I do, so she wasn't the one to be telling me what to do.  A request is the best way to get what you want from me.

I still need to exercise.  I'm planning on doing the exercise to the Walk Away the Pounds video again.  Justin and the duckie boy joined me for lunch, so I didn't walk on the treadmill during my normal time.  Gonna go to bed early.  Laterness & g'night

Day 61 - Margaritaville or It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere

Phosphor light and shadow play
Allowing a quiet evening lull
At the end of the day.

The day got away from me today.  I ate at 12:30 or so, but the next time I looked up, it was 2:30 and I hadn't actually clocked out for lunch.  The work is starting to snowball (or avalanche), and it's only going to get worse.  My boss doesn't like to disagree with anyone and always has a 'can-do' attitude.  As in we can do it.  Whether or not it means dropping everything else we're working on, including projects for one of the two men who founded the company, or projects for customers.  He was in yesterday complaining no one pays attention to him any more.  Not a surprise since they don't run the new company the same way he ran the company. 

It would have been easier for me to do all of the work we were given, and let everyone keep doing their projects, but the others need to learn how to do it.  Especially since I'm still planning on moving.  I've got a pounding headache still.  Oh yea, and the duckie boy is awake but I need to do my strength exercises.  I'm going to have to find a different time to do these.  It's hard because tonight Justin went to the mall to walk for a couple of hours after dinner so I didn't have any time to do anything.  He didn't get back until after the kids went to bed and I was rocking the boy.  Just wish I could get him to sleep through the night on his own.  I finally put him in bed with Justin so I could get some stuff done.

More work with GIMP and I've found a few things I don't like about it, but I may just need to get used to it.  I got the first site designed, though I may need some buttons done.  I'll have to figure out how I want to do the site navigation.  Feeling more relaxed than when I first got home at least.  Gonna get some sleep to try to prepare myself for tomorrow.  Laterness and g'night.

Day 60 - One Month

So, I'm giving myself 1 month to update 2 of my biggest websites.  The ones that I've had the longest.  Ideally, I'd like to be able to leave my job in that time.  I'm praying really hard that either I get the patience to deal with more stuff that happened today that will be ongoing, or that I be able to leave the job.  The only thing that's even going to take a month is learning to use GIMP for my designing.  I'll also be relearning more about CSS and other web stuff I used to know.  I'll be hand-coding my websites for right now to help me remember the things I've forgotten over the years (as evidenced by my web design website, which has a lot of problems).  I'm going to start with my web design site to improve and make it what it should have been all along.  Eventually, I'll change the site to something else because I found a better domain name to use.  Or maybe I'll have them both as the same site.  I hate to get rid of the old one because I've had it for 10 years and I seem to remember it'll help with search engines.  I'll have to do more research later because I hate to have to pay for so many sites without an income from at least one of them.

I want to head to bed early, I hope it'll help with how tired I am.  Food was on plan today, water was good.  I walked on the treadmill.  All in all a productive day that will be topped off by starting to come up with an initial design for my design site.  I'll have to look for some free clip art.  If I can't find what I want, I have an artist box in the other room.  One with mostly pencils and one with crayons, markers, water colors, etc.  I bought a small one at Christmas for my kittie girl and a bigger one for myself.  I love to draw, like I love to write fiction.  LOL I also love to knit or crochet, which a dear friend of mine from the MUD can't believe.

It's not going to be fun next week.  There are people coming from the other 2 companies that were involved in the merger last fall.  Three girls are from Orange City, Iowa, one is from Cincinnati.  We have a pot luck on Monday, then will be eating out a lot later in the week, both for lunch and dinner.  I'm going to try to cry off on a lot of them because I don't want to leave Justin home alone with the 2 kids all week.

Initial impression, I like GIMP so far.  I definitely like it a lot more than I did when I tried it in '98 when I worked for the wireless ISP.  It has a lot of patterns for fill, though eventually I'll want more.  I can find lots of free patterns on the web.  I forgot how relaxing it is to design.  I'd better go to bed though.  Laterness and g'night.

Addendum

I'm feeling very raw and naked this afternoon. I think it's stress and because I can't binge to make the feelings go away. Not sure how to handle these feelings.

Day 60 - Black Velvet & Drowning in Work

I'm not sure we'll get much accomplished today but I'm swamped in work. They're talking pot luck Monday. I said to let me know what they wanted me to bring since I'd have to bring my lunch anyway and they didn't get it. They are at least increasing their exercise/steps throughout the day by walking the stairs once an hour. Its a start.

Justin called, the school wants the kittie girl to work with a speech therapist. We need to go in on Friday to sign the paperwork. That's one thing off my mind at least.

Been talking to my sister today about another online course I want to take. I need to start increasing my writing income since the other I was doing dried up. Yes, I can figure out copywriting but I'd love to have a course to walk me through it anyway. I think I'm just going to figure it out myself after I redesign my 4 websites this week LOL.

Anyway on the treadmill now. So laterz

Day 59 - Ending the Day on Laughter

I got a shock tonight, I was half watching Criminal Minds (on ION) while playing games on the computer, and I recognized a voice so I had to look up.  From watching Wil Wheaton's episode on Sunday, tonight I got to see an episode with Jonathan Frakes.  I recognized his voice, but he's aged (well duh) and has gained some weight.  Of course, his character was skeevy, but most guest stars are on this show since they're usually the criminals.  Now I'm watching the Colbert Report for shits and giggles.  You never can tell what his opinion really is.

I almost forgot the strength exercises until I started posting.  The duckie boy won't sleep so I've had to rock him a lot tonight.  Makes it fun to try to get my exercise in.  Right now he's up crying for the 4th time tonight.  No coughing, just up crying.

I was daydreaming today about taking the kids to Branson for spring vacation.  I think they'd both love some of the shows and definitely Silver Dollar City and the petting zoo there.  It's not going to happen but it'd be nice.  Someone asked tonight if I wanted to move back to Branson.  The answer is not really, but a part of me wouldn't mind it.  I could freelance web design with no problem and there's tons to do and even more shopping.  But it's not close enough to my family and they have the shopping near them too.  I wouldn't mind spending a week in Branson tho.  Another two weeks in DC and one in NC where I used to live... there'd be lots for the kids to do.... once they're a bit older.

Sounds like the boy is asleep.  Laterness & g'night

Day 59 - The Past Ain't No Place to Live

I don’t know what’s up with me today.  I’m having trouble focusing on work.  All I can think about is X (obviously not his real name, it’s the first letter my ex in Branson’s online username) today.  Not sure why he’s on my mind.  No, I never got over him, but there is someone else out there that I never got over either.  Of course, the someone else is still talking to me, X is not.  X and my Marine never really got along, but Justin doesn’t always get along with my Marine either.

Maybe I’m thinking of this person because the last time I seriously lost weight was when I was with him.  The last time I seriously lost weight, I almost got down to 200 lbs, and he told me he had been thinking about leaving.  He started spending every other weekend at the house of his high school girlfriend (obviously an ex), and told me he never got over her but that all he did is kiss her once and cuddle with her, that he didn’t sleep with her.

I’ll admit, there are times that I’ve been tempted to leave Justin.  He’s been unemployed three times in the almost 7 years we’ve been together.  He hasn’t received unemployment any of those times.  Each time I’ve been the primary wage earner.  But, I made a choice, and I’m with him for better or worse – unless he leaves me.

Yet a very small part of me worries that Justin is going to want to leave when I get to almost 200 lbs.  It’s the same part of me that lived with an abusive husband (not X, my Marine’s father) for almost 5 years, even after he threatened me with a knife.  The part that wouldn’t let me leave until it was my online friends from the MUD convinced me that I needed to leave.  The part of me that believed that I’d never find anyone after I left that ex because that’s what he told me time and again.  The same part that still won’t let me be happy 15 years later, no matter how much counseling I’ve been through.  The part that is probably the reason that I’ve never been in a relationship that’s lasted more than 5 years.

So far, food is on plan (day 3 meal plan). Water is only at 48 oz and I’m uncomfortably full considering I haven’t eaten my lunch.  I’m getting ready to get another 16 oz of water.  Writing everything out put things into perspective.  Part of me still thinks Justin will leave me or something will happen to him and I’ll be a single parent again, but I can deal with that.  It’s been my fear since I had my kittie girl and Justin went in the hospital for chest pains at the age of 32.  Another part of me feels like we’re less important than whatever crap he wants to put in his mouth.  Yet he’s eating healthy with me, exercising, trying to lose weight and take his medications.  It’ll all work out as it’s supposed to I guess.

Now to figure out what to do about my job - or a job I like better.

Day 58 - Sticking to the Plan While Trying Not to Fight or Stress

Justin and I got into a fight tonight.  I had to go to the grocery store to pick up WIC - or at least garbage bags, milk, cheese and fruit.  I ended up with one bag of frozen strawberries for the $6, so I'll have to be sure to make a smoothie for the kids too... I'll let the strawberries thaw a bit first since I know the duckie boy won't drink it when it's cold.  Already tried that.  Funny thing about smoothies, I never figured it out until I started making them regularly... we used to make them when I was growing up, but we'd call them frappes.  I grew up on a farm in VT.  In the summer, we'd pick raspberries on the side of the road after haying (the raspberry bushes were along the side of the hay fields).  We'd bring the berries home, and dump them in a blender with ice, milk and sugar.  Now, I dump frozen berries in the blender with milk and stevia.  Still yum, almost 30 years later.  Wow that makes me feel old.  LOL  I'll be 40 this year, and we did this when I was between 4th and 7th grade.  So anywhere between 9 and 12 I think.

Back to the fight, he's stressed about money.  I'm stressed about money.  I went to the store for WIC, called at 6:50 after being gone most of an hour.  I asked if dinner was ready, and he hadn't even started cooking.  Then he gets mad at me for asking him to work on dinner.  He had been exercising.  That's great, but he could have started dinner and kept exercising instead of getting mad at me for asking him to start dinner right away because I was hungry and wanted to eat before 8 pm.

For the new food plan, I'll have to figure out what's available at different stores.  The local Walmart downsized their food choices.  I looked for low fat cheese at the grocery store, and all I found was cheddar made with 2% milk.  No low fat provolone.  So, I'll look at the grocery store that has the most choices, and I'll look at Walmart, then I'll have to figure out acceptable substitutes and email Allan to be sure that they're okay.  I'll just have to do the best I can with what I can find and what I have.  I didn't see much for 100% wheat English muffins at this store either, though I've seen Wasa bread there.  I did find some low calorie whole grain English muffins, 100 calories for one... the same as the flat buns I like so much.  I didn't see any whole wheat English muffins at the bread store either, but I'll look again.

I'm feeling better about the money situation.  I think we'll still be able to move with the money we have saved and the money we get from our taxes.  Justin is sure he can stay with his grandparents, and the kids and I will stay with my parents in FL until I find us a place.  I was worried we'd have to pay for the apartment still while I was down there looking for a place for us.  I'm also considering applying for a writing job for About.com.  They have a topic open for Assistive Technology for those with disabilities.  Since my dad was deaf, and my stepdad and 2 of my half brothers are legally blind, I'm rather familiar with some of those devices.  I'd love to research more since deafness runs in my family, and my sister's son might have hearing problems.  Or my kids' kids since daddy was born deaf.  Of course it'll be a few years yet before I have grandkids.  My Marine isn't planning on it for awhile since his girl is a Marine as well.  She's not even sure she wants kids, but she's young yet.

I forgot to eat my apple, and I'm not going to eat so late.  I also forgot the green beans with dinner since the potato filled me up so much.  Still trying to make sure I eat all of the veggies and fruit on my plan.  I want to be sure that I'm healthy.  I'm still tired a lot, so I'm trying to focus on taking my vitamins and eating a balanced plan.  Of course the tiredness might be that my thyroid is still out of whack.  (I never did figure out that phrase, though I've used it occasionally.  I saw someone ask once what being in whack was since out of whack was bad).  I'd love to start on the low carb menus, but I don't have everything I need and won't until Friday at the earliest unless I raid one of the machines for quarters.

Not wanting to go to work tomorrow, though I did very good today at staying on task all day.  I had to work on fixing stuff that IT broke because they made changes without running a check first.  They retrieved out of date information and now a number of our products are listed as made at a different plant than the one that actually makes them. 

I need to start bringing old baby clothes to work, one of my coworkers has a daughter who is pregnant and living with him and his wife.  She's no longer with the baby's father and is going to school so she can get a good job.  I've got a ton of clothes that I put aside for my sister, but never sent to her because she got even more clothes from the baby's father's family.  I've also got a diaper genie that I need to clean out and give away, a play mat and a few other things that I'd like to clear out of the house.  Unfortunately, I gave away the baby bathtub.  Oh well, they're not that expensive.  I told the coworker I had been planning on giving them to the local thrift store but would give them to them instead, and he said that'd save him from having to pay for them once his wife saw them at the thrift store.  LOL

Anyway, Being Human is done, Warehouse 13 is done.  Not in the mood to watch Without a Trace, so it's off to bed.  I think this post has rambled enough for the night.  I can't seem to stay on one topic.  Hopefully the duckie boy sleeps through the night.  Laterness and g'night.

Day 58 - Fluent in Javascript & Klingon

Its already been one of THOSE days and it doesn't look like its going to get better. I'm also freaking because we spent so much on getting the truck fixed this weekend and its still not running. I'm over tired and really feeling like food expenses are getting too much. I'm starting to wonder if I can keep up with the challenge. This week I can use WIC to get more fruit since the duckie boy eats it too.

I don't know what I can do about the new days I have to follow this week though. I guess I wait til I get paid on Friday, though money will be tight again next week, especially with rent and the bills we have to pay. We're going to have to dig into the moving fund again. This truck repair is draining our finances and I'm a bit scared about what its doing because if I don't increase our income we'll be stuck here forever. No money to travel no money to move. Okay, with the way work is going, more than a bit scared. Apparently sales are down since the merger.

I'm dreading next week since we'll have people here from Cinci and IA and will be eating out a lot. Just more to look forward to. Blah.

Walk done. I'm starving so eating tonight's salad now. Forgot my apple, I'll eat that later.

Day 57 - Follower or Fan?

Today, the sermon at church was about a book about whether we're a fan or follower of Jesus.  In other words, are we interested, or committed.   This afternoon, I started thinking about that with regards to my weight loss efforts.  How committed am I? 

I'm following the plan, but I'm not going the extra mile, as my weight loss for the last 2 weeks shows.  Yes, I lost 1 lb this week, which isn't bad considering I'm sure I'm retaining water this week.  I'm not sure if my thyroid issues are slowing things down, but honestly at 2 lbs a week, there's no way I'd be able to meet the goal I was given for the challenge.  So at least some weeks I should be losing more than 2 lbs a week.  I'm not counting last week's weigh in because the week before was no loss, when I had stayed under 1400 calories all week - the week after Allan dissolved Phase 4 and before he started Phase 5.

Today, on plan.  Water was great.  I walked to the store around lunchtime.  And to top off my weekend, I get to watch Wil Wheaton on Criminal Minds =)  This episode creeped me out the first time I saw it.  It's one of my favorites in a series that I love.  Now I get to watch Wil's character get hit by a semi. 

This weekend didn't go as planned, but I got a nap early this evening.  I cleaned the kids' room a bit, though it needs more cleaning - I threw away almost a full kitchen trash bag full of broken toys, and ripped papers.  I also threw away 2 items that I probably could have fixed, but I know myself and I know they'd just sit there unwearable, staring at me.  I feel guilty throwing them away.  I normally give them away, but didn't put them in the bag of clothes I'm giving away on freecycle after I go through her clothes again with her help to pick out the clothes she'll wear.

I need to get some sleep, my goal is to try to go the extra mile at work this week and stay out of the drama as much as possible.  It's going to be hard.  I don't want to be there.  I don't know that my taxes will be enough to get me out of there, the return is lower than I had hoped, and that's before the injured spouse claim that I have to file.  I will need a couple months' living expenses even once I'm in FL.  All I can do is keep moving in the right direction, and pray that I can get out of a job that gives me headaches and has me coming home cranky every day.  I am working on putting it behind me when I leave the building, and I'm doing better at it.

Time to get some sleep.  Laterness and g'night.

Day 56 - Phase 5 Day 13

So the Dave Ramsay Live show I was supposed to go to? Didn't happen.  I did everything I could, but with no transportation to the city, I stayed home with Justin and the kids.  I was supposed to ride with someone from church, but the Pastor couldn't get in touch with them, and everyone else had already left. 

Food, okay today.  I had planned on whatever day it is with pizza because I figured that'd be the easiest when traveling.  I could bring my sandwich, carrots and fruit and eat as needed.  So I stayed on plan since I had pretty much everything packed except for the pizza which I made homemade again this week. 

I'm tired tonight.  I didn't really get to sleep in, and was up late last night rocking the 2 kids.  Tonight its just the duckie boy.  He's coughing again.  Makes it hard to blog for sure.  Laterness and g'night.

Day 55 - It's Friday

So, TGIF.  I'm so fed up and stressed by work that I want to eat.  I had dinner, and I still want to put more and more in my mouth.  It's the first time I've had an eat the house episode in a long time.

I'm supposed to go to a Dave Ramsay thing tomorrow with people from church, but I'm having trouble finding out when they're leaving.  We don't have a 2nd car, I can't drive myself.  I'm going to keep trying to get more information tomorrow, but I don't know what to do if I can't find out.  I can't get down there, though I've already paid for the ticket.  It's frustrating because I really wanted Justin to go to this, but we can't find a sitter.  Exactly why I want to be near my family.

Guess that's it for tonite my lap is full with 2 kids who had nightmares.  Laterness & g'nite.

Day 55 - Phase 5 Day 12

Loved the email from Allan this morning - a certificate for making it through 11 days. Since I don't foresee myself winning any of the prizes from the Phase 5 DDDC I found my own reward. In June I'm going to go to Penn Square Mall in the city to visit the tea shop. There's someone here that has some of the teas from there. They smell yummy.

Still feeling sorry for myself and in a funk. But I'm doing what I need to. I'll get through it. Exercise done. Stupid biweekly meeting done (nothing to do with us really except to find out we're getting more work dumped on us). Drinking the second half of my smoothie and getting ready to put my headphones back on.

Day 54 - Phase 5 Day 11

Did the day 2 meal plan again.  It's just easier, though I really need to find more options so I don't get tired of the food.  I just don't have canned mixed fruit and I keep forgetting to buy it.  I also figured out another way I messed up yesterday.  6 dried figs are about 290 calories or so, I substituted a 1 oz box of raisins.  Much fewer calories.  Oops, next time I'll be sure I have the figs or find something that's comparable (I love dates without sugar).

Everything on plan, I'm just ... work is getting worse.  There were 2 supervisors under my manager.  They both had to re-interview, for only 1 job.  One of them got the job, the other didn't.  So there's unbelievable tension in the office and hurt feelings and taking sides.  I'm trying not to take sides, so I need to replace my headphones so I can live in my own little world.  As long as I get my work done, I hope it won't be a problem.

Having a pity party tonight.  A lot of stuff going through my mind.  Not entirely able to put it into words yet, but I will manage it eventually.  I still need to get my strength exercises in then I'm going to bed.  The duckie boy has been up the last 2 nights and I've fallen asleep with him in the recliner, so I didn't get much sleep.

Day 53 - Phase 5 Day 10

I started a post via MMS but never sent it because work was simply too crazy.  I'm going to type it in like I wrote it.

It's going to be a very long day. Websense is messed up again at work, which prevents me from doing certain parts of my job.  Plus, one of my coworkers is out until the 28th and I'm her back-up.  There are 2 people in the department that I back up, but when I'm out it takes 2 people to back me up.  Go figure.

I'm going to need to buy new headphones this weekend.  I managed to break mine.

I'm whiny and so not feeling like walking today.  I'm doing it because I know I need to, but I don't wanna.  I feel like throwing a kicking and screaming fit like a little kid.  I'm wearing a pair of the jeans that almost fit today.  They so match the shirt I wanted to wear.  I'm wearing shades of green.  Yesterday was black and gray.

I kinda hoped my mood would get better after the exercise, but still feeling pissy and whiny.

Ok, now I'm caught up to what I managed to type into my phone before I left work.

I finally figured out why my attitude was so bad other than the crap that's going on at work.  I exercised after eating the cottage cheese and crackers, but didn't eat the rest of my lunch.  Kinda hard to do it all on day 11's food without eating all of my lunch.  I felt better once I had the canned fruit and broccoli.  I wanted to pig out on the sirloin for dinner though.  OMG.  so good.  Of course, I realized tonight that I had forgotten the morning snack.

So yea, lotsa drama at work.  Two supervisors, one position.  One got the job, one was told she had a job in the department doing 'special projects.'  There's a lot of sour grapes, and griping about the way the boss backstabs and says everything was her doing even if it was done before she started in the department, blah blah blah.  It matters, but it's not going to make a difference to the vice president type person in charge.  Several people told this person that the department manager lied about things, including how long she was with the department, but she didn't care.  I just need to hurry and get my taxes done so I can give my 2 weeks notice.  I'll be asked to do more, but honestly I don't feel the loyalty to do that.  I don't want to burn bridges, but from the way they've behaved, if I give my 2 weeks' notice, and they find someone to replace me, they'll just shove me out before my 2 weeks are up.

Anyway, I was up late last night with the duckie boy.  He woke himself up coughing last night and I ended up sleeping in the recliner holding him.  Gonna get some sleep.  Laterness and g'night.

Day 52 - or Phase 5 Day 9

Listening to more music today and the song Hot Momma (w/Trace Adkins) had me thinking.  I want to be one hot mama even if I never take anyone's breath away.  I do this so I can be healthy and feel good.  I'm down 15 lbs and I've noticed an increase in my libido.  Justin's hasn't changed.  Just something I'll have to learn to live with.  I won't die from it.

It's kinda funny tho.  He used to hold the door for me when we were getting in the car.  So polite.  Now, not so much.  Almost 7 years later, and some days I barely get a civil word from him because he's stressed over this or that, or even with dealing with the kids throughout the afternoon.  I've resorted to telling him to take a higher dose of the Prozac the clinic put him on to help him quit smoking - or else just 'take a chill pill.'  An old phrase, but it gets my point across when I get fed up after a long day at work.  I guess I can't complain, he does make dinner for me and wait on me a bit more than most husbands.  Just sometimes I like to cook for myself, and everyone always loves my cooking.  The duckie boy ate 3 pieces of pizza to my 2 on Saturday.  With whole wheat flour in the crust. 

Everything is done.  I did as well as I could with the 3rd set of strength exercises.  Oh. Dear. God.  I did the best I could, but had to stop before I got 3 sets in because my legs were so shaky I was afraid I was going to fall.  With the stomach ones, I felt them on the back of my hips.  So I just need to keep trying, next Thursday (I'll rotate to the first set this Thursday and the 2nd set next Tuesday, etc.) 

I finally had a fairly long talk with my Marine tonight.  I hadn't really spoken to him much since he left the weekend before Christmas.  He was upset over a bunch of crap that happened with the airline reservations and barely said bye.  Tonight he gave me the new address where he and his girlfriend are renting off base.  I'm going to start sending him his clothes and other things that were left here.  I also sent him a $50 Target gift card through MyPoints (I had been saving the points to send him stuff for the apartment).  He's going to pay back the money I loaned him for his flight back.  He's sending a bit more than what I gave him this year, but he borrowed money over the last year that he promised to pay back.  I'm kinda happy about it because I have been stressing over money some since I loaned it to him, but I didn't want to tell him I was worried about it.

My stomach hurts, as once I did as many of the stomach exercises that I could from the sheet, I finished out with 1 set of crunches and 1 set of what we called 'dead cockroaches' in Tae Kwon Do.  Relaxing a bit with my knitting then gonna go to bed after Face Off on SyFy is done.  Laterness and g'night.

Day 50 - Valentine's Day Final

Everything on plan, I think I'm boring.  Used the shake (I followed day 2 today) as a substitute for the chocolate I wanted but didn't touch.  Started quoting White Lion as my Facebook status... Don't give up.

I had to laugh tonight.  Justin's grandfather gave the kids a Valentine's heart with 3 chocolates in it - one of those little Russell Stover ones.  When I got in the car, I looked at my youngest, and he had chocolate all around his mouth.  I asked if he had any chocolate left and he had part of one.  Apparently he didn't like the last chocolate.  On the other hand, my daughter had her chocolates gone before they had driven 3 blocks.

Exercise happened today like it was supposed to.  I'm getting the hang of the intervals.  I was happy to see stomach exercises included in the weight exercises.  My stomach isn't going down like it did last time I lost weight seriously.

They had a small auction today at work to raise money for someone we work with.  She's gotta be close to 80 and fell twice with the ice storms 2 weeks ago.  She broke her arm the first time, and I think a vertebrae the second time.  She's going to be in rehab for months if not more, and probably won't come back to work.  Anyway, I bid on a pendant in the auction as a reward for being down 15 lbs.  When I checked 10 minutes before the end, I was the top bidder.  Apparently it was sniped, because I didn't win the auction.  I was sad, but I'll look for a reward this weekend.  It'll be a non-food reward, obviously.  Maybe a trip to Ross is in the cards after we collect from the newspaper boxes. 

One of the girls at work wants to go walking tomorrow.  Since she said she doesn't walk fast, I may go ahead and walk with her anyway to encourage her since she needs to lose weight.  We did a walking challenge last year at work, and she lost quite a bit of weight, but she's regained a lot of what she lost. On the other hand, I didn't lose anything, though I did start walking almost 10k steps a day (about 4 miles a day for me).

Think I've jumped topics enough tonight.  I've got some research to do so I can apply for a freelance writing job.  Laterness and g'night.

Day 50 - It Was No Accident Me Finding You

I'm in a daze this morning. I got sleep but feel like my head is full of fuzz. I don't want to use a sick day so I'm just doing my best to focus on work. In a bit I'll get a diet soda to see if it helps me wake up. Or I'll make some tea because the coffee didn't help.
I need to find my belt. Most of my jeans have a bit of lycra which was great when I was at 240 - 245 but they're a bit loose now and the smaller jeans were just a bit tight on my stomach. The other jeans are cute but I'm more interested in the skirts I can now fit into. At least one I don't want to get rid of and am wondering if I can get it tailored when I get to goal. LOL of course by then I'll be fitting into more cute clothes so I may change my mind.
Tea helped wake me up a bit but I have no inclination to do much work. I'm doing it but not happy about it :P
I'm a bit worried about jogging on the treadmill until I find my belt but I think my belly will keep them up. Or my hips. They're big enough. Breakfast and lunch are on plan. Will post tonight with fianl results.

Day 50 - Phase 5 Day 7

I'm extremely happy with my weigh in this morning.   If I can keep this up, I should be on track to meet close to my June 1 goal.  Maybe not beat it like some of the other challengers, but I'll take any change I can get as long as it's in the right (downward) direction.

Walk was done outside.  I swear, weather in OK is wild.  When I got to work Thursday morning, it was -17º F.  Today, it hit 70º F.  Four days later and almost 90º difference.  It was a bit chilly to walk, but I had everyone put on sweat shirts to stay warm.  Of course, my kittie girl still complained she was cold, so I gave her my sweatshirt as well.  I was working up a sweat with the walk, but she was unhappy that I kept running while pushing her stroller.  LOL  She didn't like leaving daddy and baby brother behind.

I'm looking forward to the shake tonight.  I <3 those shakes.  Though I'll admit to spicing it up (with 0 calorie stuff tho) I add a tsp or so of cocoa powder and a tablespoon of instant coffee for a mocha shake.  As good as the Arby's kind and all healthy and on plan.

Dinner is mostly done, I still need to heat up some frozen green beans, then have my shake.  Otherwise, I've eaten everything else according to plan.  Water is at 96 oz and a bit more.  I need to have 128 oz of fluids, and normally don't count coffee, milk, juice or anything else.  I may call it good tonight even if I don't finish the last 32 oz cup of water.  I am at the 128 oz of fluids I need.

Day 50 - Weigh In Day

Apparently Day 2 is my go-to day for this plan.  If I'm not sure what's for dinner, I start with the oatmeal and just go through the rest.  Justin made pancakes for the kids this morning, but I'm really not sure I want pasta tonight.  I should go through and see what other days start with oatmeal.  For some reason they're all blending together.  Since Day 2 is easiest for me, that's what I do.  I bought more ice cream yesterday and have everything on hand.  Frozen strawberries instead of fresh, but I really don't like the fresh out of season.  They have a funky taste to them.

This is fun, I'm trying to type with duckie boy crawling all over me.  He aggravated the cat, and she clawed his hand.  He keeps coming to me and complaining he has a boo boo and wanting me to kiss it.  After the 5th time, I told him that happens when he aggravates the cat.  So now he's kissing it himself.

So far, on plan, but I'm trying to figure out how to do the exercise without a treadmill.  I can do what I did Wednesday, but I don't feel I got as much out of it without the treadmill.  I guess as long as I move, it doesn't matter, huh?  As long as I try it and do my best.

Day 49 - Keep on Moving

Yea, so I am working my way through Day 3 or whatever day is the day with the cheese pizza.  I can't finish all of the food, and it's 10 pm.  I'm going to have my glass of milk from dinner then get some sleep I think.  Water and food on plan, but I had to fight myself tonight.  I wanted more than just 2 pieces of pizza.  It was so good, I could have easily eaten twice what I ate.  I had my 2 pieces and just wanted to eat and eat and eat.  I fought with myself for a bit then went to Walgreens to buy hair dye since today was the last day of the sale.  I do love couponing and combining sales with coupons to get really good deals.  Like 3 boxes of Garnier hair color and 3 Valentine's day cups for $3.34 including tax. 

I'm trying to hold onto the feeling of the good deal because I'm about to start stressing again.  Justin was bringing his son (my stepson) home and the truck crapped out.  I have no clue what's going on right now, all I know is Justin's ex is bringing him home at some point.  It's been 40 minutes since the text message, so I'm not entirely sure how long before they're home.  I'm glad I insisted on tucking the kittie girl into bed instead of letting her wait til Justin got home.  The duckie boy was late falling asleep, but is finally asleep now so I have a few minutes of peace. 

Took a melatonin pill when I got up to get my milk.  I really need to sleep well tonight.  Hopefully that'll snap me out of my funk.  I'm not depressed, I'm just having trouble with focusing on what I need to be doing.  It's not just weight loss related.  It's more along the lines of doing something about being so miserable in my job for 3+ years.  Moving will help, but I need to find something that'll help more.  Fireproof is over, so I guess it's time to think about bed.  Laterness and g'night.

Day 48 - Phase 5 Day 5

Too tired to be creative with my title tonight.  Another day on plan, water and food okay.  Exercise - I felt like I was going to die those last 2 jogging sessions.  I felt a flush in my face and I could barely get my breath.  But I did it :)

I had a few ideas on how to get things to go easier next week.  Make menus for the house and set up everything ahead of time.  Should make it cheaper.  My only thing is the cheese pizza.  I'm thinking I'd prefer homemade, as long as it's a 12" cheese pizza, it should be on the plan.  I'm not particularly crazy about frozen pizzas.  I figure I'll get some bread crumbs and make baked nuggets for the kids on days that I'm having chicken, I have a Romano Basil vinaigrette that I really can't stand in my salad that I can use to marinate the chicken for them (but not for me).  I ordered the sirloin Philly steaks from work (all meat, thinly sliced and already portioned - unfortunately at 4 oz), and hope they'll eat that.  Maybe on a baked potato like I plan (since that's the meal, steak and potatoes) or a cheese steak sandwich and some home fries (baked again, healthy with little oil).  Dunno, other than the pizza and spaghetti, I'm thinking I'll end up fighting them on dinner no matter what I do.  I want to make it healthy, hence the baking stuff.  I know I lost weight eating that kind of food before, I just need to be sure they're eating veggies and fruits too.  Never any worries about that, my daughter may want cereal for dinner, but she prefers a salad over chicken and broccoli.  My 2 year old will take sliced cucumbers from Justin's bowl and eat them.  They both ask for celery with peanut butter and eat most of it.  Fruit salad doesn't last long either, they'll eat bananas or sliced apples, and they both love clementines.  I just need to make the healthy eating more of a habit than an occasional occurrence. 

It's 11:30 already, time sure flies lately.  I meant to go to the forum, but never made it back tonight.  Laterness and g'night.

Day 48 - A Boot to the Butt

So yesterday and today I've been wearing/have worn jeans in a size smaller than I have been wearing. I've got a bit to go to fit in them right though. The pair yesterday fit okay, but the pair today are getting very uncomfortable around the waist. Funny thing though, they're the same size and same brand. I guess that should be the encouragement to keep at the plan.

On the treadmill now. So far on plan. Just a blah day otherwise. Wishing I could snap out of the blahs.

Day 47 - Phase 5 Day 4

Let's just get confusing with all the numbers, why don't we?

Everything was on plan today, food, water, exercise.  I never noticed how much food they had catered in at work until I started the Challenge at Phase 4.

Today's triceps dips sucked.  I really struggled with the last set of 12, but I did them.  I'm going to be sore tomorrow though. 

I'm just feeling sad again tonight.  Tomorrow is payday Friday, and we have a bunch of stuff that needs to be paid.  Nothing is going on for Valentine's Day.  The church is having a date night, they do every year the Friday before Valentine's day, but I honestly don't feel like going anywhere with this cold.  I saw -17 this morning without the wind chill.  The Weather Channel has it at 12ºF right now according to my sidebar/gadget bar.

My sister and I were joking about if I won the challenge since Justin would refuse to go to NY, I'd bring her.  Of course we'd both have to find sitters, I don't think Mom could handle all 3 kids.  Not that I plan on winning, I just don't seem to be losing at the pace I theoretically should be.  At least the weight is going down, that's what matters to me.

I want to teach my kids healthy habits since we still have fights over dinner.  They both happily ate spaghetti tonight, though there was some whining from the 2 year old that he wanted cereal.  I measured mine out and will eat it tomorrow night when they have something else since I was following day 2 today for food.  I felt guilty telling them they need to eat what everyone else was when I wasn't eating what everyone else was.  My daughter has an issue with eating anything - she says she doesn't like chicken, she doesn't like broccoli.  She'll eat rice, even brown rice.  She just needs to learn to eat other foods.  She eats them at school. 

So I'm curious, for those who know more about Blogger, what's the point in followers?  Is that people that read your blog?  I noticed that a lot of people have the little gadget on the side, but I'm just not sure I understand.  I love getting comments and knowing people are reading what I write, but I don't rate my blog (or myself) on how many followers I have - if that makes any sense.  What I write is valuable to me if no one else.  There were a few days there where I was getting 2 hits a day, and I suspect both were me.  One from work and one from home.  I know my blog disappeared from Allan's blogroll when he moved to the new address.  I do have old friends from eDiets who read my blog, and I gave the address to a few other close friends, so I had people reading.  However, only one was participating in the challenge.  She still is, though I think she's been too busy moving to read many emails or other peoples' blogs.

Anyway, I'd better get to sleep since it's 11:30.  Laterness and g'night.

Day 47 - Temptation & More Temptation

So today is is going to be rough. They're ordering food in since the roads are still bad and the company cafeteria is closed. Ribs and chicken and who knows what else all from Rib Crib. I made a smoothie (without ice cubes) out of my strawberries & milk that is my afternoon snack and already drank it. Oops. I'm following day 2 again. I didn't have time to make pancakes to do day 3.

Lunch is now done and I didn't touch the Rib Crib food. I moved my salad to lunch and I'm full. Still have a bit more salad and my apple. I'm glad Amanda set up a forum. Its easier to keep track of everyone's answers BUT its another thing for me to remember to check.

I have been so swamped from having the snow day yesterday, I haven't had a chance to write more. I'm at 112 oz of water right now.

Day 46 - 3 Days Down - 117 to go

I ended up doing the exercising to a Walk Away the Pounds DVD, walking and jogging in place by watching the clock.  So food, exercise and water all on plan.  Thinking I'm going to do Day 3 tomorrow for food.  I'm trying to get the kids to eat healthier, and they'll eat spaghetti.  We had a struggle with the 5 year old kittie girl.  She's too used to getting cereal or corn dogs or whatever she wants for dinner, but we gave her chicken, broccoli and rice tonight (exactly what I had).  The duckie boy ate it with a bit of ketchup.  Yech, at least he ate.  LOL.

I'll have to add the meat  to the spaghetti after I measure out my food, but I have everything I need other than hamburger.  Friday's meals will be one of the ones with sirloin for dinner, I just really want red meat.  I haven't had any in more than 46 days LOL.

I just realized I hadn't hit post.  It's definitely bedtime.  Laterness and g'night.

Day 46 - Snow Day

My work is closed from another 'blizzard.'  Granted, we got more snow this time than last time, but this is the 2nd time in 2 weeks that it's been closed.  I needed the relaxing morning though, my shoulder/neck are finally feeling better.  It was interesting trying the weight exercises with my shoulder hurting.

Justin just cooked himself some eggs and mushrooms.  The mushrooms smell so good, now I'm going to crave them all day.  I guess it could be worse, at least it's something healthy.  I'm lucky in that he supports me pretty well with the weight loss effort.  He's been watching what he eats, and his blood sugar is more normal. 

I can't remember which day I'm following today, I think it's day 8.  Breakfast oatmeal and fruit juice.  I need to wait until later to eat the yogurt, as I took my new thyroid medication at 7, and can't have anything with calcium until 4 hours after that.  Just means it'll be an extra filling smoothie for my morning snack lol.

It looks like most of my grocery shopping this weekend will need to be at Aldis at least for the chicken.

My posting is scattered this morning.  I need to figure out how to get the exercising done without a treadmill to watch the time.  Getting out isn't going to be easy today, so it'll all have to be done at home.  Justin said it was a nightmare to deliver papers.  I also have a lot of knitting that needs to be done, as well as finishing my research for the writing projects I want to start.  Of course I'll need to get money into PayPal or get a prepaid Visa card to follow through.

Day 45 - Step out the front door

Snow and more snow. We're under a winter storm warning starting at 3 today. I'm at work but freezing because I forgot to bring a jacket/sweater. I'm also in pain still. I feel like I did something to my neck and I know I didn't sleep well as a result.

I'm on plan so far today and have finished 48 oz of water so almost half done. I am having one of those days at work and would love to go home and start over. Or even stay home but my job makes me miserable anyway.

I'm now done 64 oz of water and lunch is done.

Day 44 - Phase 5 Begins

The next couple of days are going to be rough since I'm low on oatmeal and I didn't realize I was when I was grocery shopping yesterday.  I have enough for gas to get through the week, but I don't want to dip into savings any more for the week. 

I'm in a touch of pain tonight.  It's hurting to move my neck, which means I'm going to have to take something to be able to sleep.  I'm not sure what I did.

Overall, it was a good day.  Food exactly what I was supposed to eat while on the plan.  Walking or walk/jog was okay for today, though I felt like I was going to die that last minute of jogging.  Stretching okay, and I felt nice and loose until I sat down at the laptop tonight.  I will admit I love having the vanilla milkshake after dinner, though I may need to move some of dinner's food to earlier in the day.  I was starving by the time I left work.  I need to check on if it's okay.

First day back on thyroid medication tomorrow, let's hope it fixes the exhaustion.  I'm so sick of feeling like I'm hitting the wall when I get enough sleep and shouldn't be all that tired.

Still thinking about and praying for my friend Brenda and her family.  Words fail me right now, I'm just sad and wishing for a magic wand to make things all better.

I need to get some sleep before I fall asleep sitting up.  I'm just staring at the computer screen anyway.  I'm well past the age where I was when I used to stay awake all night gaming.  Laterness and g'night.

Day 44 - test results

The clinic finally called. All tests came back okay but my thyroid was borderline. I'm starting on a low dose thyroid medication tomorrow.

Day 44 - Love and Tough Love

Now that I've had a bit of time to look at the food I'm not as stressed. I'm just going to have to choose the weekly meals based on sales because it'll get expensive if I don't.
I was on the phone with my brother when I first started looking over the food and I read the meals for one of the days to him. He didn't really even listen once I said it was 1200 calories. 'Oh I can't eat that little, I get a headache.' Keep in mind my brother is probably at least 80 to 100 lbs overweight (*EDIT: My sister says he's 350 to 400 lbs, so more than 80 to 100 lbs overweight). That's fine. He's not ready to change. BUT (and this is a big one) he was complaining to me about being lonely. That he doesn't have many friends etc. I really should have laid it on the line then - he has some major hygiene issues. As in BO and bad breath. I'm going to get my sister's opinion on whether I should say something. Tho I'll do it in email and ask him to read it slowly and really think before he just says I'm wrong.

So far on plan. Tho I made a smoothie out of my afternoon snack and have been slowly drinking it.
Breakfast oatmeal, oj, milk
Lunch turkey sandwich & apple
Snack milk & strawberries
Getting ready to go down and exercise.

Day 43 - Starting Off

So I'm kinda freaking a little about the meal plan because I'm worried about how much it's going to cost.  I'm starting with the day 2 meal with oatmeal, etc and will go from there.  It's going to be difficult at first, but I think I can do it.  I'll make the afternoon snack as a smoothie to make it more portable.  I forgot to buy apples, and I'll probably need to get more fat free ice cream (I got sugar free too).  Since money isn't exactly free this week, I'll have the same thing every day for the week and once I get a chance to print everything out, I'll see what other days are inexpensive enough and easy enough to switch off between them.  I have some SteakEZE in the freezer, and I can get more from work. Since those are sirloin, which is 6% fat, that's lean for a meal.  Work is actually coming in handy for something.  I have to know the fat percentage since I work with the school program day in and day out at job, which is for a meat processing company.  As long as I watch which one I order, it's cheap and it's what I need for meals.  I'm not so sure about the lean hamburg, I'll have to figure out what the meat only is for fat.  I know it's under 30%, but to me that's not lean.

Really short post tonight.  I had a lot to say, but didn't get much of the post started.  Then I opened my email, and a dear friend from eDiets isn't doing well.  I'll admit I saw it coming, though it makes me sad.  She's been in and out of the hospital too much for my taste.  I'm praying for her family since I can't do anything else.

I'm not feeling the best, so gonna get some sleep.  I still need to put my food into SparkPeople, but I know that my calories were really low.  I forgot to eat lunch, I took a nap instead.  Laterness and g'night.

Day 42 - Interested?

"There's a difference between interest and commitment.  When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it's convenient.  When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses; only results." - Unknown

It's obvious whether Allan is interested in weight loss or committed to weight loss.  My goal is to be committed to weight loss no matter how discouraged I get at how slow I lose.  My goal is to stick to the plan no matter what.  I know I'm going to be the slowest loser.  I'll live as long as I get closer to my goal. 

I suspect I won't get any answers on the exhaustion.  I called the clinic again.  The PA wasn't in today.  I already know that if my test had been 'enough' off she would have called.  My only other choice is to go to another doctor or deal with it.  It's nice that our clinic is so inexpensive but they're not exactly good at times.  My coworker had bronchial pneumonia but the clinic didn't diagnose it correctly for 2 months.  She finally went to the Indian clinic (American Indian that is) and got the medication to get better.  I don't have that choice - I'm not Indian.  I'd need to find a doctor and pay everything out of pocket since I haven't met my deductible yet.

I finished yesterday at 1200 calories, though I did have a piece of cake and shouldn't have.  I ate out of stress, and I so know better. 

Today so far I'm at 500 calories.  I spent too much time working on paperwork for the Oklahoman. I'm really stressing out about that.  We need to stop eating out.  I don't want to dip into savings any more than we're going to have to in paying off the Oklahoman for last month.  I want to replace the money ASAP.

Back, finishing my post after dinner and a bath.  Donner was chicken and mushrooms in a pita.  Finishing the day a bit over 800 calories.  I wasn't hungry earlier, so decided that was it for the day.  I'm getting hungry now but no eating after 8 pm. 

I keep forgetting that I have this window open, so I'm going to go ahead and post.  Laterness and g'night.

Day 41 - Heads Carolina Tails California

Yea so I'm still feeling exhausted today. I won't get the results of my tests til this afternoon. Hopefully not when I'm on the biweekly conference call. I'm going to try to go down and exercise today. Since I'm not as totally beat as I was yesterday.

Breakfast has become a habit. I hope its on the new plan. Egg beaters on lite wheat toast. Milk. I want something sweet so I'll have raisins in a bit.
I'm not sure if I'll have my morning snack or not. It'll depend on if I get hungry before lunch which is hummus and carrots and a yogurt.

Had my morning snack.

Change of plans for lunch. Had 3 dill pickle spears and about 4 oz of chicken breast with 2 tbsp BBQ sauce. Planning on skipping both of the cakes in the building, including the one 10' from my desk. Lunch is over so I'll try to get in some exercise tonight. Laterness.

Day 40 - Thursday

Oops, I almost said Friday.  Think I'm just tired.  Going to bed as soon as I post here and my other blog.  I'm still working at formulating plans for the rest of the year - at least the plans that aren't weight loss related. I've already formulated the plan to lose weight.  It's called follow the challenge rules.

Anyway, today I made up for yesterday's 1300 calories by getting less than 1000.  I'm just too tired to be very hungry.  Dinner was 2 eggs over easy with toast from lite bread and a bit of butter.

I have mixed feelings about my results for tomorrow.  Hopefully they know what's wrong with me tomorrow.  Otherwise, I don't know how long I'll have to wait.  If nothing's wrong and my thyroid is what they consider normal, she may give me a small dose of synthroid.  I tried to get a response out of her because I really don't think I'm anemic or sick.  I could be wrong, Lord only knows I'm not perfect.  Not even close.  She at least understood my frustration with doing everything 'right' and some weeks only losing 1 lb.  

CSI tonight made me miss Daddy.  I haven't even been back to NY since the funeral.  On the anniversary of his death, my sister put flowers on his grave, and took a picture of it, but that's not the same.  His birthday just passed, and I feel guilty that I let the day slip by.  Usually, I post something on my other blog wishing him a happy birthday.  It was a dear friend's birthday the day after Daddy's, and I let that slip by as well.  I've just been so self-absorbed lately.  If you're reading this, D, hope your birthday was something special even with fighting with the kids and the wife.  And Daddy, wherever you are, I love you and miss you.

Time for sleep.  Laterness and g'night.

Day 40 - Twister in the TrailerHood

*grins* in the words of Toby Keith "grab a 6-pack and a lawn chair there's a tornado comin'" its all good.

Clinic appointment this morning. They're doing a full spectrum blood test including for anemia and my thyroid. With how how many dark veggies I'm eating I doubt I'm anemic. She's testing my blood sugar but I haven't had any sugar in 40 days. So I really think it'll be my thyroid. She seemed to think so too. Its nice to know that I'm not crazy. I told her I got dizzy on the treadmill and she checked my ears. She said they're clear. So an ear infection isn't why I got dizzy.

Honestly, my numbers 3 years ago were borderline at 1.8 but they use a different scale than my last doctor who kept my TSH around 1.

Anyway breakfast was an egg and a 1/4 c of egg beaters on toast w/cheese over 300 calories by the time I had milk too. Oops. Lunch is chicken, broccoli and brown rice. Eating late because I wasn't really hungry. No snack this morning. Developing a headache tho. And really fighting exhaustion - moreso than earlier this week.

Not going to exercise which means I'll be light on the exercise this week. I think its more important to see if I'm sick and get better than to push the exercise if I feel like this.

Day 39 - Wednesday

Some days I get so fed up with fighting with Justin.  I don't know if it's because he's been staying home all day with the kids or what, but he's been snappish, or I've been snappish, and I'm just aggravated with him.  Some days I feel like I can't do anything right with him.  And that makes me want to eat.  I can't wait until we move, I think the time apart will do us some good, though it'll be difficult for him to get his paperwork done for the Oklahoman.

Went over calories to 1303 (I measured everything out still, just ate more than I normally do).  I should have skipped my evening snack, but I've gotten to where I want to eat 6x a day.  I'm not getting more ice cream, I'll have something else.  That'll make it easier to skip the evening snack.  I've turned my food addiction to the sugar free ice cream bars.  At least I've been limiting myself to one a night, but that's faint consolation.

Water was spot on.  I should have exercised today, but it was so cold at work, I used it as an excuse.  If I decide to exercise 4x this week, I'll add a walk around the mall on Saturday.  I'm sure my duckie boy would enjoy a ride on the choo-choo at the end. 

Falling asleep at the keyboard, maybe I won't stay awake until 11:30 after all.  Laterness and g'night.

Day 39 - keeping at it

About the only thing I might change the rest of this week is to cut back on my calories (from 1200 to 1000) and exercise 3 days instead of 4. The exercise depends on the weather. The wind chill should be around 20 below today but up to 30 by Friday.

Oh and to my dear friend on the MUD if you find this blog, I'm posting right now by MMS so nyah :)

I'm really just wishing I could go back to bed. I got a 'normal' amount of sleep last night and I'm ready for a nap already. The clinic wasn't open when I was supposed to have my appointment so I didn't go. Instead its rescheduled for tomorrow.

No exercise but cut a bit out of my lunch (only half a pita instead of a whole) and my afternoon snack (half a sheet of graham cracker with my pb). I'm drinking decaf tea to warm up but may get a soda in a bit. Laterness.

Day 38 - Snow Day

I'm a bit late posting today.  I spent the day playing Facebook games, cuddling with the kids and crocheting.  I will admit I'm a bit low on fluids, I think I only managed about 135 oz instead of 146 like I'm supposed to be for the challenge.  Yea, I was 11 oz short.  Not the end of the world, but I feel like I let myself down.  Especially since the email saying the challenge has ended, it's not like I'm letting anyone else down, right?  Whatever.

This post may be a bit negative, I just posted a bunch of stuff on another blog, but I'm kinda pissy since the email from Allan that the challenge is ended.  I'm worried that my drive will fail if I don't have a weekly weigh in that needs to be emailed to someone.

First off, food was on plan.  Water, as I said, about 11 oz short.  Usually, I more than surpass the water, and even if I stay home again tomorrow I'll do better.

I'm a bit pissy about the whole challenge thing.  Just because a handful of the 50 someodd people aren't following the rules - and it's stated in the beginning that we MUST follow the rules - and they're upset that they're going to be kicked out of the challenge... it's ended?  just like that?  Screw that.  I'm sorry, but if I'm told that I have to follow the rules or as closely as possible and I don't do it, I'll expect to get kicked out.  Heck, I even said below that I was worried about getting kicked out simply because I'm not losing fast enough, and I'm following as closely to the plan as I can.  WTF? 

I've stated repeatedly that this blog is for me.  I'll say flat out that my anger and negativity have made parts of it painful to reread.  When I've gone back, I've deleted stuff.  There's a lot going on in my life that I don't post.  I try not to post money worries, because I know we have it better than we did, and I'm slowly digging us out of the hole that we got in between Justin being unemployed with no unemployment (not once, but twice), and the head-in-the-sand approach we took to some bills.  We have a ways to go, but we have breathing room now.  There are other worries I try not to post... like my worry about my Marine.  I'm proud of him, but I worry about a lot related to him, and I miss him so terribly it's an ache some days.  I know I have to let him grow up, so I try to smile and hide the tears.

It's late, and I really should get some sleep.  The kittie girl may not have school tomorrow (we already got notice that school is closed), but I suspect I have work.  I think school is closed because of the wind chill forecast around -15 degrees more than anything.  Laterness and g'night.