Dunh dunh dunh

So Justin has been loosely following the meals. Its just easier to cook the same thing for both of us. He has been losing weight too, not as fast as me but he's down almost 25 lbs so he's not much behind me. Its nice to be able to stand closer to him when we kiss with both of us a bit smaller.

Yesterday he had fasting bloodwork done. Today he said his cholesterol is down to 159 and his triglycerides are down a lot from the 3000 they were at for the last test (I didn't get the exact number for his triglycerides). He and I are both happy with these numbers.

Day 96 - Almost there

I'm running on empty today. I'm just exhausted and not sure why. Maybe I didn't get to bed early enough. I know I didn't sleep well. I heard Justin's alarm go off and thought it was mine. I also had a 2 year old in bed with me all night.

Food has been on plan, though I had tea instead of coffee this morning and had honey in my tea. I had the same amount of calories as I do with coffee and nondairy creamer, but I feel like I didn't do well with using honey. I kinda hoped that since its local honey it'd help with my allergies. I'll go the rest of the week drinking tea and rethink it later.

The writing got done last night, tho I need to do better at reading the directions since I had to rewrite part of the article when I thought I was done.

Thinking I might go for a walk this afternoon - after the stupid department conference call. Its 61 and sunny right now. I need more sunshine to help my mood.

Day 95 - Double blah

I've got to finish that stupid article I was working on last night.  I had 200 of 300 words done and navigated away from the page to check something.  So of course, all of my work is gone. 

I just want to go to bed.  I'm tired and semi-depressed.  A friend of mine is going through a rough time, and I feel bad I can't help her right now because things aren't that much better for us.  At least I get WIC and something the schools do here.. they send home these food packs for the low income kids.  Since we qualify for free lunches, we qualify for this.  It's stuff I wouldn't normally buy, single serve cereal, milk and juice, plastic tubs of applesauce and green beans, cereal bars and trail mix, sometimes Vienna sausages and small cans of pork and beans.  My daughter's teacher knows we have a 2 year old as well, so she sends home a double set of these bags.  I think the city calls them 'Food 4 Kids' or something like that.  I hate how the city advertises that it's for kids who would otherwise go hungry, because I wouldn't let the kids go hungry. 

Anyway, I'm obviously procrastinating the article I NEED to write tonight, so I'd best take out my contacts and focus.  Exercise happened and food and water were on plan.  Laterness & g'night.

Blah

I'm ready to go home. I emailed the dear friend I was worried about and he's been out of town. Silly of me to worry :P

I texted my Marine with a question and had to laugh. He has a Blackberry but called because 'it was too much typing.'

Anyway not much to say here, I'm just hungry today and trying to remind myself that hunger isn't bad.

Day 95 - Are you some kind of hypnotist?

On to an OK band - The Flaming Lips. All of their songs remind me of an old friend who died in 2006 - he was from OKC originally and knew some of the same people as The Flaming Lips. I really miss my friend some days - he and his wife were some of my closest friends. He believed in my programming and design skills when I didn't believe in myself. He would have turned 40 this April - 2 weeks before I turn 40. He left behind a wife who had been a stay at home mom and 3 kids under 10. His youngest was just 3 when he died. His oldest was 9 - he died 4 months before her 10th birthday and 4 days before his anniversary. Since he died of complications related to Crohn's, I can't really say its weight related but ... I think I'm missing him so much because I need his advice.

Food so far is on plan. The smoothie this morning was surprisingly good if a touch sweet. I haven't done the popcorn yet, but the almost Waldorf salad is ready for lunch. LOL I'm calling it that because of the lack of grapes and addition of tuna. Justin tasted it this morning and said it was good.

I'm not really hungry but am eating the salad before I go walk. Its time to get away from my desk. Past the time if the crap I'm overhearing over my headphones is any indication. Negativity breeds negativity.

Day 94 - Relaxation and sleep

My stomach is feeling a bit better tonight, though I didn't manage to eat most of my food today.  Oh well.  My dinner salad is mostly still in the bowl.  I did eat the chicken, and it's sitting fine.  I ate some of the salad, it's sitting okay as well.  I took a long nap with my 2 year old today.  I'd feel a bit bad about it, but anything to make me feel better.  I still need to do my strength exercises.  I hate the day that I'm on for exercises.  It's all good except for the single leg lift and squat.  That one is still extremely hard for me to do.

Took a long bath today too.  I figured I'd see if the stomach issues were stress related.  Apparently they were.  Great, I can't exactly stop going to work.  I guess that's just the final straw.  I've got an article I need to write tonight, then I need to evaluate what I should be doing.  Obviously the deadline I gave myself of getting out of there by the end of April is going to have to become more important.

So, other than going light on the food, everything is on plan.  I'll get through the rest of this.  God is in control.

Anyway, this article I took is extremely difficult, so I'd best write it and get it over with.  I need to prove to myself that I can write the more difficult articles.  Laterness & g'night.

Day 94 - Again?!

So apparently the stomach thing that I thought I was over isn't actually gone.  I had to make numerous trips to the bathroom this morning when I first got up, so I called in sick.  I'm hoping that resting today will help.  I'll still try to stay on plan, but may not eat everything.  We'll see what happens.  I know the crackers with lunch will be helpful.  Breakfast was an English muffin and a cup of fruit, so I had a banana (hey that's fruit LOL).  I'm drinking coffee, but am thinking that might not have been the best idea.  I've got my gallon of water on the counter and am all set for the day.

So since I was on Facebook earlier, I got a message from a friend I haven't seen in years and years.  We went to church together when growing up.  He's the son of the couple I called a couple of Sundays ago.  So he and I have been talking and catching up on what's been happening.

I got some really encouraging news from Textbroker last night (the company I've been writing for lately).  When I first applied, they set my classification at 3, which is what they do for 'good' writers.  Last night, I got an email that they evaluated the first 2 articles I wrote, and upgraded my classification to 4, which is 'excellent' writer.  The only thing higher is 5, which is professional writers.  I get paid more as my classification goes higher, so that's always a good thing.  Of course, the higher paying articles require more research.  It's all good, once I get better at it it'll be easier.

Day 93 - Monday

So it's 56 days into the Phase 5 Challenge and I'm only 15 lbs down.  I'm kinda feeling a bit like I'm letting myself down.  I'm trying to increase my exercise and really watch what I eat.  The weight will come off, just slower than I want.

Food was on plan today.  So were water and exercise.  I'm a bit hungry, but I've got some writing to do then I'm headed to bed early.  Hopefully I can get the article done quickly.  If so I'll be over 1/3 of the way toward my writing goal by the 5th.  I have some stuff that needs to be renewed, and I need to buckle down and get to writing so I can get paid for it.  I also need to actually write more than 2 articles a week lol.  I'll get there.  Posted to Facebook tonight about counting my blessings.  I'm trapped in a job I hate, and away from my sister and parents, but I've got 3 great kids and a husband who loves me - even if he doesn't show it most of the time.  Plenty of blessings for me to count there.

Laterness & g'night.

Day 93 - I can see God's fingerprints

Actually the line is 'I can see the fingerprints of God' but MMS has a maximum field size, and that's just too long. I'm at work but am having computer issues. They changed my domain the week before last but not everyone's domain. So today I'm getting more issues and can't check my email. I got the message to reboot and its coming up normally albeit slowly.

I wasn't happy with breakfast this morning. I didn't notice the suggested cooking time and I assume it was supposed to be old fashioned oats. I had to drink the oatmeal because it was way too thin. All I have is the quick cooking stuff. Oh well. I'll live.

Kinda tired today. It's going to be a long day. So far everything is on plan and I'm no longer nauseous. My gallon of water is sitting here next to me not quite half done. I'm working at clearing off my desk.

Walking is getting ready to happen as I'm typing (heading downstairs now). I will be hungry this afternoon but that's gonna happen on a diet.

Day 92 - A Day of Rest

So it's a good thing I got my lunch before Justin.  Today's lunch is tuna salad with saltines.  I didn't have any more pouches of tuna, and he loves eating tuna like this.  I've gotta go grocery shopping later, I'll just have to pick up more tuna.  I needed it anyway for the rest of the week. 

Church today helped a whole lot with my peace of mind.  Funny how the sermon pretty much covered what's going on in my life.  And at least 2 people came up to me and said something about hope and putting one foot in front of the other. 

I hope I got enough of everything for this week.  I think I forgot to get more peaches.  Not sure I want to get peaches at Walmart anyway, and I got lazy and bought my groceries there this week.  Lazy as in it's cheaper to buy the sale items at the local grocery stores, but I didn't get the groceries until this evening because I wanted to wait and see what else I needed for this week's plan.

I got my walk in this evening after my nap and before dinner.  I ate on plan, and I'm actually hungry now for the first time in over a week.  I think I'm finally over whatever was wrong with my stomach.  I still have a cup of yogurt for a snack, and about 16 oz of water left.  Laterness & g'night.

Day 91 - Cool Runnings

I'm watching the movie Cool Runnings now.  I love this movie, and Doug E Doug cracks me up in it. 

I figured maybe a comedy would help me feel better.  My stomach is still bothering me.  I've been nauseous all day.  I've been nauseous for 2 days now.  I haven't thrown up, but that isn't much consolation.  I almost feel like if I threw up, I'd feel better.  I'm hoping it's stress and the laughter from the movie will help.  Besides, this is a feel good movie.  I love the ending, and maybe that'll help as well.  Who knows.

It was really strange eating ravioli today.  I haven't had it in ages and ages.  The sodium was a bit higher than I liked, but I figure that since I don't use much salt, it'll all work out.  What was funny was my kittie girl ate all of hers, but the duckie boy wouldn't touch his.  He took one look and pushed it away.  All he wanted was the whole wheat toast that Justin made for them before the bread was done.  I've got a really picky eater, but I'm working on him.  I did find a recipe for mac & cheese with squash hidden in it from the person who sends out the Saving Dinner newsletter - Leanne Ely.  I'll have to try that recipe.

Food on plan, though I didn't have the stuff for my salad this afternoon.  Money is tight since it's the end of the month.  I really need to write more so I have a bit extra to dip into for food and such.  Especially if we're getting new menus every week like this.  I will say that changing the locks on the boxes is the best thing we could have done.  We're collecting more every week than we were the week before.  Eventually it'll all match.  Last month, I calculated how much we should have collected based on sales and compared that number to the amount we actually did collect, and it was not even close. 

I'm starting to worry about a dear friend of mine.  He hasn't been on the MUD in a week from what I can tell, unless I've just missed him.  I know work has been very hectic for him, with several nights on call most of the night.  One of the drawbacks to being an IT person for a big bank.

Anyway, food on plan, as I said, though a bit low on my veggies.  Water/fluids on plan.  Today was a day off exercise, and I ended up taking a 3 hour nap.  I only meant to have a 1 hr nap, but Justin kept dozing in the living room.  Of course, on days that I get a nap, my weight doesn't go down right, so that kinda worries me but since I'm sick, I figured it'd all work out.  Of course, I can do everything right and my weight doesn't go down, so what can I do?  I have a friend who weighs every day to determine how hard she has to push that day.  If I do that, it'd drive me crazy.  I can do everything right, and my weight goes up the next morning.  I still haven't figured out a rhyme or reason for it.  And of course, tomorrow morning, I probably won't even see close to the 216 lbs that I saw Wednesday.  As long as it's down, I'm not going to stress over it.  I probably still have to have my thyroid adjusted.  It's so hard to tell when it's bothering me because I'm just off slightly.  But I know that the closer I get to the 50 mcg dose I was on before, the better I feel. 

Anyway, it's time for the actually Olympic competition on the movie, then I'm headed to bed.  Tomorrow I write as much as possible for Textbroker, I need to have at least $50 in my Paypal account by the 10th.  That's another $39 lol.  I'd love to do closer to $70 or even $100+ by then.  Laterness & g'night.

Day 90 - Negativity and the power of positive thinking

Kinda thinking of a post for my other blog finally.  I've had a few things going in circles in my mind.  I've got a big task ahead of me if I really want to start working from home.  It's not going to take much to replace my current income, not nearly what I know I can make with a little effort. 

Right now, I'm not feeling well.  I've been nauseous since I ate dinner.  Hopefully I feel better tomorrow.  I had a bit of trouble finding any Italian bread.  I need to look for some tomorrow or make Justin get some when he is out collecting from the boxes. 

Food, on plan.  I got all my water in, though a bit more diet soda than I should have.  My stomach has been off all day, so I had hoped the soda would calm my stomach.  It didn't work.  I got my exercise in at the mall after I got home from work but before I ate.

I've got a lot planned for this weekend, and it's late because I got caught up in an episode of NCIS while trying to get my duckie boy back to sleep.  Laterness & g'night.

Day 90 - TGIF

Today is going fast. Food is on plan so far. Exercise didn't happen at lunch, Justin and the duckie boy joined me for Taco Bell. My stomach is trying to figure out if its going to accept my lunch. Two hours later, the answer appears to be yes, but its not happy about it.

I'll go for a walk when I get home. I get more of a workout walking outside anyway.

Day 89 - A puddle paddle battle

Read Fox in Socks to the kids tonite.  Both of them love it, the kittie girl because she can read most of it and the duckie boy because he loves the pictures.

Food was on plan today.  I haven't had breakfast cereal in awhile.  Exercise or rather strength exercises are done on top of the 10 minute walk this morning.

Otherwise not much to say.  I spoke up at work about how I'm feeling about what is going on and what the passive aggressive coworker did - give me stuff to do tho it wasn't her job to do so.  She's just being herself, which is exactly what I said to the manager.  I still would love to be out of there by the end of April, though I'm feeling better about the work load. 

Got a message from an old friend on Facebook tonight.  I had sent a message wishing him a happy birthday, and his response put a smile on my face.  His responses always put a smile on my face.  I hope his wife didn't make it a miserable birthday for him.

It's time to sleep for sure.  Laterness & g'nite.

Day 90 - The boys of fall

I know this song is about football, but it makes me think of the soccer players at my high school (we didn't have a football team). It also makes me think of one of my classmates that died last year. I wasn't very close to him, but since our graduating class was only 108 people, and the school only around 400 students, we were in a lot of classes together.

The song also makes me think of my Marine, who was a football player and is a computer geek just like his mama.

I almost called in sick today. I just don't want to be here. Its taking a lot of energy just to walk to the printer. Bah humbug.

I'm focusing on work but its about time for my break. I'm taking it one minute at a time and I'll get through this. I went for a walk to clear my mind. I'll do the same this afternoon.

To deal with what we're being told, I emailed the internal customer that I'm having to put off and said we were given a project with a deadline of tomorrow so that project has to come first. I cc'd the manager that is over promising and haven't gotten a response from anyone.

This weekend I focus on what I need to do to start web copywriting. I'll add my brother's menu to his website and get the hosting set up on my hosting account.

My goal is to be gone from this job by the end of April. I found out one of my coworkers put in for another job, one with the city. He should get it since he has the experience. I don't blame him for leaving, but I hate to see him go. He's one of the few I can talk to about what's going on and know it won't go any further. The other two I can talk to are staying for now, but I know they're both looking elsewhere. One of them is the woman who used to be my supervisor.

One of the other departments in the building is having a pot luck with Braums ice cream. Yesterday was cake and ice cream for one of the people that's leaving the company - the HR person. I'm skipping it all but I was only tempted by the cake.

Who knows what day it is? LOL

So I'm going to actually do some counting tomorrow when I have access to the Julian date again.  I want to figure out how many days this really is.  88 sounds right now, with day 91 being Saturday.  Saturdays are a multiple of 7.

On plan today, though I was having texture issues with the veggies tonight.  The stir fry blend I had in the freezer had water chestnuts and little corn cobs.  On the other hand, I loved the beans and rice.  LOL  Beans are one of the things I've been missing since I started this.  Tomorrow's burritos sound even better.  Oh yea, and the raisin bran that I bought for my breakfast. 

I'm trying to figure work things out and just doing a lot of praying.  My boss is putting all of her workers in a no-win situation.  She's giving us too much work and we're having to drop everything and work on projects coming from the company we merged with.  Then when we get complaints because the other work isn't done, we'll be told we weren't told to put off this other work.  I spoke to the woman who used to be our supervisor, and she said I wasn't wrong in thinking that we're going to be hung out to dry.  I've been planning on sticking around until the end of June, but I'm seriously wishing I could find a way to quit sooner.  Part of me is afraid I'm going to end up written up for not getting everything done.  I am going to start going downstairs for a break in the morning and afternoon, punches, kicks whatever I need to do to clear my mind.  Or maybe walks outside now that it's getting nice.

Food was on plan.  Other than the diet Coke I had this morning to wash the taste of the peach out of my mouth, fluids were all good.  Exercise happened like it was supposed to, though I was feeling a bit light headed when I was walking.  I just need to be sure that I keep pushing myself this week, my weight this morning was 2 lbs down from Sunday, if I continue at this rate I should be down at least 4 lbs, maybe 5. 

I'm exhausted from crying over work, so I'm gonna get some sleep.  Laterness & g'night.

One extreme to the other...

I gotta say I enjoyed the bacon this morning. I don't often get it because its so expensive.

All was good until I went to eat my peach. Two bites in I taste something off. I looked at the peach in my hand and something seemed wrong with it - a big spot where there shouldn't be. So I ran for the break room and spit out the bite in my mouth and broke the peach open. There was mold where the peach pit touched the fruit. I had to get a soda - or at least something stronger tasting than water. Can you say eww?

Other than not finishing my peach, I'm on plan. I'm not feeling well, TOM is taking its toll on me. I'm still gonna go for a walk at lunch, but I'd rather take a nap

Day 87 - Going backward in time

Not really. I'm trying to figure out where I came up with the Day 88 last time. I was looking at the Julian date at work, so I guess I just miscounted from the Julian date for yesterday.

The song I listened to this morning, the lyrics that really hit me this morning are:

Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the price is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause there's no second try
So live like you're never living twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life

 What's worth the price is always worth the fight.  Something to think about.  Every second counts.  It's got me wondering why I'm wasting my time in a job that makes me miserable.  I'm going to focus on my energy on finding another job, preferably something I can work from home so I get more time with my kids.  As I've found with my Marine, life passes way too quickly.  I want to have a job where I can take a vacation with the kids.  A trip to the zoo.  A trip to a theme park with kiddie rides.

Food was a bit low, I didn't eat everything on the plan.  I'm a bit nauseous tonight.  Not sure if it's from my allergies or TOM that still hasn't started.  No, I'm not pregnant LOL.  I'm going to go to bed early, as soon as What Not to Wear is done.  Watching something different tonight.  I've seen the episode that's on Criminal Minds on ION several times already, and CBS is news.  Besides, I want to know how to dress nicely once I've lost the weight.  I know I shouldn't wait until then, but I'm not going to shell out a lot of money for clothes until I hit goal.

I just saw a commercial for Extreme Couponing.  I heard people at work talking about this.  It's got me wondering what kind of light they show for this.  It's something I did for awhile, and I've got some deals to run this Friday once I get paid.  I do need to find my coupons for the deal I want to do. 

So I'm getting sidetracked.  I'm likely to start getting wordy with writing for money again.  It's all good.  I did some calculations.  If I can make at least $50 a week, I'll actually be able to pay some of the bills I need paid and put a lot back into my moving fund.  The more I make, the more I get to put back.  $75 a week would get me more than $700 more in my moving fund, close to $1k if I decide not to get something that I've been looking at for 4 years, but this program that I'm looking at would help me work from home.  Even $700 is a good amount.  Add in what we'll be able to add from the paper route, and the moving fund is looking healthier.  Yee haw.  :)

I'm having issues losing weight from my stomach this time around.  Everything is tight around the waist, and loose in the hips.  That's just not me.  It's stress that's keeping me from losing the inches in my waist, so I need to focus on that too.  I didn't do any jumping jacks tonight, but I did the rest of my strength exercises.  I will admit that skipping all of dinner except for the fish has my stomach feeling better.  Tension Tamer tea, punches and kicks when I go walk... I need to focus on all of the stress relievers that I can.  Then I need to give the rest to God.

Anyway, the reveal is done on WNTW, and I'm ready for bed.  Laterness & g'night.

It's not too late to shoot for the stars

Put a Nickelback song on my mp3 player that I've never heard before. If Today Was Your Last Day. It's food for thought. I'll have to post some of the lyrics tonight.

Following day 17 today. I'm kinda looking forward to the new menus tomorrow, tho I really need to buy more of the food. At least Friday is payday. That's the day for Taco Bell too.

I'm getting pretty desperate for a new job. I am trying to take it day by day but the mess here is getting harder to deal with. I really need to start playing the powerball or something.

Strength exercises tonight. I did 20 jumping jacks this morning and will do another set of at least 30 tonight. I just need to change into a sports bra. That's why I only did 20 this morning.

I want to get a bit of knitting done to relax before going back.

An Ego Boost

I have mixed feelings about the challenge right now. I'd love to win, but I'm feeling frustrated and ... dunno. I'm not ready to quit, I just feel like I'm being considered a slacker, though I am trying. Maybe increasing my exercise will at least get me below 190 by June. With as far as everyone is toward their goals, I'm not expecting to win the prize. I'm more interested in my weight. It'd certainly be interesting to be around 150-160 lbs when my sister in law gets married in August. She'd have major problems with it, but she was trying and just couldn't stick to a healthy plan. Something about thinking that Alfredo sauce is healthy just seems a bit odd to me...

I bought enough food to start the plan Wednesday as instructed and get through Saturday morning. I'll get paid again on Friday, so I can buy the rest of the food then. I barely had enough for what I did buy. Oh well, that's just life. I'm rich in what's important.

Speaking of rich (the site I designed was for my brother Richard), he called asking me to send him the logo I drew for his site. He really likes it. That made me feel good.

And yesterday, Justin's grandfather came over for a minute and he noticed that I've lost weight. That made me feel good too. Two things that helped with an ego boost.

I'm back taking my B vitamin complex, though I have to take it at night. It really helps me with my mood swings, so I need to make sure I take it and buy more when I'm out. It's about time for another one of those swings into the dark :P I don't mean to be treating them lightly, just TOM and finances get to me. It's really not all that bad, and we have enough to pay what we need to pay. It's all good, and I'm rebuilding the moving fund. Between going easy on the money from the paper route, and writing extra at night, it'll go back up. I have to find more writing income though, something more than 1 cent a minute. I'm looking for more to apply for.

Everything was on plan. It's a quiet night, and after 11 pm. I'd best get to bed, as it is I don't want to get up for work tomorrow. LOL wonder why that is?

Laterness & g'night.

Day 88 - Just Another Monday

Color me thrilled to be at work - not. Bah humbug.

Food is on plan. It was nice to take allergy medication this morning that actually worked. The stuff Justin has at home just doesn't work for me. So I need to bring some of the other home, right?

I got my exercise plus 30 or so punches and 20 various TKD kicks each leg - front, round, side. My stress level went down with the punches and kicks but its back up again.

Gonna make some tea...

Day 85 - Ahh-choo!

My allergies have been bugging me all weekend. They weren't as bad yesterday, but it rained most of the day. Today, I've been sniffling all day. I got aggravated with Justin for teasing me (he's just very big on being a pest most days), and said something about my allergies bugging me so I wasn't in the mood and I couldn't wait to go back to work so I could take some allergy medication. He told me we had some. Well I've been sniffling all day, so why didn't you say something sooner. Since I normally leave my medication at work, and he's asked for some recently, I didn't think he had any here.

Anyway, my weight loss for the week was a disappointing 1 lb. I've lost so little in the month of March, it's discouraging. Other than the little bit of cake on Thursday, I haven't gone off plan. I've been following the exercise plan. And I'm down all of 5 lbs in 3 weeks. I may go to the Zumba classes at church on Tuesday and Thursday evening. Yes, I'm increasing my exercise. I pushed myself for my walk today. Though I had to tighten my belt before I walked for 3 minutes lol.

I think it's TOM right now too. It's hard to tell. I was regular, but since I started on my thyroid medication, I have been off. I started a few days early last month. I should start this week. That may be why my weight was up from what I weighed on Tuesday. Tuesday's weight would have put me at a touch over 2 lbs lost this week. Oh well, just keep my head down and keep going.

On plan today, I followed day 16, the low-carb one with chicken and white fish. Though, I will say that tilapia doesn't pan fry very well. Since I don't bread it, I think half of the 4 oz of fish ended up stuck to the pan. It always does. I just scrape out what I can and figure that's good enough.

I need to finish my brother's website, and write at least one or two articles tonight. Laterness & g'night.

Day 84 - Accomplishments

My brother's site is designed but not put together. I like the logo, but I'm not sure I like any of the rest of it. I'll look at it when I get it on an actual website tomorrow and if I'm still unhappy with it, I download free trials of the programs I need to make it how I want. Plus some fonts because my font selection on this computer SUCKS big time. I'm getting ready to start being busy all the time. I'll be writing as much as possible in my spare time to augment our income. We need the money, and most of it's going to be going toward our moving fund.

I get like this at this time of year. I do it again in September/October. Or I used to, until my best friend died in October 2006. And I stopped doing web design at all for a few years. I met him when I was working for a web design company in Branson. We actually worked well together, he was awesome at designs and I was great at programming the back end. Not to say that I'm not great at design, but his designs were inspired. And he pushed me to be better at mine. I think that's why I'm not entirely happy with my design. It needs a tweak, so I may just find a font and download the programs I want before I start chopping up the file.

Anyway, food on plan. I did my usual Saturday thing of pizza for dinner. The duckie boy asked for toast with peanut butter. Since he normally devours my pizza, I gave him what he wanted. I don't think he was feeling well tonight. I bought a gallon jug so I can better measure my water at home. Water on plan. The only real exercise was shopping today. I'm glad Allan is giving us a week to buy groceries for the next one. Sometimes grocery purchases are a struggle, and I always do my shopping on Saturday.

It's almost 11:30 and I so need to get some sleep. I've got some full days coming up, and this design for my brother is going to be part of my portfolio when I redesign my website. All the more reason to get it exactly how I want it. Laterness & g'night.

Day 83 - The more I drink, the more I drink, the more I drink

I'm starting to go through more water during the day. I guess pushing the water and having it handy is just the best solution overall. I need to buy a couple more boxes of tea or something, and a bottle for water for me at home. I need to have it handy at home too.

I've noticed that I have more energy lately. I'm not sure if it's that the thyroid medication is working or if it's the lower weight. Either way, I'm enjoying it. My daughter was reading Fox in Socks tonight. She's learning to read. It's a good thing I have the book memorized or I wouldn't get any peace. She has to ask what some of the words are still. Her speech is getting clearer as well.

Food, on plan today. Exercise, the 20 minutes on the exercise plan, plus 20 or 30 punches and 20 front kicks (10 each leg). The punches and kicks helped with the stress more than the walking. Thinking I might start with a few jumping jacks as well. At least until the new information comes from Allan on Feb 28.

Gonna try to get at least 10 articles done this weekend for Textbroker. That should be plenty on top of the design work for my brother, and taking care of the kids. Any money I can earn will go toward replenishing the moving fund. Everything will improve, I'm just going to have to bust my butt while at home. Which kinda sucks when work stress is so hard, but it's all for a good cause. Heck, if I can earn enough, I'll quit my full time job and just write. That'd be cool, and I wouldn't have to worry about daycare expenses once we move and Justin gets a job. And I could watch my nephew too and save my sister a bit of money.

I am gonna go game or something for stress relief. Laterness & g'night.

Day 83 - Its raining in Baltimore

Just another blah day where my stress is through the roof. One minute at a time, that's all I can do. I walked early to try to destress. I don't know its going to work but I refuse to start another binge. I added in a few TKD punches & kicks for a bit of extra stress relief.

I finished the last writing application last night and got an email today saying I was approved. My brother reminded me yesterday that I need to work on his website. I had forgotten, so that one comes before mine. No big deal I have it mostly designed in my head so I just need to get it up. He'll work with me on the content.

Anyway its back to work for me.

Day 84 - Stress Relief

I have wanted to binge all afternoon. I was fine this morning, but as the day progressed, work got worse and my stress level went up. So, first, I had 6 bites of cake. I stopped myself at 6 and got mad at myself. I'm still mad at myself since I know damn well that that'll slow my weight loss. Instead, as soon as Justin got home from his grandfather's house where he went to fix the computer, I went outside in the parking lot at the park across the street, and alternately ran/jogged and walked for between 10 and 12 minutes. This is in addition to the 20 minute walk that I got at lunch time since I went out to enjoy the 80 degree sunshine. I really pushed myself on the run/walk and my legs are tired. I still need to get my strength exercises in tonight. I'm not counting this as exercise during the week. I'm counting this as trying to make up for the crappy food I had.

Food otherwise was on plan. Water was over 128 oz. I haven't even had my 1 can of diet soda a day since Tuesday. Not much, but I tend to drink it when I'm stressed. I really need to increase the tea. I've got green tea, and Earl Grey tea, as well as 'Tension Tamer' and Honey Vanilla Chamomile, peach and black cherry. Hmm I've got a lot of tea at my desk, yet I turn to soda. I think I might do the Earl Grey tea tomorrow.

Anyway, I'm gonna knit some and then go to bed. Hopefully the knitting helps me destress too. All I can do is keep trying. Laterness & g'night.

Its good to be me

Some Uncle Cracker this morning. Or Aerosmith, tho Dude Looks Like a Lady is so overdone. Or maybe Miranda Lambert and Everybody Dies Famous in a Small Town. Yea so my taste in music is rather eclectic. The Celtic stuff that's so appropriate today doesn't always have lyrics, tho I do like Scalliwag.

I just decided I need to do my 10 minute walk in the morning & afternoon starting this week. I walked a block to where I was supposed to meet someone from freecycle. My thighs felt that little walk. I think its because I can't take long steps on the treadmill. The extra walking won't hurt, I'm not gonna go as far as I did during my walks for the walking challenge we did last year. Plus I sit at a desk all day.

No little smokies today, instead the person who usually makes them made sauerkraut and sausage. Since I forgot my blueberries with breakfast, I had fruit salad and 3 strawberries. I'm going for a walk soon tho its not on the exercise plan. I need a break from this yummy smelling office.

2 seasons - Winter & mud season

I'm homesick for northern Vermont today. I haven't been there since 2002 and would just like to visit a few days. I want to see my old babysitter. She's been lonely and I heard that she's been sick.

I'd also like to see a kid I used to babysit. He's 26 now but wasn't expected to live to see 20 because of his cystic fibrosis.

I want to go hiking with my kids and show Burlington's Church Street Marketplace to Justin.

Day 81 - I just made you say under where

More Bare Naked Ladies today. Catchy lyrics, catchy melody.

I forgot my phone at home yesterday, so no posting during the day. Then it slipped my mind because last night was hectic. One of the neighborhood girls saw my daughter when we got home from Justin & the kids picking me up from work. She just walked inside when we did. Her sister came by a bit later. I let them stay for a bit then walked them home to introduce myself to their mother. Scary that she was just wandering the neighborhood at 5. I don't let my daughter far out of my sight outside.

Food yesterday was on plan - day 2. Today I'm doing day 3. Not because I do them in order but because we have leftover pasta to eat up.

Walking now. So that'll be over with. I need to stop with the soda, even diet soda. I retain water and really notice it. Otherwise another boring day in my life. Tomorrow is a pot luck. I'm bringing cake. There will be other opportunities for cake so no danger there. I'll have food on plan after I decide what day to follow.

Who Am I?

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?  Actually, who are you not to be?  You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world.  There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.  We are all meant to shine, as children do.  We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.  It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone.  And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.  As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
~ Marianne Williamson

I'll admit, I'm scared.  But, not only have my taxes been finished and e-filed, but they've been accepted by the IRS.  It'll take them several weeks to process them because I have to file an injured spouse claim, but the first step has been made.  I'm scared.  I want to move, but I'm scared of the unknown.  It's no longer just my Marine and I moving around (which we did a lot of, unfortunately), but it's a family of 4.  I CAN do this.

Food, was on plan, though I didn't finish my salad with dinner.  The dressing was just too strong, so I gave it to Justin to finish. 

I got the exercise I needed to destress at lunch.  I also got in a few punches, I just need to get one of those standing body shaped punching bags.  One of these days... I'll get back into TKD once I'm below 180 too.  I had been losing steadily until I hit brown belt, then after testing for my brown belt, I was asked what my weight loss goal was before I hit black belt.  I had a bunch of personal stuff hit at the same time.  I didn't end up carrying through on the additional 40 lbs I wanted to lose.  I was 208 lbs back then. I loved TKD and want to start taking those classes again.  I think Justin would like them too.

Half an hour before bedtime and I've got some more research to do.  Laterness & g'night.

**Edit: I'm not creating a new post for this update. I've got the application completed for About.Com. It's in the review queue, but may take a long time to review. The next article will be tomorrow. G'night.

Non weight goals updated

1) Get a new freaking job.
2) Write those 2 articles tonight.
3) Website finished this week

I'm not sure how much longer I can handle dealing with the pissy people in my department. Morale is low and I'm sick of dealing with the person who has the worst morale in the department. Blogging is better than strangling her, right? Bah humbug

I keep reminding myself my goal is to be gone by the end of June at the latest. I can handle a max of 3.5 months... I hope.

Day 79 - the power of PI

Not to be confused with pie.

Food is on plan, I chose a day I've never done before to shake things up. Bagel for breakfast, burger for lunch. Dinner will be shrimp & pasta.

Scale shows down almost another lb today from yesterday's weigh in. It'll be interesting to see how Sunday's weigh in will be. I just stepped on the scale for a group I post to on SparkPeople.

Walking now so I'll post final stats tonight.

Day 78 - It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine

LOL for some reason tonight, SyFy has a bunch of end of the world type movies on.  Earlier was The Core.  Now it's Earthstorm.  Next it's Black Hole.  I'm not planning on staying up much longer.  I got done what I wanted to do.  My taxes have officially been e-filed.  Not getting back as much as I had hoped, but hey every little bit can go to my moving fund.

Food was on plan today.  I did have to change my shopping trip up some though.  Instead of shopping at Walmart or going back to finish my shopping at one of the local grocery stores that has more selection, I got a bunch of my food at Aldi.  The frozen fruit is cheaper, by a lot.  For $3.49, I got a 2 lb bag of frozen fruits.  I even noticed they have romaine hearts for next time.  I did have to go to Walmart for my ice cream for the shakes, but I've got everything I need to get through the week and I walked out of Aldi with 2 big bags of groceries for a bit under $40.  All I forgot was frozen veggies, but I have 3 bags of them in the freezer.  It's just mixed veggies, like a bag labeled asparagus stir fry.  I'll live, and at least it's close to what I need.  I'll also need to buy a couple of loaves of bread.  The bread store changed their hours and I didn't realize it.  Oops, they're now closed Sunday.

Food, on plan.  I got a walk in today, though I wish I had walked more.  I just ran out of time when I sat down to review and finish my tax return.  I didn't expect it to take over 3 hours to do.  Speaking of which, it's now 11:30, so I'd best get to bed or I won't want to get up in the morning.  I want to quit my job, but I don't want to be fired.  Laterness & g'night.

Day 78 - In the heat of the early morning, on a hill they called the Skull

Petra this morning, or at least that's what's been running through my head all morning.  Beat the System.  Interesting song, or at least I think so.

Making a few changes to my blog simply because some of the people that have my blog's address may not have Google accounts or care to log in.  I have one dear friend who prefers to comment almost anonymously even to my other blog.  Speaking of which, after I get a few more groceries, I need to post to my other blog.  I've had a few things going through my head lately, and a page that I've had bookmarked to post about and just haven't done it.

Down 2 lbs and a bit this week to 219 even.  That puts me at 24 lbs gone since Christmas.  It could be better, but I'm still pretty happy with that amount.  I have already said I know I won't win the contest, but I can't wait to be under 200 lbs.  I haven't seen a 1xx number since I was in college in '94.  Then I started MUDding and binging because of my ex throwing me across the room and all the emotional crap he was putting out on me.  Stuff I'm still dealing with, though I don't admit it much. 

I may be almost 40, but I've noticed that my style is changing.  Hmm well not really changing, it's reverting back to what it was when I was lighter.  I'll have to see if I can find the clothes that I used to fit into.  Most of those should be okay for work.  I may look on clearance at Ross too.  I've been considering a part time job there simply for the discount, but I've put it off because I could easily spend my whole check there LOL.  Not really, I'm not that much of a shopping person.  When I worked at TJ Maxx, I didn't buy all that much, just a few things once a month or so, even with my Marine being a newborn and needing a lot of clothes since he grew so fast.  Of course, he was wearing size 3-6 months before he was 6 weeks old.  Something to do with being over 9 lbs when he was born. 

Anyway, I need to get my groceries so I can get a few other things done.  My stepson is here right now too.

Day 77 - Fire and ice, a touch of spring and Robin Hood

The poem Fire and Ice by Robert Frost is running through my head tonight, but I didn't want to put that as the title of my post because I didn't want anyone to get the wrong idea.  After all, 'Some say the world will end in fire, some say in ice.'

Spring is in the air here in OK, it was close to 70 today.  It's been running warm lately.  That's always a welcome change.  In a few weeks, I'll be able to walk outside at lunch if I decide to.  It's much easier to go on the treadmill though. 

Tonight, for the first time, I watched Robin Hood with Russell Crowe and Cate Blanchett.  It's definitely a different take on the typical Robin Hood movie, but after getting confused at first, I decided I really liked it.  So did Justin.

Food yesterday ended on plan.  It was hard, teeth and toenails hard, but I did it. 

Today, food was on plan.  We even walked the mall a bit when shopping for a birthday gift for the party my daughter went to.  The party was at the local discovery museum.  When I picked my daughter up, she said that her birthday party was going to be there.  Umm nice of you to make plans since you want your whole class to come to the party.  That'll be fun.

I'm yawning a bit, so I may decide to go to bed early.  Especially with the time change.  Laterness & g'night.

Stay gold, Ponyboy

Instead of indulging on my cravings, I went down to use the treadmill. Also did a few TKD punches. Food today will be spelled out for me.

Breakfast oatmeal with 1 tsp brown sugar. I forgot my oj I'll have that tonight. Coffee w/coffeemate

Snack 1 c milk, 1 c strawberries as a smoothie

Lunch 1 oz turkey on 2 light bread, mustard, med apple

Snack: salad w/2 tbsp reduced fat dressing

Sugar free gum as needed
Water

Day 76 - Life just goes on...

I'm actually thinking of the Stevie Ray Vaughn song Living Life by the Drop which to me means we should enjoy every minute and every drop of happiness...

A friend of mine lives in NZ and her hubby is in Japan last I heard. Thinking of both of them and praying.

I am so wanting fries today. Hot, salty, greasy and so bad for me. If I don't have fries, I'd settle for peanut butter cups. Of course just one peanut butter cup wouldn't be enough. Stress is really getting to me. I'm such a stress eater. I figured it'd get easier. It really hasn't. Only willpower keeps me on track. Not even the challenge keeps me on track, I don't expect to win. I'm losing too slow for what I should be losing. My body just doesn't cooperate. Big surprise there.

Day 75 - Another day for you and me in paradise

I started to post at lunch through MMS like I always do.  But honestly, it just didn't seem all that important to say that I was on plan and nothing else.  Not much going on in my life, except my boss is doing something that I consider a power grab.  She wants us to take over everything that might possibly fall under what we used to do.  It's giving us way too much work, though I'm refusing to eat over it.  Then add in that an important program isn't working correctly.  This morning, I couldn't log in at all.  After working with IT and the company that puts out the program, I was able to log in.  About an hour later, I couldn't login to the program again.  A different error this time.  I emailed IT again, but had to find something else to do the rest of the afternoon.

Food was on plan.  I did my strength exercises.  Water was above 128 oz.  All in all everything was on track, except I didn't do my extra walking the stairs at lunch. 

I'm trying to get my tax return done, but am planning on going to bed in about 30 minutes, so I may not get it all the way done tonight.  At least I'll get it started.  I found tuna steaks at one of the grocery stores in town.  I'm sure they're not fresh, but I don't remember seeing any at Wal-Mart, and the price was about what Wal-Mart charges for salmon.  It'll make something different for dinner.  I'm getting sick of the same old thing.  I was going to do day 18 or whatever one had the quesadilla tomorrow, but I don't have any cheerios, or mandarin oranges, so it'll have to wait until after this weekend.  I'm thinking a bit of shrimp too and have shrimp and pasta one night.  There are plenty of menus there, I just need to find other ones that are doable. 

Anyway, it's time to chill out for a bit before bed.  I'm trying to focus on sleeping better and taking quiet time to read or knit before I go to bed.  Laterness & g'night.

Day 74 - The woods are lovely, dark & deep, But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep

Tonight's Criminal Minds ended with a quote from my favorite Robert Frost poem.  In high school, I memorized a lot of his poems.  I remember meeting someone who knew Frost personally in English class.  It wasn't really surprising, Howard Frank Mosher used to teach at the high school I went to.  My high school English teacher - Garrett Keizer, another published writer - knew Mosher from working with him if nothing else.

Food was on plan today, if a bit light because I really didn't feel hungry most of the day.  Food tasted odd to me.  Too rich or too salty.  About the only thing that tasted normal was my salad.  I may switch back to day 2 tomorrow to see if it was just a fluke.

I didn't walk the stairs this afternoon, I got too busy.  Not a big deal since it was extra walking anyway.

I'm wanting to go to bed a bit early tonight.  Laterness & g'night.

Day 74 - Here I Go Again

Abother day at work, another groggy morning. I thought I took the melatonin early enough, I went to bed early enough to get 8 hours sleep. I may try taking the melatonin earlier.

Doing day 17 for meals, tho I switched from fish at dinner to fish at lunch. I'll eat steak/beef at dinner.

For some reason, the natural peanut butter I have at work tasted very salty to me this morning on my celery. Guess I had cut back on my salt more than I thought. I'd hate to think of how salty chips or fries would taste to me now LOL. I did say last week at the Irish pub we went to last Wed where I had raw tuna that the fried fish and fries looked good but they'd probably make me sick. So I ordered healthy. Well, that wasn't the only reason...

So far on plan. I even went for a walk on the stairs. I'm headed down to walk now. I really need the break from work and the stress relief.

I did find out I'm not the only one looking to get out of where we are.

Day 73 - But Not a Real Green Dress - That's Cruel

Even better Bare Naked Ladies - If I Had $1,000,000 :)

Stayed on plan.  Whatever day has fruit cocktail & toast for breakfast.  Increasing my exercise though it's not on the plan... walked the stairs twice, messed up the day 3 weight exercises so I did a set each of tricep dips and lunges as well.  Oops.  Also did extra crunches (on purpose) and Tae Kwon Do kicks (12 front kicks each leg and 12 side kicks each leg).  I need to work on my form on the side kicks.  Its been too long.  I need to do punches next time.  I miss how strong I felt when I was in TKD.

One of my coworkers is in the hospital because of her diabetes.  She has this tendency of doing exactly what Justin's mother used to do.  She's even on the insulin pump.  She eats crap including fast food, empty carbs like regular pasta (not whole wheat), candy, whatever.  When her blood sugar goes up, she just hits the button for more insulin.  She's had issues with her blood sugar crashing the last couple of weeks.  The machine will beep that her sugar is too high, then it goes too low.  Everyone in the office has said something about how she eats at one time or another, but she doesn't want anyone telling her what to do.  I only hope this scares her straight, as she has a 7 year old.

I need to turn off the computer.  I got a late start doing stuff on the computer because of parent/teacher conferences for my daughter.  I haven't been sleeping well so took a melatonin pill.  I need the computer off while it takes effect.  Laterness & g'night.

Day 73 - Psshh It Happens

Its a Sugarland type of day today.

Had a long talk with a couple of really old friends last night... One of them, if things had been different...

Anyway, I've got things in perspective now. I need to just take things one step at a time and stop putting quite so much pressure on myself. Things always have a way of working out for me. It may not be how I expect it to happen but still.

So this week I have 4 things to do - file my taxes, finish the design for my website (tho I'll need more time for the content) and write 2 articles for a total of 750 words. I may write 1 article at lunch. The short one will be easy enough.

Walking the stairs again today for 2 reasons. First, I couldn't wake up. Second, it helps fight depression. Both good reasons.

Anyway its almost lunchtime so I'm gonna post for now...

Here Comes the Sun

After my mini-meltdown yesterday/today/whenever, I'm feeling better.  Less depressed.  Less worried about what's going to happen.  I need to get some extra sleep tonight, that'll help even more.  I think I just focus too much on the negative.  I will be working toward doing what I need to to earn extra money.  I'm done worrying about things I cannot change.

The situation with Justin... well there are times I have doubts about my relationship with him.  But there's nothing I'm willing to do about it other than keep after him to carry through on what he says he's going to do.  So I turn my disappointment into depression, frustration with my life and focusing on the negative.

Enough focusing on the negative.  If you haven't read them already, don't read the posts below, I'm seriously thinking it's time to delete again.  I'm starting fresh today.  My weight yesterday was 1 lb down from a week ago, but I'll make up for that.  Food was on plan this week. Water was over 128 oz since I finished my gallon jug and got more water because I was still thirsty.  I did the stairs twice and went for the walk at lunch, so I had a 3 star day.

Gonna sign off on this, so laterness and g'night.

Universe Man, Universe Man

Exercise done or the walk at least. I'm moody and taking things wrong when talking to someone via text. I'll get through. Nothing new. I just need to get over myself. Its not a big deal that person doesn't want to talk.

I'm not the center of anyones universe (not even the kids'). They're the center of mine tho, that's what is important.

Day 72 - Wastin' Away Again

Its going to be a long week. Tons to do so I'm trying to come in early. I don't like being here past 6. Honestly, I don't like being here at all, but that's another story for another day. My 90 day goals are to learn more about social media for copywriting, get my website done and make at least $5k with writing. Large goal but I can do it.

Adding to my exercise today to see if it helps the depression. Going up a floor at work means 2 flights of 7 stairs and 1 flight of 4. (Did I mention the building was built for the Masons at the turn of the 19th century?) I'm on the 2nd floor, I went to the 4th floor, down to the 1st floor, back up to the 4th floor then back to my desk on the 2nd floor. I'll be going on the treadmill at lunch. I may not do the stairs again this afternoon, it'll depend on how tired I am from this morning and my walking at lunch.

Food is on plan so far and I'm about half done my water. I had to slow down on the water because I was drinking it so fast I was feeling uncomfortably full.

Sunday Bloody Sunday

Skipped church.  Trying to figure out where everything fits.  I know it's depression because of finances.  We can get through this, I just need to focus.  I have a bit more work to do on the paperwork, so I'm gonna update some songs in my mp3 player and jam out to some songs while I'm messing with the stupid paperwork.

I'm going in circles.  I'm out of some of the paperwork, so I'm going to have to create something as close as I can to that sheet.  Maybe I can scan in an old copy and import it into Word to make it easy...

Food on plan.  Fluids are a bit light tonight.  I'll make up for it tomorrow.  Bought some black cherry tea, I've been keeping a gallon jug at my desk at work, I'll put in 2 teabags and make it flavored water.  As long as it's gone by the end of the day, I'm done.  It may not be exactly 128 oz, but it'll be close considering I take my thyroid medication and then my vitamins with water.  My mind is going in circles, so laterness and g'night.

Day 70 - Phase 5 Day 27

Hey, I can count.  Oh wait, that's just some days.

Not gonna post much tonight, having major issues with feeling stuck in OK, but it's hard to explain.  The paper route is a bit out of control, and I'm putting in multiple applications for writing jobs at home in the evening.  They're not fun, but I'll be able to get at least enough to pay groceries.  We're going to have to dump the money from the paper route in a savings account to prove to ourselves that we're not spending everything we collect, and we're really not making anything with the route.  They're not going to be happy with us Monday, but I'm not paying everything it says we owe.  My calculations on what we actually collected are about $1,000 less than than what we should have collected if we sold all the papers the numbers say we did, and about $600 less than what I show we're supposed to pay.  To say that money is a big issue right now is the real reason that my stomach isn't shrinking as fast as the rest of me.  So I start applying for more writing jobs.  I shouldn't have problems with one of them at least.

I wasn't very hungry today.  I didn't eat half of the food on the plan for the day.  My weight is probably up because of the stress, I haven't stepped on the scale since Thursday.

I think it's time to sleep.  Maybe things will look better in the morning.  As it stands right now, I'm losing faith that things will work out, and part of me is mad at God.  Don't know why, just ...

I need to get some sleep now, though.  I was up late last night and up late again tonight.  It's gonna totally throw off my sleep patterns and possibly even my weigh in.  Laterness & g'night.

Day 69 - Procrastination, Discouragement, Frustration and Not with My Weight

Yea, as if it wasn't obvious, I'm very good at procrastinating on things I should be doing.  My Marine's dad called me lazy, and sometimes it comes off as laziness.  I find other things to do, I get easily distracted.  I have a lot of things I should be doing.  A lot I'm supposed to be doing, especially since I have always wanted to start my own web design company.  I talk big, but never carry through. 

The question is, why don't I carry through?  I have done a lot of thinking on this lately.  Why do I keep saying I want to start writing for About.com and never actually fill out the application?  Why have I been dabbling in web design since I left my web developer job in Branson?  Heck, I haven't even seriously designed anything in years.  Not since 2007.  I'm scared.  I've been taking the easy road.  I have some serious self-doubts about my abilities.  Oh I say I was one of the best designers where I worked.  I was the best programmer until they brought someone in who had a degree in programming.  But, I honestly don't see myself as all that great at what I want to be doing.  I was called worthless a lot during my first marriage.  I guess I still harbor some of that doubt.  My goal... after I finish the paperwork for the Oklahoman this weekend, I'm going to thoroughly design the site for SEOcopywritingdesign.com.  The website I registered last summer.  I'll write the copy as time allows throughout the next week.  I have the abilities, I just need to set a goal and follow through.  I will be downloading a copy of Photoshop, I found a few things that GIMP doesn't do very well at.

Food, on plan today.  I didn't walk on the treadmill, but I walked in the mall tonight after Justin got home from collecting money from the stores for the papers.  Water was a bit low, but overall I drank more than 126 oz of fluids.  I just normally try for a gallon of water without counting anything else.

It's late and time for bed.  Laterness & g'night.

Day 68 - The More I Drink, The More I Drink

Exercises done for the night.  I did the first set of strength exercises, but I changed things up a bit and did the arm exercises while sitting on an exercise ball.  Since the only chair I can really do them in is a kitchen chair, I figured this would give me the freedom of movement.  It also forced me to engage more of my core muscles.  I've noticed I'm stronger and I can do all repetitions except for the 3rd set of 12 for the tip toe squats.  I can do more of those than the first week, but I'm not at the whole 3 sets yet.  I didn't realize how weak I was until I started doing these.

Food... well another day 2.  LOL the easiest day for me, and everything was on plan.  I'm trying not to pay attention to the scale, because it was up 0.4 lbs from Sunday's weigh in when I stepped on it this morning.  Of course, I had just taken my thyroid medication, so had had some water, and I had woken up not long before since I overslept this morning. 

I'm yawning, and I have some paperwork to fill out for my daughter's school. They want her in speech therapy, which is classified as a special education class.  I dislike the special education label on my daughter as much as I did on my Marine.  He had a problem with his temper because his dad was bad-mouthing me when he went up for summer visitation.  Both of them are smart as a whip.  He tested as gifted in 3rd grade.  I'm sure she'll test as gifted as well, it's just a speech issue.  The youngest is already naming colors, so he's trying to compete with his sister for knowledge.  I'm going to have problems keeping up with them if I don't watch it.  Gotta do more crossword puzzles to keep my brain sharp.

Anyway, gonna clean off the table where I keep my laptop, and fill out the paperwork for her school.  Laterness and g'night.

Day 67 - Losing Track of My Days - Friday Can't Come Soon Enough

Yea, so I obviously can't keep track of the days that I've been doing this.  Tonight, I had what was supposed to be seared tuna.  It was raw.  I dipped it in soy sauce with a very little bit of Wasabi.   I think I followed pretty close to day 16, all things considered.  The only thing I missed was the 2 slices of tomato at lunch and the 1 c of romaine tonight. 

I'm tired and discouraged.  The weight loss is fine, but work.. part of me is worried I'm going to be stuck working there forever.  I miss my family so bad, my parents.  I'd love to go shopping with my sister, or hold my nephew.  I go through these phases where it feels like I'm not going to be able to move.  It just doesn't seem real.  I'm getting ready to go write an article about assistive technology.  500 words, easy enough.  I should be able to get it done by bedtime.

Found out a dear friend is getting a divorce.  I'm worried that he will fall into depression, but am not sure what or if I can do from over 1,000 miles away.  I guess all I can do is pray and keep him in my thoughts.

Laterness and g'night.

Day 66 Another Meeting?!?

So the last 3 days have dragged. I have a headache that won't go away and I'm finding out a lot. They're changing my pay scale somewhat. I'm going from hourly to salary non-exempt. I'll still clock in and out, but my insurance premiums will go down. They're also going to pay us weekly instead of biweekly. All good.

On the other hand, the price of gas is now $3.34 and we deliver papers. Its hitting a point where it will barely pay for the gas and Justin's child support. I'm starting to stress about it. We've been using the extra to pay for groceries but ...

So far today, on plan and I walked at lunch. I brought a gallon pitcher and had that at my desk so I didn't waste time going for water today. I'm planning on fish for dinner since I chose day 16's low carb plan for today. Going out for dinner again, but if they don't have broiled fish I'll eat iceberg lettuce and just chat. I can eat later.

Day 66 - Phase 5 Day 23

Followed the plan I made.  Ate whatever day is the cheese pizza, lunch was pizza and salad, dinner was iceburg lettuce with chicken breast and tomato.  Not entirely on plan, I missed the carrot sticks with lunch (which became dinner), but I got as close as I could within my options for the day.  Actually, I'd say that this was a success for today all things considered.  Got up early to exercise since I didn't challenge myself enough with walking in place last night. 

I'll be on the treadmill at lunch tomorrow.  They're catering in sandwiches, so I'm having a low carb day tomorrow.  Or day 2 since I like that day.

I'm exhausted and the duckie boy is on cough medication from the doctor, so I'm gonna get some sleep rather early tonight.  Laterness and g'night.